Black and Gold (And Silver And Bronze)

The Crew have sent two fine young gents off to the Olympic games to represent their countries in Robbie Rogers and Emmanuel Ekpo. What's truly curious about this entire situation is that:

1. They play on the same club team
2. Neither played significantly for that team last year
3. Both have been key to their club team's success this year
4. Both have first and last names that start with the same letter.
5. They will be battling each other for the right to come back and play for that club team

...I mean, to win the Gold. Sure.

That's right. In case you didn't know, the US and Nigeria are in the same knockout group. In fact, they'll be on the same pitch August 13th in the Beijing Workers Stadium, presumably lined up opposite each other. Also, as with all round-robin group play tournaments, it is possible both teams could not only advance, but there is a chance the US and Nigeria could square off in the gold medal match. So, what does this mean for Crew fans?

Root for Japan and The Netherlands.

Just kidding. But it does present that tough question for the USMNT diehards: root for Robbie Rogers to win a gold, or root for him to be back in Crew Stadium ASAP. As much as I love Ekpo, I hope he sees limited to no time and Nigeria gets thumped 5-0 in their first game. I don't know if I can root against the Natty Lights, but I do not have any affiliation for Nigeria.

Full schedule here.

The US Men's Schedule:
8/7 5:00am vs. Japan
8/10 7:45am vs. The Netherlands
8/13 5:00am vs. Nigeria

Nigeria's Schedule:
8/7 7:45am vs. The Netherlands
8/10 5:00am vs. Japan
8/13 5:00am vs. USA


Quarter finals: 8/16
Semi Finals: 8/19
Bronze Medal: 8/22
Gold Medal: 8/23

Here are the games we lose one of them for if they make it all the way.

7/27 - @ Colorado (W: 2-0)
8/02 - @ Houston
8/16 - FC Dallas
8/23 - Real Salt Lake

It is entirely possible we could have a Nigeria/USA final, Which is the worst/best case scenario, depending on how you look at it. But even then, we're talking four games against Western Conference teams. We will definitely lose both of these guys for the next game, and probably the home game with Dallas, unless they don't play at all, and their teams don't advance. If they get bounced in the quarter finals, we get one or both back for Real Salt Lake.

The big question is: How much is this going to affect the Crew? Well, maybe it will be worse than originally thought, now with Lenhart suspended for the next two games, and Frankie suspended for one. If we take only two points over the next three games, we will be on 33 points with 9 games to go. Not all that bad, but not great. Of those 9 games remaining, 7 will be against Eastern Conference teams, which means we will be slugging it out to get the Supporter's shield/playoff positioning.

For me, I'm club over country. So give me Robbie Rogers back tomorrow. What about you?

Morning Afterthoughts: Rocky Win Allows Crew to Climb

Did we see what we just saw? Down to 10 men, the Crew held onto a 1-0 lead after Sigi switched formations for the first time since the Reagan Administration and even added a goal after a 2nd-half sub not named Steven Lenhart finished an amazing run that took advantage of a goal kick. By the way, did we mention the Crew had only won once at Colorado ever, that our two wingers are en route to China, and that Colorado outshot the Crew 23-5?

So, how did the Crew win 2-0? Let me paint you a picture:




The Crew have sometimes this year suffered ties that should have been wins, and occasionally a brave few have questioned the abilities of the fuzzy-headed man between the pipes. But last night, William Techumseh Hesmer absolutely destroyed any thoughts of a ceiling on his career. He made 7 huge saves that would serve any European side well. And he wasn't so much patroling his penalty area as he was destroying anyone who dared wade into the Crew 6-yard box on a set piece. William hasn't completely got his positioning down 100% of the time, but his reactions are second to none.

Meanwhile, the legend of Lenhart continues to grow. His interplay with Miglioranzi, who played an absolutely brilliant ball to the Azusa Kid, was an example of all that is good about soccer. The red card he was given was an example of the exact opposite. The physical manhandling the forwards in MLS are required to take without a foul being called is appalling. While Moreno and Schelotto no doubt were angered about Lenhart being sent off, and perhaps, the obvious manner in which he earned his trip to the showers, no doubt they had to feel some sense of justice after the way they have been beaten and battered without the ref passing air through his whistle. In the same vein, there is little doubt Robbie Rogers was watching, smiling, and nodding.

Lenhart's attitude is something Crew fans can be proud of. He is hot-headed, flashy, has a flair for dramatic, and most of all, will be the last person on the team who will be caught handling excrement. Jimmy Conrad, an overrated vet of MLS who gets the benefit of the doubt from the refs, media, and coaches, ran into Lenhart last week and ended up getting his head palmed like a basketball. He's lucky Lenhart didn't treat his noggin more like a Titleist sitting on the white tee of a par 5. Many have compared Lenhart to a Cabbage Patch Kid, what with his curly blonde hair and youthful look of exuberance. Forget that; if anything, he's as Garbage Pail Kid as they come. Saying Lenhart has a nasty streak is like saying Tommy Lee has a few tattoos. And to think, this time last year, Livid Lenny was going to call it quits after his senior year at APU.

