Columbus Til I Die

Massive Photos: The Crew Return Home

2008-11-24T22:58:00.000-08:00

The 2008 Columbus Crew returned home from MLS Cup, with the MLS Cup, and a bunch of bags under their eyes, only to meet a gaggle of supporters, news media, and other random people with extremely nice cameras. As one of those latter groups, I took it upon myself to snap some shots, here's what I got:

It was a very "special" win for this guy...

Some of the Supporters on hand.

And a few more.

Mayor Michael Coleman helped Crew Assistant(?) Coach Robert Warzycha bring the Phil F. Anschutz trophy home to Columbus. No word on if Mayor Coleman's wife was able to get her wish of filling the entire thing with Margarita Mix.

The fact this man can stand after the beating he took this season is commendable. Alejandro Moreno os a tough son of a gun...

"OMG Danny, someone is taking your picture...or maybe they're taking mine?"

Eddie Gaven, minus beard, signs autographs for Crew fans with facial hair.

He's fast, he's quick, his hat is made of knit...

Emmanuel, Emmanuel....

Mayor Coleman, a man of the people.

"Why the hell is 'Lost' coming back for another season? And shouldn't it technically be called 'Found'?"

Bob Rifle explains to the Mayor why he feels gun control is a bad idea.

Brad Evans...we're all crossing fingers for you in the expansion draft...

Mohawk, Ipod, Pillow. Andy Iro is set for whatever life throws at him, such as random naptime, or pillowfights with Mr. T.

Gino Padula actually broke a sweat carrying this thing around...

...so Ekpo and Junge came to the rescue.

The Polish Rifle talks to the local journos. Is this a sign of things to come?

And on that day, the Lord Jesus Christ, the God of Heaven and Earth, descended upon the earth and decreed that his f...oh wait, it's Frankie Hejduk.

Parting shot. I bought 15 of these by the way...

Morning Afterthoughts: We Are the Champions

2008-11-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been a part of something so flawless? That thought resonates as I look back on what today became the Crew's 2008 Championship Season, a phrase that I am still not used to, and in fact, am skeptical of actually uttering out loud. For 13 long years, the Crew have run into every conceivable way of losing, coming up short, or missing it by the Max Smart standard of "that much." Crew fans have become masters of acceptance, especially in the art of finding hope in a situation that ended less than perfectly. Mostly, we have come by this trait naturally; after all, in the evolution of MLS, Crew fans sometimes felt as if we were stuck in the primordial goo while watching other species transform into contenders. Eventually, as we underdeveloped neanderthals continued playing in the muck, we stopped viewing the situation as it was, and rationalized an acceptance of a less than perfect situation.

In other words, yeah we suck, but we're not THAT bad...

But today Crew fans can finally say we root for the best, in every blessed sense of the world. Even by Hollywood's tired and cliched standards, the Crew's 2008 season would be tough to script. The team that missed the playoffs last year turned everything around. We won MLS Cup, the Supporter's Shield, and the Eastern Conference Championship; we had the Coach and Defender of the Year, as well as the MVP, who coincidentally won the MVP for the biggest game in Columbus Crew history; we have the loudest fans in MLS, who got to witness the Crew dispatch of DC, KC, Chicago, and New York in their playoff run; we saw longtime veterans like Frankie Hejduk and Duncan Oughton finally get the hardware their careers deserved, while the former fittingly scored the exclamation point on the season; The Crew scored the first and last goals in MLS this year, all the while saying "We're Not Done Yet". It's one thing to win it all, but it's another to do it in style. While some wondered if the Crew could have their cake and eat it too, most diehards Crew fans were caught saying, "You mean there's been a cake here all this time?" Yes, Columbus, there is a cake, and you can have it all.

To say the Crew dismantled New York is not really fair. Juan Carlos Osorio, Juan Pablo Angel, Dave Van Der Bergh, and any of the multiple-name Red Bull players gave their best effort, which looked as if it could have possibly been good enough to break most any other team in MLS. But the Crew weathered the storm that was the first 20 minutes of MLS Cup, and by the 30th minute, were putting the first tally on the board, thanks to the tireless legs of Alejandro Moreno. Note, I didn't say they were "fast" legs, just tireless. The Red Bulls came out in the 2nd half and tied it up, yet the pixels on the Home Depot Center message board had barely flickered the change in score before it had to be reset again, as Chad Marshall literally ran into a Schelotto corner missle, and redirected it over (or possibly through) a helpless Danny Cepero. Ironic that the Defender of the Year ended up scoring the final game- winner of the year for the Crew, what with all the kerfuffle over such stars like Schelotto, Moreno, and Rogers. And in case anyone was left in doubt about who was truly the class side, Guillermo Barros Schelotto gave everyone witness to the magic act he has been performing at Crew Stadium all season. His deft chip/flip/lob shot found Frankie Hejduk alone with the suddenly over-matched Cepero, and the MLS veteran gave no reason to doubt his ability to finish, nor that the Red Bulls would be going home with anything other than nice parting gifts.

The memory of Frankie's Tally will live in infamy for New York fans, but will be celebrated by the Nordecke and Crew fans around the country for decades. It was a fitting description of the year that was for the Columbus Crew - a small chance that turned into something magic. This is your Columbus Crew, Champions of Major League Soccer. In every sense of the word, this season was perfect.

