More Class from Toronto

Or is that "Jackasses from Toronto"? Either way, here's the visual evidence:




A lot of the TFC fans complained that there were not adequate bathroom facilities near their tailgate lot, thus forcing them to urinate on the gate in front of the church. Also,
this article seems to corroborate all the reports of the TFC fans littering up their parking lot. Again, the Red Snatch Boys argument is that there were no trash cans nearby to dispose of their waste.

I'm sorry, but it takes a certain level of hoser to leave a parking lot completely trashed, especially when you're visiting from out of town. And the douchebag quotient is off the scale when your fans are also taking a piss on a chain-link fence in front of a church. Maybe I don't properly understand urination etiquette , but I always thought the idea of peeing on a structure or building was twofold:

1. To prevent someone from accidentally walking into the stream
2. To have a modicum of privacy, and the decency of not showing your rod to whomever may have the misfortune of standing across from you.

How are either of those accomlished by relieving yourself on a chain-link fence? Obviously, people are going to see you, from front and behind. And unless you've got very good aim, it's kind of like shooting a BB gun at a tennis net, so it's not stopping the stream. Factor in the fact that the people who called in to complain were IN THE CHURCH, and you can see where most Crew fans are getting a little peeved by the soccer fans from the North.

I'm all for a good show, and the TFC boys did that in the stadium. But any goodwill they might have garnered for either Toronto or soccer fans in general is negated by the actions of these heartless bastards. Do us a favor next time you come to Crew Stadium: If you have to take a leak, do it behind one of the 27 buses you brought, not directly in front of a ladies auxillary meeting, OK?

Morning Afterthoughts: Game 1 - Toronto

Whenever I make it out to Crew stadium to watch the Black and Gold, I always try to make a point of watching the game from TV, to see what everyone else saw. Here's my first "Morning Afterthoughts", which will hopefully be more coherent than yesterday's ramblings.

This will be accomlished in a running diary format:


Pre-game:

- Welcome to Crew Stadium! Dwight Burgess and Bill McDermott are handling the announcing duties this year once again for CSN, the Columbus Sports Network. By the way, a big thumbs down to CSN for cancelling the Crew weekly wrap-up show. Shouldn't it go without saying that a network called "The Columbus Sports Network" has to cover all teams with the word "Columbus" in the name?

- Burgess referred to the Crew uni's as "Banana Kits," which, for some reason, always makes me think of the phrase "Banana Hammock". I'll be at the Plugged Nickel if anyone needs me...

First half:

1:54 - Moreno whistled for a foul, but he can't hear it for all the noise. I know some of that can be attributed to the 2500 Canucks in the stands, but it WAS a great atmosphere yesterday.

6:58 - Jim Brennan creates the first real chance for TFC, a looping cross that Colin Samuels completely muffs. Samuels had a GREAT game for the Crew yesterday. Which is fortunate for us, since he's on Toronto.

8:20 - THINGS YOU MISS AT THE GAME #1: I completely missed Toronto's Marco Valez trying to step over the ball out of bounds, only to slip and fall on his face. Valez = FAIL.

9:00 - Dwight and Bill were just telling us that Crew Stadium looks empty sometimes because the seats are yellow, thus causing an illusion that the "gaps are larger than they are." Uh, yeah...that's it. Missing the playoffs three years in a row has nothing to do with the stands being half-empty. It's the yellow...

15:00 - We've spent the last minute listening to the Bill and Dwight show talk about how no one is afraid to come play in Columbus, and they expect to get the full three points off the Crew, even at home. Thanks guys, way to keep the excitement of the new 2008 season alive!

15:20 - Just checked the DMB website, and apprently Carter Beauford expects to take the full three points when they play here this summer.

15:32 - Moreno blasts a shot over the bar from inside the box. I need to fast forward to where he puts in the second goal...

18:50 - Frankie Hejduk puts Todd Dunivant down on the ground, drawing a foul. I like seeing our defenders be physical in smart situations. Also, have we ever discussed why no one calls him Frank? Or Franklin?

