Morning Afterthoughts: The Logic of Frankie

Posted by: Smitty



Before a soaked crowd of 15,000+ in rain-drenched Gillette Stadium, the Columbus Crew beat the New England Revolution 1-0, taking all six possible points from the Boston boys in the month of September. Along with those points, the Crew left Massachusets with a few other things in their possesion:

- The inside track on homefield advantage in the playoffs
- Ditto on the Supporter's Shield
- A lock of Shalrie Joesph's hair
- About 12 gallons of water from Hurrican Kyle, once all the uniforms were wrung out
- Another clean sheet by William Hesmer and the defense
- One more ticket sold for the L.A. Galaxy game

That last bit comes courtesy of Franklin Hejduk. He made a play that all of Crew Nation enjoyed for a split second before realizing its consequences. After getting stoned on a rifle shot, which was collected by Matt Reis, Hejduk ran up behind Reis and tried to kick the ball out of his hands. Immediately, the appropriate colored card emerged form the ref's hip pocket, and since it was the second Banana-colored card for Hejduk in the game, he was sent to the showers. At the time, this meant the Crew had to hold a tenuous, 1-goal lead for the bulk of 30 minutes to gain the full 3 points. It didn't look good, and many were wondering what Frankie was thinking.

Then the Crew went out, played as well as any 10 men can given the circumstances, and got the 3 points. A more cautious (and obviously, less intelligent) fan would say that it was still a poor judgment by our team captian, but fortunately it all worked out.

Rubbish. Frankie had a lapse in his judgement? Please. The man has been around the block, and knows exactly what he's doing when he's on the field. I'm not buying the "he lost his head" moment, not for a second. Instead, I believe Frankie was executing a perfect plan to set the stage for the most important two months of the Crew's history.

Number one, Frankie knows better than any of us what's going down on the field. Certainly, he felt the Crew were more than capable of handling the suddenly anemic Revolution without him. Further, he knew that the guys could get big heads if they whupped on the Revs agin by a score of 3 or 4 to 0. So, instead of keeping the team at full strength, he figured he would level up the playing field, and make the boys work hard for those last 30 minutes.

But that's only part of the reason Frankie took the 2nd yellow. He also did it to get a much-deserved break next week, against the woeful L.A. Galaxy. Knowing the game will have little bearing on the playoffs, Frankie obviously decided that,since the rest of Columbus hasn't seen fit to come out to Crew Stadium this season, when they finally show up for Beckham, he'll return the favor, and not be on the field. It may be a message very few if any of the soccer moms will get, but it's a message nonetheless, dammit.

Also, one has to believe that Frankie has come to enjoy his postgame sip of brew from the supporters, to the point that he decided it was about time he hung out with us for the whole game. And since his only two options were this game or the D.C. match, he could finally afford to take a much-needed staycation to Columbus Crew Stadium. Don't believe me? Witness Sigi Schmid, who, after 30 minutes of thinking about Frankie's idea, decided to order up a bleacher seat for himself this weekend as well, getting ejected near the end of the game for verbally assaulting the ref. Clearly, the Nordecke is becoming an alluring proposition for the organization's elite. Perhaps, Mr. McCullers won't even need the Preident's box next season...

But surely, the final and most obvious reason Frankie nearly took Reis's foot off on the restart had nothing to do with retaliation. It's all about the mental edge.

Let's be honest; everyone's initial reaction to Frankie's foul was something along the lines of "What the hell was that?!?". But that's just what Hejduk wanted. Everyone already knows Frankie is a bad ass. He'll cut you back, he'll tackle you with two feet, he'll run you down and make you say uncle. Oh, and now? He'll also take your goalie down from behind. What next? Maybe he'll slide tackle the official, headbutt your coach, or take down your over-priced forward, rip his head off, hollow out the deceased's skull, and use it as a spitoon. The sky is the limit, the opposition will think, because Frankie Hejduk is crazy.

Crazy like a fox, I say.

When Frankie take the field, keepers will be looking over their shoulder. When Frankie takes the field, women will hide their children, especially the ones clad in all-Beckham gear. When Frankie takes the field, any number of very bad things could happen next. You thought he wouldn't go there? Oh, he'll go there, girlfriend. And that's the point. For the rest of the season, Frankie has put the league on notice. They'll be looking for him to cause some kind of yet-to-be-seen havoc. And instead of havoc, Frankie will stroll up to forwards who are quivering in their boots, and take the ball off their feet. It will be stealing candy from a baby, or in the case of Taylor Twellman, an overpriced bitch.

Too bad they don't know, Gino Padula is the one you REALLY have to worry about. After all, it was Gino who brought the Crew's hardware from Toronto down to the lobby of the hotel to let the supporter's drink out of it.

THAT, my friends, is truly crazy. But Frankie? He's just massive, as always.

Columbus Clinches Playoff Spot*

*I think...