Interesting Lenhart fact: all three goals he has scored have either tied or won the game for the Crew this season. Some of us should have seen this coming, since after all, 9 of 16 goals last season at Azusa Pacific were gamewinners.

(By the way, please ignore this post and this post form earlier in the season where I kind of bagged on us picking Lenhart over Xavier Balc. Kudos to Sigmund the Round for making me look like an idiot. )

Finally, as much as I have love for the curly-haired players aforementioned, I am personally most excited about the abilities currently being displayed by one Jason Garey. He got on the end of a nice goal against Independiente, apparently did the same vs. West Ham, and now has gotten into an MLS game and made the most of it, tallying the nail in Colorado's proverbial coffin Sunday night. And what a goal it was. Coincidentally, both Garey's and Lenhart's goals are up for GOTW nomination. Both deserve it, with Garey's being my personal favorite.

After a perceived slight by not getting the nod over Lenhart as first sub, Jason Garey is a man on a mission to show Sigi injuries are the only reason he's not lived up to his potential. The flashes he showed last night are promising. Nevermind the goal, he abused Colorado's defense for the 2nd half of the game. Facundo Erpen did everything but piledrive Garey on the run that became Garey's first MLS goal of the season; Bouda Condoul had to clothesline him to keep him out of net for a 2nd time. Thank God MLS's fine referees saw no reason to award the deserved penalty to Garey; we wouldn't want him to get satisfied now that he's got a guaranteed start this week against Houston.

The best thing about the whole game? With Rogers and Ekpo gone, the Crew are getting big time step-ups from secondary players in their absence. Last year, and in many years past, it seems like everyone got hot and cold at the same time. Last week, Guille carried the team; this week, William Hesmer put the team on his back and Lenhart and Garey each had a good half. The Crew are getting players to step up in key situations, and that will payoff come playoff time.

Other notes:

- Forgive me as I interrupt the sanctity of the Holiest of Spicoli's, but Frankie Hejduk needs to sit down for a game. Waaaaay to many reckless, two-footed tackles that either missed, were horribly late, or both. He was singularly responsible for a few of the Crapids chances last night. His yellow carded tackle could have easily seen red. Unfortunately, it had the same result as Lenhart's elbow, as both will miss the next match in Houston.

- Eddie Gaven looked very able coming back from injury. He burned the sidelines nearly as well as anything Robbie Rogers has done, covered well on defense, even got a little physical when necessary. Hope for more of the same this week.

- The 3-5-2 worked for Sigi, though he seems to treat Colorado with special gloves because they are so good at crossing into the box. With Frankie gone for the Houston game, what will he do? I think he goes back to 4 in the back, puts Iro in the middle with Chad, and prays to God that Padula is healthy so Danny can play on the right.

- RSL just got done beating TFC 2-1. That means even with their games in hand, of all the Eastern Conference teams behind Columbus, only Chicago is within three points of the Crew (if they win their extra match). Meanwhile, the Crew sit 2 points off the Supporter's Shield, albeit with one more game played than New England. Basically, we're in really good shape going into the Olympics.

Free Health Care Causes Brain Loss

Dear Canada,

I know usually it's intelligent, eclectic Canadians lecturing us poor, inbred Americans about how to be more multi-cultural and politically correct. The dichotomy has been in place (at least in your minds) for some time now, and I know that by writing this letter, I might very well be nudging your poorly balanced egos even further off the deep end than they already sit. However, you need an intervention.

Last night at BMO field, some of your country's "soccer fans" booed not one, but two national anthems (England and the US). In fact, some even started singing the Canadian anthem OVER the US anthem. (This has happened before by the way, specifically at Crew Stadium, where many of your fans stated they couldn't hear the singer of the US national anthem from the loudspeakers. I believed you then, but now I'm not so sure...) To add to the absurdity, today many people are trying to coddle you, and make you feel better. Somehow, despite what happened, the fans at the game are somehow the victims. Reporters are saying "there was a mixup," that the Canadians thought their anthem would not be played. ESPN has actually tried to help further, adding that they "take the blame" for the mixup, presumably because they want to try to make this all seem like a terrible misunderstanding, instead of what it really is.

A revealing glimpse into the true thinking of most Canadian soccer fans.

Instead of showing the entire soccer-viewing continent what class fans you have, Canadian and Toronto fans in specific showed that their attitude is essentially that of a whiny teen on "My Super Sweet 16." When it was thought that no Canadian anthem was going to be played, many started booing the proceedings. Some fans tried to make things more "positive" by singing over another country's national anthem. These anthems are sung by people from those countries, and the anthems can still be sung because in most cases, people died defending their country's right to have an anthem. These anthems, whether you are from the country or not, are special, because of what it took to make them. But in Toronto, these anthems are only special and to be revered as long as everyone has to sit through your anthem as well. Instead of appreciating the countries represented, the fans at last night's ASG felt that if they could not celebrate their country, then no one else should get to either. Way to roll out the welcome mat.