19:02 - Quick counter by the Crew, Schelotto connects 30 yards across the field with Robbie Rogers, who makes his man miss and puts a shot on frame. One more touch there might have netted the first goal of 2008. Rogers, though, is having a good game thus far.

19:25 - Big blunder by Brian Carrol, as he attempts a pass back to Will Hesmer. Unfortunately, Jeff Cunningham was right there, and he nearly puts it away for Toronto. That was not the type of play you want to see from your new midfielder.

21:40 - Schelotto gets clocked in the head at midfield, yet he is called for the foul. It's not officially MLS Season until you find yourself yelling obscenities at the referee.

23:40 - Katie Withham (Crew sideline reporter) checks in to tell us about the Toronto tradition of singing Danny Dichio's name at the 23rd minute of every game, as the TFC fans perform the chant in the background. So, they were late...

24:36 - Robbie Rogers gets called for another foul up front. TFC are flopping like fish on defense.

25:20 - Brian Carrol gets a quick restart up to Adam Moffat, who chests it down, give it another poke ahead, then BLASTS it low and to his left, beating keeper Brian Edwards for the first goal of the 2008 season!

25:21 - Toronto fans finally shut the hell up for a little bit.

27:47 - ...*remembering that Adam Moffat is only 21...

27:48 - ...*begins thinking that maybe we found our playmaker in the midfield...

29:23 - First corner kick of the day for either team. It's amazing it took until the half-hour mark to get one of these. Dunivant sends it in, but it ends up being harmless.

33:15 - Great idea from Hejduk as he tries to get to Moreno, but sends it just a bit too far. Moreno times his run perfectly on that play, and as you know, does it again in the 2nd half. This is something new for the Crew, as last year we were offside more than a 500-lb lineman with the shakes.

33:17 - I don't know what it means either...

34:45 - Adam Moffat nearly sends the Toronto fans home early with a header that clanks off the crossbar. Schelotto is once again flawless on his set pieces. The only problem with the whole exchange is that the camera crew keeps showing a closeup of Stefani Miglioranzi walking back, instead of Moffat. 20 bucks says the camera crew drew straws to see who had to work this weekend.

36:17 - Katie Witham tells us that Will Hesmer and Brian Carrol were on the sidelines for Wake Forrest rooting on their alma mater as they defeated the OSU men's soccer team in the 2007 National Championship game. Seriously, does CSN actually want to grow the Crew audience, or are they purposely trying to keep OSU fans from having a reason to root for the Crew?

37:15 - Schelotto once again hits Rogers in space, and Robbie works his magic, making a TFC defender miss before firing a shot right at Edwards. I'm convinced Rogers will reach 10 goals this year. Schelotto seems to have taken a liking to the kid.

37:30 - Watching the replay, Rogers would have gotten a goal if he had shot it to the far post. Then again, he wouldn't have had the shot if he didn't make a couple of smart plays with Schelotto, so what do I know...

41:30 - Dunivant gets covered with streamers as he steps in to take the corner. Fortunately, the Crew broadcast team resisted the urge to call the sea of yellow streamers a "Golden Shower"...

43:05 - Danny O'Rourke makes the mistake of fouling Jeff Cunningham in the box. I like O'Rourke being a physical power, but he needs to remember not to pull that crap in the penalty area.

43:31 - I was sitting with the Hooligans in the corner saying "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit" at this moment.

43:40 - Remember when Frankie ran up to talk to Hesmer about the PK? Hesmer said in the paper today that Hejduk told him he had no idea which way Samuels would go, he just wanted to get in his head a little bit.

Can we make Frankie the Mayor? Seriously! He's diplomatic, doesn't take crap, and isn't going to get intimidated by a budget crisis. It would also be two consecutive Frankies in the mansion (Michael Coleman's wife is also named Frankie). Someone make this happen.