Posted By: Smitty


In MLS this weekend, the Crew were able to sit and watch a lot of their fellow MLS brethren take the field, knowing full well that if just enough of them won, lost, or tied in the right combination, the Crew would be guaranteed a spot in the postseason. After seeing RSL lose to Chivas, Colorado tie New England, and Kansas City beat Toronto, I think we've got an answer. Now, while I haven't seen anything officially, by my math, there is no way the Crew can miss the playoffs. Of course, if the Crew win next weekend, none of this will matter. Here's what we've got:

First, going into last night's action, there were 3 teams that cannot catch our point total:

FC Dallas - 27 points; 45 possible
L.A. Galaxy - 29 points; 44 possible
Toronto F.C. - 27 points; 42 possible

The top 8 get into the playoffs, meaning we need to be mathematically better on points than 6 other teams can achieve. After last night's results, we have two more that can't catch us:

Real Salt Lake - 31 points; 46 possible
Colorado - 31 points; 46 possible

Still, it looks like we're not mathematically clear of that 6th team, because the next two could theoretically match or exceed us on points:

Chivas USA - 33 points; 48 possible
Kansas City - 32 points; 47 possible

(For a minute, let's forget that we SHOULD be clear of Kansas City, because if there were a tie, we would own the season series (2-0-1). After all, I did a hell of a lot of math to figure this out...)

We can say the Crew clinched a spot because next weekend, KC plays Chivas. Remember, both have to win out to achieve their possible points. One of them will not be able to win out. If there is a tie, neither of them can catch us. Since that match WILL happen, and since either a tie or win-loss scenario WILL happen, we can say without a doubt that the Crew WILL be in the playoffs this year.

I think...

But if they have made the playoffs, and it looks like they have, The Crew have achieved the goal that Sigi Schmid set before them at the start of the season. It's hard not to get greedy with a team that is this good, but for those who are newer to Crew Nation, who might not have endured 2007, 2006, and 2005, please realize that for some of us, this is what we were asking for. A team with a shot come postseason time. And for the first time in a long time, we're the only team in MLS who knows we'll be there for sure.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

Morning Afterthoughts: Red Bull Gives You Wins

Posted by Smitty

Walking out of Crew Stadium last night, after the Crew's 3-1 dismantling of the New York Red Bulls, I was struck by a thought. At no time tonight did I feel like we were going to lose this game. Not after shots clanked off the post; not after Angel's perfectly taken free kick. Even at 35 minutes in, before Frankie's chip, I remember laughing and making jokes with everyone around me. In fact, for some reason, Jehrico, Blake, my buddy Adam, and I all randomly started singing the entire opening theme to "Fresh Prince." I guess we got bored singing the same four cheers over and over again.

Point is, that type of non-chalant attitude by those four members of Crew Nation is unprecedented in a game where we're losing. Winning by 2 goals? Sure. But instead of worrying about if the Crew would claw back into it and get three points, I was trying to think of a theme song to sing that would top the Fresh Prince reference. In case you're wondering, I almost busted out the "Step by Step" opener, but I wasn't sure I had the whole thing down (and upon further examination, I was waaaaaaaaay off).

This year's Crew team has proven they have the ability to storm back after conceding the first goal, and there's not any one guy the team has to rely on to bring us back. Sure, when he's been in there, Guillermo has been the catalyst, and when he's healthy, he'll be the guy we all look to. But last night, "Super Frank" Frankie Hejduk stepped up with a goal of the week nominee (more on this later), as did Robbie Rogers. But in what has become the defining trait of this Crew team, they just keep coming at you. Even with a 2-1 lead and our defense once again playing lights out, the Crew kept pushing for a 3rd, 4th, 5th goal. It's almost like they have a pot of money on the training table and the last guy to score in the game gets the pot.

We didn't see that last year. In 2007, we got a lead, sat on it, and self destructed. But Sigi Schmid has these guys playing a brand of soccer which I hope becomes the standard of the Black and Gold for years to come. That style starts with efficiency in the back; few fouls in the defensive third, tidy cleanup of most messes, and neat and quick distribution to Brian Carrol, Frankie, or Gino Padula. Those guys press the ball into the offensive third, either by connecting with the wings, or making the run themselves. If that's not there, they find a way to get the ball quickly to the Columbus Distribution Company (Guillermo or Noonan), and they get the ball to dangerous feet in the offensive third. No matter how they do it though, the Crew bring the ball to your front door, and demand to be let in. That's why this year, Crew fans can breathe easy even with a 1-goal deficit. We know the boys won't let up.

Let's hope this style of soccer is here to stay.

Other Thoughts:

- Yesterday, on my way into the stadium, I thought I might give the local sports station (1460 "The Fan") a call to talk about the game. The producer of "The Big Show" with Bruce Hooley answered, and I told him I wanted to talk about the Crew game. He said that even though there were 45 minutes left in the "Big Show", they weren't going to have time to talk about the Crew.

I asked him why not, and he said it just wasn't in their schedule. I asked if they would ever talk about soccer on that show; he said, "Probably not..." I asked him if he could name one player on the Columbus Crew; "Nope, I don't follow soccer" came the reply. Bear in mind, this is the guy who was also reading the 20/20 sports updates, which should include news of sports, specifically those happening in Columbus. On three different report I heard yesterday, there was not a mention of the Crew game.

"So let me get this straight," I fumed. "You're the sports station in Columbus, but you won't talk about the Crew? Do you consider soccer a sport?" He replied he did, but that the audience wasn't interested (if that's what they think, I can't help them.) Then I asked him, if since they are an ESPN Radio affilate, and the game would be on ESPN2, couldn't they at least mention their network programming lineup for the evening? He said he would try.