Many Canadians are saying it was OK to sing or boo because their anthem was not getting played. If I can ask a question...what makes Toronto fans think they are entitled to having the national anthem played at this game to begin with? I realize the game was played in a Candaian city, but unplug your fingers from your ears, and hear me out. Like it or not, MLS is a soccer league mandated by FIFA through the US Soccer Federation. The game last night was an MLS exhibition. It was played in an MLS stadium. And where are the home offices of the league? Why in the US! So, it technically makes sense that the league who is presiding over the match and fielding a team plays the anthem of the country they are based out of, just as it makes sense that they play the anthem of the country where their opponents for the night, West Ham United, are based out of.

Whether or not you like it, MLS is not based in Canada. I mean, it's just not. Trust me, if it would get you all to stopp the incessant whining, I'd vote to move it there. But for now, of the 14 teams in the league, MLS has one team in Canada, and, after incidents like last night, some of us are starting to think that's one team too many.

But already, I can hear you chiding me, calling me a hater of Canada, a xenophobe, or God forbid, a Republican. Maybe that's deserved. But if you don't belive me, you can independently verify that my idea isn't insane, or at the very least, it's not unheard of to only play the anthems of the two teams involved in a game. Just watch the Barcalona - Chivas match that will be played at Soldier Field in Chicago in a few weeks. I can guarantee the two teams countries anthems will be played. But I wouldn't bet five bucks that the US anthem will be played, even though the event is taking place in the US. It would make no more sense to play the US anthem than it would for every nationality represented on the two sides to be played, since certainly not all Barca or Cheevus roster members are Spaniards and Mexicans.

For further observation, at a major league baseball game, do the play the Dominican Republic, Venezuela, or Korean national anthems? Oddly, they only play the songs of the home coutries of the two entities involved.

Toronto should be happy to be included in the proceedings, thrilled that MLS is honoring you with one of the league's focal point matches. Yet not only do you not appreciate this gesture of goodwill, Canadian soccer fan, you get pissy and throw a fit after 5 seconds of a perceived injustice at a game that is literally the biggest bone MLS can throw you. On top of that, if the fans could have waited for 5 minutes, they would have seen the league continue to bend over backwards to make their anthem the focal point of ESPN's opening TV coverage. With skin this thin, I'm not quite sure how you are going to react to getting bitch-slapped into giving up the rights for Brian McBride, but I can be fairly certain it will end with a lot of crying and people once again making exceptions for you. Kind of like the kid in school who poops his pants, but he's retarded, so it's OK.

Thankfully, when Columbus has one or two boneheads that do something backwards and ignorant (like utter a racist slur or fight), the rest of the world is disappointed because there is the perception that we ARE better than that. But Toronto? Hey, c'mon, don't blame them, it's not their fault. They live in Canada, where everyone has...what...a massive inferiority complex? Why does everyone make exceptions for you?

In closing, we all know you think you are MLS's saviors, the only fans who care about your team, the fans upon whom all other fans should gaze to glean from the wisdom dripping off your brows. But incidents like the one from last night only show how far many of you really have yet to go.

An Open Letter from Someone Who Wasn't There...

Dear West Ham Hammered Supporters,

Well, you guys made quite the impression, didn't ya? You've done something for soccer in this country that only Beckham and Blanco have done before: you put it in the 24-hour news cycle. Congratulations are in order for that, I suppose. But quite honestly, if we knew that a fracas was all it would take, we would have rather just chipped in and sent DVDs of "Football Factories" to all the major media outlets. At the very least, we would have offered a Danny Dyer autograph signing/poser-fest at the local pub.

But instead, you had to go and bring us this dustup that has kept your famous West Ham in the press for 24 hours more than they got from the British media this past year. Wigan and Bolton, watch your ass! WHU is aiming for ya! Look, we're flattered and all that you sent some lackeys over to the most historic soccer facility in the US to get some pre-season mojo working over in the UK, but next time, go somewhere you'll be appreciated, like Chicago or Toronto. At least there, they already have groups of self-important bastards who think the game of football was invented so they could talk about how awesome they are. And in Chicago's case, you get the added bonus of having drooling skinheads who have no problem robbing the opposing fans of their personal possessions. I mean, was their a match more made in hooligan heaven?

In all sincerity though, I actually have to thank you for one thing you did, whether you were aware of it or not: you showed us just how little protection our stadium "security" truly offers the Hardest Working Fans in MLS. To put in lightly, if Crew Stadium Security were a rubber, your girlfriend would double or triple wrap your Alan Dicks before hopping in the sack.

Thin is a nice way of putting it, then. The Crew front office has decided to leave it's event protection in the hands of Contemporary Services, or CSC as they are often called. The people in the yellow shirts that have no Crew markings on them? Yeah, that's CSC. During yesterday's fracas, by all accounts, they moved into action at the last possible moment, narrowly averting a bad situation that could have become worse. You might have been wondering how it was possible that you could just walk over to the Crew Supporter's Section without anyone standing in your way?

Send your regards to Scott "Joe Swanson" Dibolt and the rest of the guys wearing CSC shirts. Yes, these are the same guys who have been kicking Crew fans out of the stadium for lighting smoke bombs and throwing streamers, but are the last to join in the proceedings when other teams fans (like yourselves) come into the section and start doing things they have no business doing until the last possible moment. CSC tend to employ the old addage that an ounce of prevention is just a BIG STEAMING PILE OF CRAP! Who needs things like "security guards at the top of the section" when you could have "security guards kicking ass and taking names after 14 broken noses!" Sure, prevention of these acts would make everyone feel a lot safer while watching the game, but the CSC policing procedures bring that tinge of excitement you can't get in normal life. Besides, it's not like there are 8,000-10,000 empty seats already for each home game; with CSC running the show, they could easily push that number up over 12,000 empties by the end of the season.