44:04 - You have to love Dwight Burgess on the call for that PK save by Hesmer. He goes up approximately 97 decibels when the Crew make a great play. It sounded roughly like this:

"And Toronto with an excellent chance...(long pause)...to equalize... *Samuels shoots*...SAVE! REBOUND... IS CLEARED AWAY!!! BY MOFFAT!!!!"

What was even better was McDermott doing the same routine on the replay.

44:06 - On watching that replay, Moffat was running all the way. Love that attitude. He was running right as Samuels struck the ball, and didn't stop until it was cleared off the line. It's great to see that type of confidence in the keeper, and the heads up to not let Samuels tap the rebound back in.

45:00 - And the half ends. Crew 1, T.F.C. 0.

2nd Half

47:13 - A graphic is shown that tells us that Robbie Rogers had 3 of the Crew's 4 shots on goal. Again, that's a great sign. We need Robbie to be a part of the offense this year, to take some pressure off Moreno and Schelotto.

49:54 - THINGS YOU MISS AT THE GAME #2: Off a monster Toronto throw in, they seemingly (from my vantage point in the North End) scored the equalizer. But watching the game on replay, the shot actually goes just right of goal, bounces off the boards, and hits the backside of the net. But everyone thought the ball went in where we were sitting. It looked like the Toronto fans did too, as a bunch of streamers came down from their section. We thought the goals was recalled because of an offside, but literally had no idea the ball didn't go in, even after watching the replay on the big screen. Intersting...

52:34 - A bigtime save by Hesmer, and Robbie Rogers clears. I know Toronto fans will disagree, but looking at the replays, the ball did not cross the line. Also, how about Robbie Rogers taking two touches before clearing it? Composure? Check.

54:15 - Maurice Edu takes out his teams's frustration on Alejandro Moreno's ankle. Yellow card.

60:12 - Bill McDermott, commenting on a run by Schelotto that was called offside:
"He looked to be even when the ball was strucked...when the ball was played through..." Good cover there, Bill.

75:46 - MORENO SCORES! Great pass from Eddie Gaven, and he times the run perfectly. Also, can we say that Moreno "strucked" it beautifully? 2-0 Columbus.

81:45 - Moreno gets another chance on a volatile cross, but it's just past his foot. After the second goal, Toronto really showed no heart and looked awful.

86:55 - You could really hear the Crew Supporters during the last 10 minutes of the game.

87:15 - Andy Iro checks in, and he was massive. Ddin't really do anything in the game, but he is humongous.

90:00 - And the final whistle blows! Crew 2, Toronto nil. Nothing. Nada. All those fat Canadian bastards waited all this week to come to Columbus, only to see the same crap team not score anything!

As the credits roll, we see Moreno's celebration with the fans after his goal, and notice that one of the Hudson Street Hooligans falls out of the stands during the celebration. A fantastic cap to a fantastic match.

New nickname for Toronto: 2ront0.

Columbus 2 : Toronto 0

Toronto made a lot of noise about bringing down 2500 fans for the first game of the season in Crew Stadium. Ironically, those 2500 fans made little to no noise during and after the game they came to see, as The Black and Gold administered the textbook definition of an ass-whippin' in their 2-0 domination of the Red Snatch Boys. For this week, at least, the Crew are top of the table!

Three key moments in the game:

1. Adam Moffat's goal.

The first goal of the 2008 MLS Season was a beauty by the Scottish marksman. Getting on the board early set the tone for the type of style we hope to see from the Crew this year. And getting the midfield involved in the scoring is always a plus. Moffat will be the surprise of 2008 for many Crew fans.

2. Will Hesmer's PK stop.

The play of the game, without a doubt. Hesmer was put in an awful position by an iffy call, but he made the stop. That might be the most spectacular play from a keeper I've ever seen live. That shutdown absolutely killed any momentum Toronto had going into halftime.