So to summarize, 1460 the Fan won't talk about a Columbus sports team playing a game that night in Columbus, but they will talk about something their network affiliate is boradcasting all across the country. Reason? They think you and I aren't interested.

Let's prove 1460 "The Fan" wrong. Starting today, and going through next Friday, call the station and ask to talk about the Crew. In fairness, I was a little angry, so try not to act like I did. Be polite, be courteous, and don't try to sound elitist. But call and ask them to talk about the Crew, or volunteer to go on the air and talk about last night's game, or to break down next week's Massive tilt with New England.

1460 AM has local shows on during these two times, so these are the times to call:

Mon-Fri 12-2pm (Midday Show - Mike Riccordati and Scott Torgerson)
Mon-Fri 4-7pm (Big Show - Bruce Hooley, Chris Spielman, Kirke Herbstriet)

Studio line - 614-821-1460

Remember, don't use any four letter words, as they're on a delay, and no one will even know what you said. Plus it makes us all look bad. But do call them and ask the Columbus sports station to let you on the air to talk about a Columbus sports team.

- Some people are saying that Frankie Hejduk's goal was just a lucky cross that went the right way. Others are saying it was a deft chip. Juan Carlos Osorio, Red Bulls head man, said he wasn't sure, but thought it was lucky. The AP story I read after the game said it was a lucky cross. But Frankie himself dismisses that saying he meant to do it. If you re-watch the match, you see Conway was in poor position, and Frankie made him pay for it.

If he meant to do it, and I personally belive he did, it should be a GOTW nominee. Same with Robbies goal. Two excellent strikes.

- Sure it's great to get three goals, but more impressive is how Chad Marshall and Danny O'Rourke shut down Juan Pablo Angel. His only chance was the free kick, which was well taken, but the call that set it up was bogus. In the run of play, Angel had nothing on either of these guys. Especially Marshall, who may need to make sure he is familiar with the process of applying for EU Work Permits here very soon. I mean, he's apparently not good enough for Bob Bradley and the USMNT to give him a call, but I'm sure this offseason, the Crew will field some requests from across the pond for his services.

So let's see, on this team we potentially have:

MVP - Guillermo Barros Schelotto
Defender of the Year - Chad Marhsall
Comeback Player of the Year - Chad Marshall
Coach of the Year - Sigi Schmid

Not bad.

- While I love the cheers we are doing, I'm always up for spicing it up with something new. Jehrico attempted to do this last night, with little success, by singing "You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass" to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain..." Sadly, it didn't catch on. We also tried to start "Who the hell wears a headband" to the Seven Nation Army tune. Look for these hits and more on our upcoming CD, "Hudson Street Hooligans Love Their Country."

- We walked over to see J.P. Dellacamera and John Harkes after the game. Both were very friendly, and both stated how impressed they were with the team and the Nordecke. Harkes made three references that I caught during the game broadcast to the Hudson Street Hooligans. After the game, he talked more about the Nordecke than about the actual game, though he did say, even without Guillermo, the Crew would be a team that could win MLS Cup. High praise from the best U.S. soccer analyst out there.

- Not To be Debbie Downer here, but the only bad part about last night was that the Crew looked so dominating even without Guillermo Barros Schelotto. While we all know Guille is the best we may ever see in Black and Gold, the two games he's missed show that the Crew can keep ticking even without him, albeit, against poor competition. Hopefully, this doesn't factor in when pundits look at who should get the nod for MVP. Regardless of hwo the Crew are playing now, there is little doubt that Guillermo was one of the factors in changing the attitude of this club. We went from feeling like we would find a way to lose, to knowing we'll find a way to win. That's the mentality of a champion, and Guillermo is one of the few guys on the team who has won a championship. I'd say he has to be somewhat responsible for that turnaround, along with Sigi, and all the other players.

- Speaking of the MVP, I stayed around last night and stood in line at the autograph tent. Sure, it might have made me look like I was 12, but Guillermo was there, in his suit and tie, and I got his autograph on my scarf. I also got sigs from Ekpo and Padula. If the Crew go on to MLS Cup, that scarf will be retired. And say what you will, but I'm seriously considering voting for Guillermo in 2008. Sure he can't win, but if you're asking me who I trust to lead this country? I'll gladly follow Guille before those other jokers.

Don't forget to watch the MLS games this weekend. If the right teams lose, a few more tie, and I stand on my head, the Crew will clinch a playoff spot. Might not be official this weekend, but with the win lastnight the Crew should be in to the playoffs. I know most die-hards will be holding our breath until we see that asterisk in the standings. Here's hoping we get it this weekend, so we can concentrate on the Shield, and then the Cup.

Smitty's Silly Match Preview: New York Red Bulls

Columbus returns from the land of the Canucks, only to be welcomed to the temporary land of the utility trucks. Hurricane Ike, in Ohio? Can someone email George W. Bush and tell him the Haliburton Hurricane Machine is supposed to hit the Gulf Coast, and not the Midwest? Seriously dude, WTF?