And if you're sobering up this morning and wondering why the Crew continue to employ such knuckleheads to run their security, you might not need to look any further than Mark Glaser, VP of CSC operations who also happens to be a member of MLS's Safety and Security Committee. Coincidence? Of course! Why would anyone think that MLS badgers it's teams to use inferior security forces, simply because the VP of said organization happens to sit on the board that would be in charge of awarding such contracts? After all, look at his impressive security resume, from CSC's official website:

...Mark completed the Disney Institute’s People Management class and received the 1998 CSC Manager of the Year Award....

I mean, the guy actually has his training from a Mickey Mouse organization! Does the fun ever start!?!?!

Unfortunately, as far as we know, Glaser has never shot one of his friends in the face with bird shot. But he has used the phrase "you're doing a heckuva job" in reference to the undercover work done by CSC a few weeks ago.

Of course, Mark McCullers, Crew GM and honestly a guy who falls in between "inept accomplice" and "hostage" in this whole situation, has released a statement saying roughly that the Crew Stadium security "intervened and immediately began to escort those West Ham Supporters to the concourse". So fortunately, even though CSC doesn't have the Crew Supporter's backs, the Crew has theirs, probably at MLS's Safety and Security Committee's prompting.

Sounds like MLS may have a little conflict of interest, no?

At any rate, thanks to the West Ham Supporters, some people who actually care about soccer, possibly including US Soccer itself, will have to think about looking into who handles the security in the stands. After all, MLS is finally attracting a decent player pool and adding stars to it's teams by the handfuls. With that quality comes a larger fan base, and certainly, more of a possibility for something to go wrong, if for no other reason than the law of averages. Fans who sit in the stadiums know how piss-poor CSC has been for years; to that end, DC's Barra Brava made sure they got DC Metro police to take care of their section. Says something when a group of soccer "hooligans" would take the cops over the alternative.

Thus, consider this my thank you note, since I wasn't there, and couldn't thank you personally for getting the Crew FO to pay attention to something other than streamers and umbrellas. As long as the Crew and MLS officials don't screw this up, and do something idiotic like blaming the Crew fans, I'm sure we'll all be thanking you before it's all said and done.

So, basically, I'm taking it all back...

(Saturday) Morning Afterthoughts: Video Redux

Some random thoughts heading into the All-Star Break:

- The Crew have scored 27 goals, but given up 25. We're 3rd best in goals scored, 3rd worst in goals against. But we're looking for strikers?

Yep, and rightly so, at least for now. While the defense needs a shot in the arm, our offense is losing it's two biggest threats. Ekpo and Rogers are a nightmare for defenders who are just learning how to work it out. They spread out the field, which is giving Guille more room to work his magic and Moreno more freedom to hold the ball and hit them as they make runs. Remember last year when we couldn't score? Neither of those guys were on the pitch...

- Still, the defense needs help. Danny O'Whoops and Andy I-slow can't seem to get it together, and Frankie has had a bad run of form the last few weeks.

My advice: How's about we spend that DP money on Marcos Gonzalez? I keed, I keed.

- Drumming for the entire game is harder than it looks. I brought two friends and some marching band drums, and we tried to keep up with La Turbina. We had slightly better rhythm, but no where near the stamina.

And yes, that's what she said.

- Best atmosphere ever in the Nordecke. I also noticed the entire stadium standing last night towards the end of the game when the Crew looked like they might score. Nice to see.

- Wolff was not offside on the goal, mainly because Iro was in too deep without marking anyone and O'Rourke whiffed.

- The ref did not call two blatant handballs, or anything that happened to Robbie Rogers. Can we all chip in and buy him a jersey that says "Beckham 23" for when he gets back from China?

- With our wings gone, I think we should move Moreno to one of the wings, and put Lenhart up top as our holding forward. At the very least, the kid should see 20 minutes every game until he stops putting the ball in the back of the net.

Now for the videos:

Guille with a clutch goal to open the floodgates:


Moreno's goal and Celebration with Columbus' Finest Fans:

There's a goal and an assist for Schelotto, by the way.

Chad Marshall with a beautiful upper-90 goal, and a great reaction from the crowd!

By the way: Jimmy Conrad got flat out owned on this goal. Beaten like a rented mule, by a country mile, and worse than a red-headed step child. How is he an All-Star and Guille not?

While we're jersey shopping for Rogers, maybe we should also get Schelotto a number 10 jersey that says "Blanco" on it so the other MLS idiot soccer fans and the league office will pay attention to him. He's having one of the 5 best seasons in MLS this year.

Why we're going to miss Emmanuelle Ekpo:


Why we'll miss Robbie Rogers:


Pertaining to the last two videos: Go Holland and Japan! Please knock Nigeria and the US out in group play. Thank you.