3. Eddie Gaven's pass.

Everyone will remember Moreno's goal, but I will remember the pass that put Moreno in position to finish. Definitely not the best game we've seen from Eddie Gaven, but he played much better in the 2nd half than the first. If he could stop clogging up the middle when we're on the attack, he would be one of our best weapons. And it's about time we play a ball to space and let our fast forward run onto it.

Offensively, the Crew attack was relentless, and it was very encouraging to see the boys bury two shots low and in the corners. Schelotto looks a step slower, if that's even possible, but as always, he was dangerous with the ball and on set pieces. Robbie Rogers was all over the field, and Moreno again brought his lunchpail.

In the midfield, Adam Moffat and Brian Carroll did a great job of holding and distributing, which is encouraging, since they are the newest faces in the middle. Hopefully, Gaven can show more of the passing he exhibited on the Moreno goal.

Defensively, it was a solid first effort for the new unit, minus a couple of hiccups in the opening minutes. Chad Marshall was a rock, Danny O'Rourke was violent as always, and Frankie did a tremendous job in getting forward and hustling back. Unfortunately, Miglioranzi is not the answer at left back, so the addition of Gino Padilla will be welcome.

As far as the fans go, Hudson Street, La Turbina, and Union 103 brought the house down. One game down, and the new corner is louder than any of us expected. Hopefully, the great atmosphere will continue when we take on the Goats April 12th.

Overall, it was a tremendous day to be a Crew fan, and it's a very encouraging start to the 2008 season. Let's hope we can get points against the Energy Drinks next week..

I hope to post pictures from the game tomorrow.

Trillium? Damn near killed 'em...

To the Columbus and Toronto front offices:

Congratulations once again to the geniuses that populate the Columbus and Toronto F.C. marketing departments! Not only did you fine creative wunderkinds create a meaningless rivalry where one failed to exist, outside of the Big Soccer message boards. Not only did you decide to designate said meaningless rivalry with a Cup, thus creating more where nothing once was (laws of nature be damned!). Those feats alone would warrant a head-slapping guffaw from most of us confused souls.

But now? You've outdone even our most absurd calculations. You managed to give the Columbus-Toronto Rivalry "Cup" a name which will surely drive even the most tolerant and accepting Crew fans to scratch their heads in bewilderment.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Trillium Cup.



And in case you're wondering, that flower is a Trillium. That's right, the cup that two of the worst teams in MLS last year will be playing for is named after a flower. Seriously, couldn't a monkey throwing feces on a wall have produced something better than this?

He is the Dunc' and Disorderly

Say what you will about Duncan Oughton's game, but two phrases should never pass your lips when talking about the Kiwi:

1. "He needs to give more effort..."
2. "I don't know if he understands what Crew Nation is."

Anyone who utters these phrases within my presence will be beaten to a bloody pulp. Because Duncan Oughton IS the Columbus Crew. From The Dispatch:

"We can't have guys coming in here and taking what they want when they want it. They've got to leave bruised and battered."

An "Amen!" to that, Brother Kiwi. Hey, while you're here, what do you think of the Crew winning the "Fair Play" Award last season?

"It's embarrassing, really. "Did we get a trophy for that? That's not the award you want to win. We don't want to be the fair play team that doesn't make the playoffs. We'd rather be the dirtiest team that does make the playoffs."

And a "Hell Yeah" to that statement. Toronto better watch their ass if Dunc sees the field.

Game 1: Toronto F.C.

Sorry for the long layoff. But it's time for the 2008 Crew season, so let's get right to it. Here's the first match preview for 2008 season:

Toronto F.C.



What you need to know:
They're all a bunch of douchebags.

New additions:
Vaginas for everyone!

Biggest holes to fill:
Ass-.

2008 Prediction:
Like a torture victim in a Thai prison, they will be sodomized repeatedly, then forgotten about for many years.


T.F.C. match preview here.

Game prediction:
Crew beat the shit out of Toronto, 2-0 Black and Gold. Goals scored by Schelotto and Rogers.