Still, even a cautious outside observer would be compelled to tell the Crew's head coach, "You're doing a heckuva job, Sigi." Only in this case, he really is. But of late, the team compiled by Mr. Osorio in New York is faring pretty well, going 4-1-1 in it's last six. When two of the hottest teams in MLS collide with a high pressure system of being the game of the week on ESPN2, it's bound to be a storm of biblical proportions. Hope you've got power by then...

GAME 25 - NEW YORK RED BULLS



What You Need To Know: Before getting a last-minute sponsorship offer from Red Bull, New York almost inked a deal that would have made them "New York Crystal Light."

New Additions: Mac Kandji, a Senegalese forward New York snagged from Atlanta of USL 1, will not play this week against Columbus due to fear.

Well, that and a sprained ankle. But fear first.

Chances of making the playoffs:

The Crew? About as likely as John Wolyniec winning a Taylor Hicks look-a-like contest.

New York? More like Wolyniec getting a gig endorsing Just for Men; it makes sense, just don't know if he'll be able to seal the deal.

Topical Insult of the Week: "Hey New York fans! Columbus is going to beat you like the housing crisis beat up Fannie Mae! Only, there won't be a federal reserve and quorum of Senators to save your ass!"

Crew Notes:

- Guillermo Barros Schelotto will be resting his ailing hamstrings for a second straight week, in preperation for New England on Sept. 27th. Apparently, they're a little worn from carrying around Guille's Massive Balls.

Match preview here.

Prediction: The Crew replicate their mad scoring dash of 2004, where they scored 4 goals on New York to win 4-2. This time, Gaven scores for the Crew (he played for New York back then), as do Moreno, Marshall, and Garey. Noonan and Rogers get 2 assists apiece.

Where You Go, We Follow

Sometimes fate is a cruel mistress. Many Columbus Crew fans can attest to that, as they saw trees uprooted, sheds destroyed, and 48+ hours of no electricity over the last few days. In fact, depending where you live, you might not be able to read this article until after the New York Red Bulls game. Or after the next Buckeyes game. Or, if you're in Westerville, possibly Christmas. 2010 Christmas, that is. Apparently, Hurricane Ike was not a fan of perfectly landscaped neighborhoods and good high school football. Too bad.

But there are other times where fate is a supermodel alone with you on a desert island, and she's gone into "Ah, what the hell, let's go for it!" mode.

Saturday in Toronto was one of those days.

In case you missed it, the Crew scrapped out a 1-1 Trillium Cup Winner over their ever-growing rivals, Toronto F.C. Pat Noonan was a beast, Robbie Rogers was a demon, and the pair of Danny O'Rourke and Chad Marshall made short work of any and all Toronto attacks. Sadly, the Crew only earned a point because plastic turf is not real grass, rain doesn't help fake grass get better, and Alejandro Moreno was juuuuuuust a little tired form all his international call-ups (at least, I hope that's all it was.)

But most of all, Saturday was a day that Columbus Crew Supporters proved once and for all the definition of Massive, as the Crew added what may be the first of many pieces of hardware to the 2008 trophy case.

Below is a desription of the tales that have become "Massive Toronto Road Trip: September '08". Names and dates were changed to protect the innocent (except any story involving Ryan...). Read at your own peril.

- Arriving at Crew Stadium early Saturday morning, many were bleary-eyed and tired. Fortunately, a camera crew was there to film all of us, as was Crew GM Mark McCullers. Give the man credit, he helped subsidize the trip, and got up at the crack of dawn to see us off. I like him more and more every day.

- Ryan and I were first to crack open a cold one. In case you're keeping score, it was the Champagne of Beers, which as everyone knows, is Miller High Life. Sadly, no one had the Motts Apple Juice of Beers (Strongbow) readily available.

- New York had a crap-ton of vineyards.

- Canada's border security policy #345: If the bus is full of white people in soccer gear, don't bother to check their passports. Welcome to Canada!

- We thought we were about two hours away from Toronto, as the sign said "Toronto - 120". with it already being 1pm, we were all frightened we'd miss the beginning of the game, which was at 3:30, if we hit any traffic. It took 10 minutes before we realized the sign was in kilometers, which takes roughly 34 minutes to traverse.

- At some point, after some drinking had occurred, it was decided that we should try to act like the stereotypical dumb American many Canadians think of when they look at the lower 48. This led me to say, in a thick Tennessee accent, that I would argue with a Toronto concession stand worker about the fact that the grass in BMO looked too real to be fake. Eventually, I stated, I would get so far into the argument that I would say, "I want to fight you. Physically. With my fists." Sadly, after that, no one would allow me anywhere near the concession stands...

- After more drinking occurred, we all determined that the team should let us take the Trillium Cup (if we won it) back on the bus with the supporters, or at the very least, let us drink out of it. File that one away as "best idea ever."

- Ryan professed his undying love for beef-steak nuggets.

- The bus pulled up, and we unloaded right at the Red Patch Boys Tailgate.

Awk-ward......

- We were swarmed by camera crews from Toronto, who wanted to get our international perspective on the match. Ryan was one of the first to be interviewed, and as he did all he could to tell the camera people what he was thinking, the alcohol fought him every step of the way. Fortunately, the camera people thought he was just French-Canadian.