And go figure: MLS doesn't have the video of Golden Boy Jimmy Conrad getting pwned by The Cabbage Patch Kid on it's quick kicks section. Fancy that. Sure Lenhart fouled him, but I don't know what the technical term is for what Conrad was doing to keep Lenhart from blowing by him. Arm-barring? Half-nelson? It has to be a wrestling term. Kudos for Lennie getting into it with Conrad after the fact. I'm actually sad somone didn't do to him what Virtuoso did last year...

Counting Frankie's miss and two sitter crosses that were not converted(one by Moreno, one by Robbie), as well as Robbie's shots that were blocked, the Crew had the better run of play, and could have won this game 4-3 or 5-2. Instead, we lose 2 points at home, yet remain a game ahead of everyone except New England for now (though some teams have a game in hand on us.) About as good of a first half as we could have expected, all told.

Finally, on a NCR note, "The Dark Knight" is the best movie I've ever seen. Even better than "Step Up 2: In the Streetz." Best quote: "I'm like a dog chasing cars..." Trust me, when you see it, it will make sense.

Bring on the Hammers this Sunday. You going?

Crew Looking at Nigerian Striker.

Finally, this much talked about mystery man from Africa has been nearly identified. I say nearly because on a blog from Shawn Mitchell today, a rough outline of who this guy is has been given:

Here's what I know so far about the Nigerian striker the Crew is attempting to bring in for a look-see: He is 25 and played in Israel for several years. He signed with a team in Romania last season but suffered a knee injury and did not play. I don't have a lot of time to devote to identifying this player right now, which is a required part of the game that is played when talk to turns to foreign acquisitions. Anybody up for the task?

Well, since you asked, I think it's Ibezito Ogbonna. From his Wikipedia page:

Ibezito Ogbonna (born March 27, 1983) (Age 25) is a Nigerian football player. After spending four seasons in Israel with Hapoel Tel Aviv, Ogbonna signed a two year contract with CFR Cluj in Romania

He only managed to play approximately 4 minutes for the Romanians though, suffering a serious injury early in the season that kept him on the sideline for a year. Ogbonna was recently released on a free by CFR Cluj and is currently looking for a new club.

I'd say we've found our man. As far as what he can do, here's a crappy highlight reel:



Looks like he can get on the end of setpieces and corners, and he's fast enough to outrun defenders. At least, Israeli league defenders. So we'll see how he does in Columbus.

Also, what are we calling him? "Zito"? "Oggy"? I vote for "Ibezzy"...

Morning Afterthoughts: Real Stupid Loss

As the Crew stumbled out of the Rocky Mountains last night with no points after their 2-0 loss to Real Salt Lake, one has to wonder if they gave any thought to how they'll vote this November. After all, one of the biggest issues for many voters concerns the management of our environment. While this writer will not be bold enough to specualte as to which candidate offers the best solution for those issues, no doubt the Crew players would do well to consider buying a lobbyist to petition for one "green agenda": real grass in every MLS stadium.

Sure, there is a shopping list of things we could blame the Crew loss on, such as:

- Uninspired play
- Unsinpried subs
- Poor luck (how many crosses and shots have been knocked down or glanced off the woodwork?)
- RSL not being all that bad
- Everyone in Columbus being generally disturbed after seeing the new Ricart commercials.

All are valid reasons the Crew lost. And usually, I'm not one for government intervention into minute details of how privately held organizations are run. But in this age of "Fair Play" and banning streamers that "affect the run of play," how can MLS still allow legitimate games between legitimate teams to be played on fields that your dog wouldn't take a piss on? How can the standings be taken seriously when such an obvious advantage is given to teams that choose to play on poor fields?

I realize both teams have to play on the same field. But one team is used to the inherent bounces, hops, and skips the Real Fake Pitch is bound to have. Realize that RSL's pitch is not anything like the Field Turf you'll find at OSU, or one of those hybrid grass/synthetic mixes. Rice-Eccles's pitch makes concrete look like the 18th green at Pebble Beach. Is it any coincidence that RSL is unbeaten at home in the first season they got a "marginally" decent team?

Bottom line: let's not worry so much about the way we played in this game, as that's just a flat-out waste of time, considering the field. Instead let's look at the tactics used by the Sigi, which indicate what we're doing right and what we're doing wrong.

1. Using Brad Evans for 90 minutes.
Bad Idea
When the book gets written on Brad Evans' career (OK, so maybe "pamphlet" is more accurate), it will read roughly like this: Child player who was always quicker than everyone else, who became high school player who was faster than everyone else, who became college player who was one of the speediest guys on his team, makes it to MLS where he learns that he's not fast enough to cover for the fact that he is never in the right position. Every time I see Brad Evans he's doing one of two things: Busting his ass to catch up to his man who ran right into the open space he vacated, or putting his hand up to receive the ball on offense. Those are the only two definable skills the man has, and yet Sigi continues to rush him onto the field. Oh, wait I almost forgot his ability to mis-hit sitters inside the 18-yard box.

I realize Adam Moffat and Eddie Gaven aren't helping the situation by being injured, but would anyone really be that worried about Stefani Miglioranzi in that position? He's not as fast as Evans, but has better awareness, and has some decent aerial skills. Plus, he can play defense. Evans needs to see the bench, for Miglioranzi now and for Gaven when he's healthy. Why Sigi has to rush Evans out there time and again I don't understand.