- They have a lot of funny rules in Canada, but one of them is that you can't have an open container of alcohol in public. However, one can circumvent this rule by pouring the alcohol into a coffee cup. Apparently, it has to do with the government being subsidized by Tim Hortons.

- After about 20 minutes, the coffee cups had a weird reaction to the booze, and started to fall apart quicker than Carlos Ruiz inside the penalty area (ZING!). This led many to do the unthinkable: pay 12 American dollars for Carlsberg.

- Once inside the stadium, we got to our seats and started chanting. Our chants? MASSIVE. But the stadium itself? Talk about underwhelming...

First, BMO Field is about the size of Dublin Coffman's football stadium. Not that Crew Stadium is going to seat 50k anytime soon, but at least it doesn't look like the field you had P.E. on when you were in high school.

Further, while the announced "crowd" of 19k was supposedly a sellout, it looked like fewer than your average night at Crew Stadium. I would call the "stands" 2/3 full MAX. Not exactly what one expects of the supposed "crown jewel" of of Don Garber.

And yes, I "like" using quotation marks...

- If you don't know what happened at the game, go rewatch it.

- One disturbing trend from during the game: there were at least 20-30 TFC fans scattered about through the crowd that spent more time watching, taunting, and making homophobic gestures towards the Crew Supporters than they did actually watching the game. Real winners, these guys.

- Under the stadium, while on a beer run, one of our supporters had his scarf stolen from him while he was standing in line. The douchebag who stole it is the one we see at Crew Stadium every year with TFC, the idiot who shaves a Maple Leaf into the back of his head. After the Crew fan asked him for the scarf back, Hoser Loser offered to "trade" the Crew supporter for a TFC scarf. Not sure how you can call "stealing and then offering something less than what was stolen as compensation" a "trade", but the Crew Supporter consented. Keep this incident in mind for later...

- At the conclusion of the game, the Black and Gold came over to give the supporters a cheer, then came back with the Trillium Cup. Sadly, the name only gets worse the more I say it; sounds a bit like something Luke Skywalker would wear in a little league game. Can't we call it something cool, like the "Tri", or "The thing we're gonna win every year?"

Name aside, I'm glad those Canuck Bastards didn't get their mitts on it.

- We were held by security for about 15 minutes so the stadium could clear out. This plan worked smashingly, as everyone left the grounds.

Well, everyone except for about 200 knuckle-draggers who thought it would be fun to take on the Crew Supporters, of which about half were either women, children (12 and under, in a few cases), over the age of 55, or in the most of the rest of the cases, too drunk/tired to really worry about proving any modicum of machismo.

- As we exited the stadium, the TFC goons start harrassing Crew fans, getting in their faces, and tongue wagging about how awesome their team is. This led to more tongue wagging back, which then resulted in pushing and shoving. Eventually someone broke through from TFC, even though the Toronto police were trying to give the Crew fans some protection.

Then it all kinda broke loose.

- The first guy I saw was a large man, about 6-4, and well over 300 lbs, who came charging at our intrepid Crew fan who had already had his scarf stolen. This Crew fan was standing in front of a parked car, and as the big oaf swung and missed, 3-4 Crew fans threw this huffed-up hoser up against it, and held him until the cops got there.

The cops proceeded to cuff, throw to the ground, hogtie, and mace this jackass. Then they kicked him in the ribs for good measure. Note to self: Don't get fisty around the Canadian Police.

- We had about 200 yards to get across the parking lot, and along the way, minor shouting scuffles broke out, but no true fights (funny the perspective one gains after witnessing a little police brutality). As we tried to herd ourselves back on the bus, insults were still being shouted by TFC, and one of their supporters ran through and stole a scarf off the neck of one of our boys, which did nothing to help matters.

- One of the Crew's longtime supporters was pushed to the ground, and her brother had been dragged away by either the TFC fans or the cops (not sure, as that's hearsay that I did not see.)

- Finally, after about 15 minutes, everyone got on the bus, and was accounted for. Someone from Toronto's fan group was sent on to our bus to offer to trade the stolen Crew scarf "in return for the one that was stolen earlier..."

We told them to stick it where the sun don't shine, as the only scarf we had was the previously mentioned peace offering for stealing ANOTHER one of our scarves. Sadly this did leave us down a scarf, but it left us about +50 in the "maturity", "honor", and "awesome" categories.

On that note, if you see a Crew fan walking around at Ruby's who is about 6'11 without a scarf, give him a couple of bucks. He shouldn't have to buy another one.

- Once on the bus, we all proceeded to sing loudly for the Crew, and drink even more alcohol. Much back-slapping ensued.

- Then we all noticed we were being given a police escort to our hotel. This caused even more unbelief, back-slapping, and "We are MASSIVE!" chants.

- We deboarded at one of the nicest hotels in Toronto, in the shadow of the CN tower, the Rogers Center, and Chad Marshall. This was the players hotel, and it was where we stayed for the night.

From here, stories start to get fuzzy, and lines become blurred. Many of us ran into our favorite players, shared an elevator with the Rotund One, and even managed to say a few words of praise, like, "Nice game..." or "Hey, you're Brian Carrol!".