2. Subbing out a left back (Junge) for another left back (Miglioranzi) when down 1-0 at home.
Bad Idea
So, last week, we were down one and Bobby Rifle sticks his neck out and puts Lenhart in for Iro. Lenhart scores the winning goal, and has one of the best goal celebrations in Crew Stadium History. This week, Sigi subs in defense for more defense when we need a goal to take points on the road. What happens? We concede another goal and score none of our own.

This is a serious question: Can we see about getting Sigi to be our director of player personnel and give the team to Robert after this season? Sigi has done some good and found some great players, but he seems stuck on certain tactics that just don't work. On the road, late in the game, I'd rather push for the tying goal and lose 5-0 than sub in more defense and still not get any points. Can't the Sigmeister at least pretend we're going for points on the road?

Fortunately, Brad Evans was on the pitch the entire game.

3. Putting Danny O'Rourke in as a center back.
Bad idea.
Danny O'Rourke wears the badge as proudly as anyone has. But he is not cut out for the middle of the defense. Put him out wide, let him get forward, and let's let Iro's fresh legs get some play while we're in the middle of the hottest part of the season. Sure, Iro's not there yet, but I'd rather get him there for later in the season, let him have his lumps now, and get it figured out. I've personally all but given up on seeing Padula for any meaningful stretch of time this season, so why not get the twin towers in the back working together, and let Danny and Frankie roam the sidelines?

Or, and here's a wild idea, maybe we should seek some kind of replacement for Marcos Gonzalez. You remember, our best defender last year? Just a crazy thought.

Personally, I'm in agreement with those that say let's put this one behind us and get ready for another huge primtime win on ESPN Thrsday night. But let's also bear in mind that there are some legit problems we have right now, and hope that Sigi can address them. And, let's stop worrying about RSL. We'll show them what real grass is all about when they come back here.

Smitty's Silly Game Preview: @ Real Salt Lake

The Crew are in the midst of a four game unbeaten streak, which nearly makes up for the four game scoreless streak they had prior to that. Trying to thwart the Crew from staying undefeated in their last 5 is a team undefeated at home in 2008. But seriously, is Salt Lake for "Real"?

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...*tear....ahahahaha.....whew....I crack myself up.

REAL SALT LAKE


WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: RSL Boss Jason Kreis is suspended yet again for comments he made criticizing the refs after a 0-0 draw with Houston last week. Kreis will miss the next two games and pay $2,000 to MLS.

In other news, apparently MLS coaches are only paid enough that $2,000 is looked upon as a financial penalty. What do they do for a 3rd offense? Take away your Rollover minutes?

NEW ADDITIONS: RSL's new stadium will be hosting the MLS All-Star game in 2009. However, none of the RSL players will be expected to play in it.

BIGGEST HOLES TO FILL: The mouths of any dependents of Jason Kreis over the next few weeks. They might be in need of some mac n' cheese and orange drink.

2008 PREDICTION: Mormons don't believe in your voodoo witchcraft.

Match Preview here.

GAME PREDICTION:

Robbie Rogers, stoked from his MLS All-Star assignment, gets a goal, and Guille gets one as well. Crew win 2-0.

Finally, for those who have never seen it, here's a South Park explanation of the Mormon faith.

Gut Check for Garber

If you missed the Open Cup between DC and Chicago this week, you missed a firecracker of a game. While DC advanced to the next round, they were nearly beaten to death by the Chicago Fire's hacking, flailing, no-talent club that is getting worse by the second.

Here are the highlights, assuming MLS isn't stifling the freedom of the press:



Fist, you'll note John "I'm getting beat by 74 year-old Jaime Moreno" Thorrington absolutely clobber High May from behind, which should have drawn straight red. Instead, because USSF-sanctioned refs are terrible, he merely saw yellow. What Thorrington did would be enough to be tied up and shot in some parts of the world. Here? He gets to finish the game...

But all hell broke loose when the Hunchback of Nacho Libre (Blanco) punched DC's Clyde Simms in the gut while trying to get him to let go of the ball (I guess?). A scuffle ensued that allowed Marc Burch to shove Blanco to the ground, at which point Blanco jumped up and attempted to gouge Simms eye. Fortunately, the ref did agree to let Blanco see red, which in turn only escalated the problem. Reportedly, Blanco spit on one of the officials, headbutted a DC team official, and threw a streamer.

Don Garber asked for the tape on that third one.

Those accusations have led the Chicago Fire Vice President of Communications Craig Elkin to give the following "account" of what Blanco did:

"[Blanco] did stop at the bench to pick up whatever and the guy got on him, and when he turned to leave, his forehead did graze the cheek or jaw area," Elkin said.

That's right ladies and gentlemen: you can all rest easy, as Craig Elkin has assured us that Blanco merely let his forehead graze the cheek or jaw area of a DC official. What, did they cuddle afterwards? Who paid for dinner? Does Blanco put out?