As people went out that night, more tales of debauchery happened, many of which, out of solidarity with my fellow Crew fans, I cannot share. But we'll just say that rumors flew the next morning. There was a rumor of a girl trying to fight the Rogers Center field crew, physically; a rumor that some were shotgunning beers until 4 in the morning in a hotel suite that could easily house a celebrity next weekend; yet another rumor persisted that I went to bed at 10:30 (a bald-faced lie!). The best unconfirmed story was that one of the Massive Crew fans locked himself out of his room in only his boxer-briefs. No one but the hotel front desk can truly confirm how he got back into his room.

But there was one true to life story I can confirm for you. After 8 hours in a bus, after 3 years of missing the playoffs, after 12 years of everything from Tony Sanneh to DC United in the playoffs, a bunch of Crew fans got what they deserved: a moment with some hardware. Credit to the Crew F.O. staff who made it happen. And though a lot of the last paragraph was rumor, when I tell you that I, and probably 2 dozen other Crew fans, got to not only hold the Trillium Cup, but drink Stella Artois from its crowning bowl, I am telling the 100% truth. Fate was kind to us on that day, and no paycheck I may have blown can ever replace the good times and great friends we had on this trip.

While the events of the day were almost marred by what could have been an ugly incident outside of the stadium, the end result was beautiful. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess. That, or drink harder liquor. The point is, despite Toronto's best efforts on the field and off, they couldn't keep the Columbus Crew from yet another historic chapter in what's becoming a season for the ages.

No Guille? No Problem...

As I sit here, unable to sleep in anticipation of this bus ride up to Toronto, I can't help but think how convenient the timing is of the "lower-body" injury suffered by Guillermo Barros Schelotto. In case you missed the articles
about it in the Dispatch, Guille tweaked a hammy on Thursday and may miss a week or two. Of course, everyone freaked about this, including my brother, who sent me a feverish email with the phrase "This is NOT good!" as the headline, and a link to the Dispatch story. We talked each other off the ledge in subsequent emails, noting that we bought Noonan for a reason, we just spent a week talking about how deep this team is, and that Sigi will make any adjustments necessary. Calmly, we both started breathing again, and hopefully life will continue to go on.

But after a few days of chewing on it, I think Guille just pulled a fast one on Canada. The Crew can afford the luxury of him sitting it out, so if he wants to say he "tweaked" his hamstring, or that it is "hard", I'm cool with that. And I have my reasons for thinking he's bluffing. Consider:

1. The turf in venerable old BMO field is abhorred by aging soccer players, especially talented ones. The ball plays differently, the game doesn't really sort out for the first 20 minutes anyway due to the tactical advantage it gives, and it leaves you sore for days after playing on it. Why would we want to put one of our best players at risk on this field, against a team that hasn't proven they can win, regardless of who they throw on the field?

2. The playoffs are looming, and Guille is going to go from playing about 23 games last year to playing possibly 35-plus this year. He's got to take a break, and looking down the schedule, this is the only team he could legitimately take a night off against. Further, if he had to take a two week vacation, New York isn't a bad choice, either. Keep him healthy for the New England rematch, which will be decidedly closer, the Galaxy game, when everyone in Columbus who cares will be there, and the final matches against Chicago and DC, which will be bloodbaths.

3. Guillermo could probably care less about Toronto, it's fans, and coach (though after the last Toronto Tilt, Guille said John Carver's team "play very badly..."), but more importantly, that team, fanbase, and coach HATE Guillermo. After their 0-0 tie in April, Carver could not just take solace in the fact that his team held one of MLS's best offenses to 0 goals; he went out of his way to criticize Guillermo specifically:

"I've not seen anything like it, to be honest," Carver said. "I've never been involved with anything like that before."

Right, John. In all your years coaching professional clubs, like Newcastle (1 game) and Leeds (5 games), you didn't see anything like it. Perhaps if you hadn't spent those 6 games, and the entirety of your stay in Toronto, looking for an official to blame and then berate, maybe you would have noticed more things going on during the games.

So why would Guille give these putzes in Toronto exactly what they want? Possibly because he realizes that he is the best in MLS? The face value of the tickets in Toronto should be devalued by two loons for todays game, as the best player in the league won't be making an appearance. Sadly, you can't expect people who worship Danny Diccio and Amado Guevarra to appreciate "talent" when they see it. While they won't know what they're missing, we certainly do.

4. Guillermo knows the Crew, when playing at their best, don't need him to beat the USL afterthoughts and Championship rejects that populate TFC's roster card. Not saying the Crew will beat Toronto tomorrow; anything CAN happen, after all. But there is no reason the Crew should lose to a team like Toronto, even with our best player in street clothes. Honestly, would you take any player on Toronto's roster on trade for Emmanuel Ekpo or Pat Noonan?

Didn't think so.

5. Finally, do you remember when Guille received a yellow card for supposed "elaboration" on fouls he received late in the most recent Toronto game? If not, it was quintessential to understanding Guille. After getting knocked to the ground for about the 80th time by one of Carver's hapless thugs, Guille got up wondering why play had been stopped, restarted, and no free kick awarded. When a TFC player advised him the foul had been called on him for "diving", a completely bogus charge, and that he received a yellow card ofr it, Guille thought so little of the decision that he threw his head back in laughter, shocked that the game could be that absurdly officiated.

But almost immediately, his face went from pure delight to dead on seriousnes, as he looked towards Sigi, Robert, and the gang, signaled for a substitute, and with his hands, made the gesture indicating "no more, I'm done..." It was as if he was saying, "I tried my best to play on this plastic fake field, with uncoordinated goons on the other team, and blind knuckle-draggers posing as referees. I tried. But that's it. This is not worth my time. Get me out of here." Naturally, a man who has played football at it's height for a sustained period of time would be the best barometer of where football should be played. He clearly doesn't think it's Toronto. Don Garber and his MLS cronies would do well to listen to the feelings of it's league's best player when it comes time to add possibly ANOTHER Canadian team.

Do I think Guille is using this injury as a convenient excuse? Of course. And I applaud him for it. Toronto, it's stadium, and fans, aren't worth his time. And that's to say nothing of it's football team.

An Open Letter to the Wayward Among Us...

What more can be said about the Columbus Crew? We're top of the table, making things look unstable, and we might just be watching the most complete roster MLS has seen in the last 5 years.

Instead of raving about the performances of Guille, Iro, and Garey, as everyone has already done, I decided to writer a letter to Columbus sports fans who haven't yet trekked out to Crew stadium this year. With only 3 games left, it might be time for us to take matters into our own hands. Feel free to copy and paste this into an email and send it to your friends, especially the ones who don't understand what the hell you're talking about when you the words "Guille", "Brace", and "Crewsmas".

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Columbus Sports fan,

By now, you've probably caught some inkling of a percolating set of circumstances over on Velma Ave and Hudson Street. You may have noticed that giant hunk of steel called Crew Stadium has gotten a little more massive this year, thanks in no small part to a gargantuan cantilevered-steel stage. You might also have noticed a few people wearing Crew jeseys at the mall, heard someone at work mention "the Black ad Gold", maybe even been fortunate enough to have the Hudson Street Hooligan parade stop your northward progress up 4th Street on a random Saturday evening. Regardless of how you've heard about it, the Crew are increasingly creeping back into the local conversation, even among non-sports fans.

Sadly, most of those conversations begin with the sentence "Hey, I heard the Crew were doing pretty well," and end with the phrase "Does McBride still play for them?"

It's hard to blame you for the ignorance. Despite some increased blogosphere action, an honest-to-God sportswriter named Shawn Mitchell, and Larry Larson's occasional mentions, the Crew are still fighting for media coverage in this city. 1460 The Fan, the main sports station in town, can't be bothered to stop breathlessly reporting about whether a college junior has an owie on his toe. (To be fair, 1460 wouldn't know a soccer ball if Chris Spielman produced one from his nether regions.) Despite their online coverage, which is a home run, the Dispatch fail to squeeze any mention of the only professional team in Columbus to win hardware onto it's front page. The TV channels are trying, but 2 minutes in between the last look at weather and the touchy-feely dog rescue story are a tough place to do any real reporting.

If only the professional athletes on the Crew could don pads and helmets, and regain some high school eligibility. Then they could get their own half-hour show on Friday nights.

Unfortunately for you skeptics, if you want to find out what's really going on down at Columbus Crew Stadium, you're just gonna have to pony up the cash and get a ticket. Since it may be your first time in a long time, it might be good to sit up high, take it all in from the upper deck and see what's going on. Or sit in the best seats in the house; either way it's only a $10 swing in Crew Stadium from the cheapest seats ($14) to the most expensive ($24). That's right, you can see a professional sporting event in Columbus, and bring your wife and kids, for under $100. That's a far cry from the cheapest seats in Nationwide Arena ($20 for the nose-bleeds) or at Ohio Stadium ($63 to be told by bluehairs to sit down). Of course, the Crew don't have the tradition of OSU, but then again, who can afford tradition at these prices? If they sold "tradition" by the gallon, gas and booze would be a bargain by comparison.

Anyway, when you get to venerable old Crew Stadium, you'll notice super crisp passing on the field, thanks to Guillermo Barros Schelotto (more on him in a second). You'll hear from our newly-unified supporter's section, The Nordecke. Don't worry, we're easy to spot. You'll be able to get brats for a buck on certain nights (like next Thursday), and if you sit low enough, you might get a free jersey from one of the players.

Oh and those players! Forget Beckham and Blanco, who you may have heard about. The Crew have the MVP of MLS. No, the voting hasn't been done yet, but if the Crew's Guillermo Barros Schelotto does not win the MVP award for the league, the award will cease to possess any meaning (kind of like Toronto F.C.'s season). In 23 league matches, he's been responsible for 24 goals (either on an assist, or a goal himself). If you're worried about the lack of scoring that typically is assumed about soccer, this guy will soothe any concerns. With Guille as the catalyst, the Crew are on a tear over the last 4 games, all wins, scoring 11 goals, 10 of which were caused by Schelotto. And it's not a fluke; in Argentina, Guille's home country, the man is a bonafide legend, havng been a part of 18 championship winning teams. Yes, 18. That's 6 times the Superbowls Tom Brady has won, 3 times the titles Jordan won, almost as many times as Roger Clemens has retired. Thus, when you see the masses of Crew stadium literally bowing down to the chant of "Guille", you'd be wise to follow suit.