But at least Elkin did something to acknowledge a situation that actually happened. Don Garber hasn't said more than two words on the matter, nor has putz in training, Ivan Gazidis. Honestly, can't you picture both of them hiding under their desks at MLS HQ, texting each other on whether or not it's safe to come out yet? Even though the inssue involves their players, the sad reality is that no one really knows what MLS is going to do about this situation, because:

1. It was an Open Cup game, and thus, not an MLS-sanctioned match.
2. Blanco makes the league a lot of money
3. Don Garber seems to change his mind each week on what the rules are, so no doubt, he has plenty of room to play with this MLS-team-in-a-non-MLS-match.

Fortunately, USSF, which would technically have oversight of MLS, is looking at the tape, and will hopefully sit Blanco down or at least fine him a good chunk of change. But in my mind, the league has to send a clear message that they will not tolerate this behavior from their players. How can you not suspend a player for taking a swing at another player? What if he had actually connected to a less protected area, like the face or groin? Part of Blanco's salary is on MLS's books (the majority is paid by the Chicago ownership group, since he is a designated player), so he should be held accountable as a league employee, let alone as one of it's most visible representatives. If I'm the face of a big corporation, and I punch someone in a barfight, doesn't it make my organization look bad? Shouldn't they have to do something to me to keep the stock holders happy?

Well, MLS doesn't have stock holders. They have a group of fans who want to see the league rise to new heights. And one of the players MLS purposefully hitched their wagon to has a known history of violence against players and the media, and he is acting out again. The league must act firmly and quickly.

But my guess is that MLS will throw all their "Fair Play" objectives under the rug, and let Blanco waltz right onto whatever pitch he wants to until the season is over. We've already seen how they bend the rules for certain teams (L.A.) who are making money for the league. Certainly, any lenience Blanco receives is due as much to the fact that he sells a lot of jerseys and tickets as anything else. Money talks, and Don Garber has the spine of a jellyfish; I'd expect Blanco to wear brass knuckles on the field and get them spit-shined by the 4th official.

Imagine if David Stern was the Commisioner of MLS. Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest know all to well how he treats situations like this.

Once again, MLS has a chance to show they are a legit league that has a structure and a set of rules that don't change based on the name on the back or front of your jersey. They could show everyone that they are cracking down on rough play, and not making special exceptions for certain players. Instead, the league will most likely, in trademark fashion, send out a press release around 5pm on Friday that says they "harshly condemn" Blanco's actions but will not sanction him for it. Or they'll say nothing at all.

Either way, MLS loses. Too bad Blanco will have to miss the opening round of the U.S. Open Cup in 2009. I'm sure he's learned his lesson.

On the bright side for Crew fans, if I'm Brian McBride, do I really want to be anywhere near that cancer-riddled locker room for my reunion tour? We've still got a locker for ya in Columbus, Brian. Don't take the dust covers off of the couch and chairs in the Chicago home just yet.

Wait, how many titles did they win again?

Last night I was at Crew Stadium for the Crew Reserves MASSIVE beatdown of "legendary" side Independiente. After seeing the amount of comments/homophobic statements/bomb threats that Ryan's post generated, I figured I would see thousands of scarlet-clad supporters swaying from the steel-girded upper and lower decks of CCS.

Instead, I think I counted 5 people wearing red. It actually may have been one family. So, apparently, Independiente fans can't be bothered to stop their usual pastime (googling "Independiente" and jerking it to the results) to come and actually support their club, because they certainly weren't at the game. Boca Juniors fans, these guys ain't.

The Crew did however manage to throttle the Independiente reserves 2-1, thanks to great finishes by Robbie Rogers and Jason Garey. The Argies can say that they didn't play their full squad, but neither did the Crew. Maybe we could win 15 championships if we played in Argentina. After all, we still have the best player in the history of Argentine football playing for the Crew.

OK, so now that I've made every Independiente blogger's head explode, let's have a good ol' fashioned recap of the actual game:

- Core Elenio didn't look too bad. Lots of hustle, I could see him being a poor man's Alejandro Moreno.

- Ekpo walked off in the 23rd minute with some kind of injury. No word on how bad it was.

- Andy Iro had a nice lovetap to give to one of the Reds, sending him crashing into the signboards in front of the Nordecke. I think he needs to do that more often. He could be nasty if he decides to be mean.

- Lenhart, Pierre-Louis, and Junge are all very raw. But Pierre-Louis assisted on Garey's goal, and Lenhart had some opportunities. Still the Crew were very limited offensively for the stretch in the first half where Ekpo came out and Rogers was not yet subbed in (Robbie was subbed in at half-time).

- The keeper for Independiente? Fabian Assmann.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my next new favorite transfer target for any MLS team to get? It's this guy. With a name like Assmann, he's perfectly built to be harrassed by the Nordecke. I pray to God he gets a deal with DC, just so we can fully unleash the hate.

To give you an example, myself, Jehrico, and about 5 others started yelling "You suck, Assman!" whenever Assmann had a goal kick. Also, there was some humming of the the "Batman" theme from the 60's TV show, while of course replacing key lyric with "Ass Man!" Imagine if we had a whole week to prepare!!!