Also on the field are a few U.S. National Team pool players (Frankie Hejduk, Robbie Rogers, Will Hesmer, and soon, Chad Marshall), a silver medalist (Emmanuel Ekpo, Nigeria), and the most solid defensive midfielder in MLS, Brian Carrol. Nevermind Mr. Hustle, Alejandro Moreno, and spark plugs like Brad Evans, Eddie Gaven, Steve Lenhart, and Jason Garey who has scored in every game he's played in this season.

Maybe you're sick of cupcakes on the schedule of that other football team in Columbus. Well, the last two wins for the Crew were against a team that was leading the Western Conference a mere month ago (Real Salt Lake) and the two-time defending Eastern Conference Champions (New England). Both were absolute dismantlings; the Crew played one of their best halves of the year in the first half against Real Salt Lake. They played their best game of the year against New England. Both will be in the playoffs this year.

(Oh yeah, the Crew will be back in the playoffs this year, something the Blue Jackets have yet to accomplish.)

Sitting at the head of this tremendous team is the mastermind, the chief, the grand poobah himself, Sigi Schmid. He's only the 2nd coach to get 100 wins in MLS; the other one coaches the U.S Men's National Team, and some have openly questioned whether Sigi would have been the better choice. He's built the best team in MLS this year largely off of guys who didn't have much cred in American soccer circles, pulling out gems like Adam Moffat (2nd division last year), Gino Padula (French 2nd division), Andy Iro (draft pick passed on by half of MLS), Brad Evans (never got a chance until this year), Robbie Rogers (ditto), and of course, the aforementioned Guillermo Barros Schelotto, who was not getting first team minutes and was thought by many to be done with his career. Now he looks like he could play until he's 40. And the man who built the Crew back from utter ruin? Sigi.

Look, I'm not telling you to throw out your Scarlet and Gray or Rick Nash jersey. I'm just asking you to think about making some room in your closet for Columbus' first major league franchise. Truth be known, most of you still have some Black and Gold from back in the days of McBride, Stern John, Mike Clark, Brad Friedel, and Jeff Cunningham. If you're not careful, you just might miss seeing the team that could rewrite everything those guys ever did, and then some.

So come out to Crew Stadium! We'll save you a seat, but not for long...

Watch it.

The video of the highlights from the last Crew-Revs game, that is. I dare ya:



Notice anything?

For one, speed kills the defending Eastern Conference Champs. New England's "vaunted" defense couldn't contain Robbie Rogers, Frankie Hejduk, or Eddie Gaven back in April. Yes, you read that Eddie Gaven part right, as he's faster than most of us think. In fact, look back at last season to see how well Gaven, Rogers, and the rest of the boys did against New England:



Watching that game, you should also bear in mind that guys like Tim Ward and Rusty Pierce are no longer a part of this team on defense, and Chad Marshall wasn't there. But on offense, the Crew have no problems beating guys like Ralston, Parkhurst, and Joseph. Granted, we lose two big players with Hejduk and Moreno playing for country this weekend. But I'm eager to see what guys like Evans, Ekpo, Zayner, and even Lenhart can bring to the table. Also, let's not forget some guy named Noonan has this date circled on his calendar.

But you don't even have to look just at the Crew's pwnage of the center of the pitch vs. the Revs for evidence they are lighter that people give them credit for. Joe Public showed what they can do, albeit against a fairly limited mix of reserves and regulars, in their CONCACAF whuppin' of New Engand 6-1 on aggregate. But watch the highlights of the Galaxy - Revs game from last week:



Neither Parkhurst nor Badilla can keep up. Granted, Lando Cal-prissycakes is pretty damn fast, but as we've mentioned, Rogers, Evans, Ekpo, and yes, even Gaven, have enough moves to get past what passes for the plodding, mud-footed Revs defense these days.

But the way you truly dismantle a team like New England? You've got to have someone who can make precision passes, someone who has the weight of the world and the eye of the needle all on his feet. You need someone who can spring our speed when it's least expected, and thus, most deadly.

Know anyone like that?



And certainly, when it comes to great games, Guille has had them against the Revs. His monster 30-yard game winner against the Revs in October was the Crew's Goal of the Year, and he also created the chance Robbie Rogers cracked off the crossbar that gave Eddie Gaven the tap in for his goal. Fortunately for New Engand, he's not the hottest player in MLS right now, so maybe he won't be on his game...

Oh, wait. He's the guy who has the golden touch in MLS. In 22 games this year, Guille has hit 16 assists and 5 goals. 21 goals created in 22 games? Son, it don't get much better. As of late, it seems he's been able to put the ball on the head of anything larger than a pin, and those non-pin-sized heads are finding ways to put the ball in the net. But let's not forget that Guille has also got the staggering ability to play a yo-yo one touch with the best of them, and can play a ball that has the keeper pulling out a compass and protractor.

In sports, there's always a team that everyone has to go through if they want to be on top. In the Eastern Conference of MLS, that's the Revs. But on any team that overthrows an incumbent champion, one player usually rises up to lop the head off of the proverbial dragon. The Crew have just that player in Schelotto.

Will the Crew beat the Revs on Saturday night, with all of MLS watching? Who knows. But Crew fans should be livid if the Crew don't shut down the faltering New England side once and for all. They clearly have the tools and talent to do it.