- Speaking of funny stories, Jehrico was telling me he had trouble Google mapping how far it is to get to Buenos Aires from Columbus. He said the site wouldn't work it out because their are dirt roads in the way. This led to us pretending to imitate what a TomTom would sound like being taken through one of those areas. Quite funny. You should have been there.

- I got stopped by a reporter from the Other Paper for tips on how to write an interesting article on the Crew.

Just kidding. He stopped me to ask about the Nordecke, so maybe there will be a feature about it tomorrow or next week? For those not in the know, the Other Paper is like the artsy-independent paper in town. Kind of the Megadeath to the Dispatch's Metallica. Plus it's free, so that's nice.

- I bought some new running shoes, which of course are Black and Gold. I did wear them to the game, and the Crew won. They'll be coming with me to wherever I watch the RSL game this week.

-Finally can anyone tell me who this is?



If you guessed former Akron Zips player and current Crew trialist Devin McKenney, you're probably his mom. For crying out loud, he didn't even have a name on the back of his kit. Apparently he's getting quite the trial here with the Crew: a whole 2 minutes, plus stoppage time, of a friendly? Calm down there, Sigi, let's not rush him out there or anything...

Also, if you google his name, the first thing that comes up is his Facebook page. So, wish him luck I guess.

Silly Game Preview will be up later today or tomorrow.

Morning Afterthoughts: Worshipping a False God.

I know it's Sunday, and many of you good Hooligans duly celebrated your Sabbath on Saturday, doing no work, and worshipping at the Church of Lamar as the Crew came back to earn a point against the evil Chicago F*re 2-2. Last night at that fabled steel shrine, in the absence of Pope Sigmund the Round, we saw many sins committed: lazy defending on the part of Deacons O'Rourke and Iro, officiating that was inconsistent and willfully ignorant, even the atrocious no-no, committed by Cardinal Warzycha, of subbing out a defender for...Lord, forgive me in advance... a FORWARD!

As the Crew faithful sing Hallelujahs about our comeback tie-almost-win-thingy, many are exalting the praises of one Emmanuel. And to be sure, Saint Ekpo is worthy; his passion and speed have ignited this team over the last few months. But many of the brethren are commiting an act of blasphemy by not acknowledging the one true savior:

And they will call him "Guille."

Last night, with a coniving, deformed, soothsayer of a false prophet on the other side of the pitch, Guillermo Barros Schelotto showed why the teams he has played on have reached the promised land 15 times during his professional career. He showed while magic and coniving can get one so far (you listening, Blanco?), true heart and wisdom will persevere at the end of the day. He showed that where there is nothing, he can create something.

Fortunately, we don't have to rely on hearsay and rumor to confirm the wonders of Guille. We have video proof:

Guille takes a free kick and comes within a foot of putting in a goal of the week.


Guille with another near GOTW. This play was headed nowhere, yet Guille nearly puts in a miracle.


Guille finds a wide open Chad Marshall in the box. Marshall should get 40 lashings for missing such a simple goal.


Guille fools everyone but Hejduk on a beautifully weighted pass, which Hejduk and Miglioranzi nearly tuened into the winner.


After taking the ball of a F*ire foot, Schelotto nearly draws a PK. Guille giveth AFTER taking away.


By the way, did I mention Guille provided the assists on both goals? He now leads the league, with 8 assists on the season.

Many have been led astray by false prophets (Blanco, Beckham, even an "Angel"), but as for me and my house, we will stand with Guillermo. Clearly, the best player on the field Saturday night was wearing Black and Gold.

Thank God.

Smitty's Silly Game Preview: Chicago F*re

A full-fledged, unabashed, Smitty's Silly Game Preview? Like the Weezer song and this absurd Frankie Hejduk rumor, say it ain't so! This week the Crew will be looking to light up some roman candles, bottle rockets, and sidewinders (just don't call them "f*reworks"...) against the inbred filth from Chicago. And maybe on this proud 4th of July, you're looking for someone to light your fuse? Whatever you do, get all your smokebombs and poppers out of your system before heading into Crew Stadium, but please bring your red, white, and blue streamers to the House that Lamar Built. FSC wants a good show...

CHICAGO F*IRE


WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Cuauhtemoc Blanco is a pretentious little ass, and not just because of all the whining and diving he does on the pitch; his name is an affront to readers all over the world. Two "U"s? Who the hell does this guy think he is?

Word has it though that Blanco is Schelotto's "Buiutch".

NEW ADDITIONS: Jon Busch, former Crew keeper, was rumored to have one of the larger Mo Johnstons in MLS. However, due to leaving the Massive club last year, he was forced to have some "corrective surgery." His new team nickname is "Slot".

BIGGEST HOLES TO FILL: Sooooooooooooooo not going there...

2008 PREDICTION: Millions of fans will suddenly realize the severe political incorrectness of naming a Chicago team after one of the city's worst tragedies and demand the F*re change their name. After much deliberation, the team will be known as the "Ferris Bueller's Day Off(Side)".

Match Preview here.

GAME PREDICTION: Not making one, though with The Polish Rifle Bob Warzycha (and for those not in the know, it's "var-ZEE-ha") at the helm, I think the Crew will put forth an effort our forefathers could be proud of. If they would've known and understood the game of soccer, that is.