Photo of the Year (until next weekend...)

2008-11-15T15:17:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Columbus Crew have given you the coach of the year, and may just have the player of the year, goal of the year, and team of the year. But they can also add that they were participants in the photo of the year, courtesy of Jay LaPrete/AP:

McBridesmaid had a milkshake. Chad Marshall grabbed his straw. Busch could only watch.

Morning Afterthoughts: Better than Ever.

2008-11-14T03:19:00.001-08:00

The Nordecke has never been bigger, and the Crew have never been better. Coincidence?

(phot0s courtesy Sam Fahmi)

You know, some of us just are not right in the head. Some of us wear the same clothes to every match because it's good luck. Some of us plan our social and work calendar around an MLS schedule. Some of us spend half our paychecks following this team. And after the Crew's first ever advancement to MLS Cup last night, some of uswere shedding tears of joy.

For those of you who may find the thought of a grown man crying over a soccer game, allow me to give you a proper introduction to the psychology. Do you recall your frame of mind after watching Brian McBride score in the 29th minute? Did the sick feeling creep into your stomach when McBride, of all pople, scored what could have been the dagger in an otherwise magical season? If so, you've felt on some level what it has been like to be a Crew fan these past 13 seasons. Because there is no team in MLS that has had as many great seasons go down the tubes because of a missed opportunity in a crucial game, often in ways that cause sane heads to be scratched. For brevity's sake, I won't recap them here, but as any longstanding Crew fans know, the Crew just don't win games like last night. In fact, for many of us, the last 30 minutes of the game were the longest 30 minutes of recorded human history. But they led to one of the greatest nights in Columbus history. And one of it's best parties.

I don't always record a Man of the Match, but today, I and thousands of other Massive Bananas owe a debt of gratitude to the man who made it happen last night:

CHAD MARSHALL

Even many of us were bemoaning the lack of fouls being called by referee Terry Vaughn, it became clear that Chad Marshall would have a very good night. Marshall is one of the most tactical defenders in MLS, and rarely gets whistled for fouls. Still, the penultimate matchup in last night's game was bound to be between Marshall and McBride, two players who are strong in the air. And if Marshall was going to win that battle, he was going to need to be physical.

To say he abused McBride is putting it nicely. Certainly McBride got a cheap goal on a broken play created by a heads-up quick throw in by Blanco; Hesmer and Danny O'Rourke didn't help matters by assuming the other would get to the ball as the aerial McBride did what he does best. But outside of that play, McBride was hardly a danger to the Crew, thanks to Marshall's hounding And how many times in the 2nd half did we see the familar sight of a ball going toward the Crew defense, only to be gobbled by Marshall or another Crew defender, and turned right back up the field for a counter attack? The credit for weathering that storm has to go to the outstanding defense played last night by everyone, but especially Marshall.

And, do I need to remind you who brought us all back from the pit of despair with his header? Watching Marshall's goal again in HD slow motion is a thing of beauty, and the way he used his entire body to fight off his defender in the air while letting his head do all the work was damn near poetic. In all honesty, it puts one in the mind of a former Crew player by the name of McBride, who happened to be the one Marshall burned on the play.

Speaking of McBride, it is now 5 times in an Eastern Conference Final without a trip to MLS Cup. Here's hoping that his wife who convinced him to play in Chicago instead of where he belonged gets a nice bit of silent treatment for the next few weeks from McBridesmaid, the MLS all-time league leader in playoff futility*.

But the best thing about last night's win? It showed a lot of us that the Crew can do it. The city was a buzz about the Crew, and you get the sense that in some pockets of Columbus, while the interest was legit, it was salted with the doubt of previous failures. Sure many were interested, but the thinking might have been to wonder if last night would turn out like it had all the other times. To any of you who doubted (including myself, even if just a little) I am happy to report that this is not the same old Crew. To quote the oft thrown about phrase on Big Soccer, "We're as surpirsed as you are." And as any one knows, the best parties are the surprise parties. Here's your invitation.

Other Notes:

- Could the atmosphere have gotten any better last night? It didn't matter that the stands were not completely filled. The crowd who was there, soccer moms included, were the noisiest S.O.B's I've ever been around. I hope Donny Garber took note of what a real fan section looks and sounds like. Lord knows the man has "ears to hear..."

- I was hugged/kissed/groped by no fewer than 50 people after last nights win, all of whom were as shocked as I was that the Crew had just advanced to MLS Cup. And again, it's not that we're shocked that this group of guys made it there; as we've seen all year, they're a hell of a good team. But it has always seemed Columbus was cursed when it comes to winning this type of game, and last night, all of us doubters finally could put those fears to bed. It was like an Amish person being taken to Vegas in a Cadillac Escalade; we didn't know how to act, so we just stood there, with mouths wide open, staring into the vacant distance.

- There was a ton of good signage last night, and I hope we see more of the trend next season. The "Wanted. McBride. Desertion." banner was gorgeous, as were all the others. I particularly liked the banner about keeping Columbus clean, and taking out the garbage (if you missed it, Blanco called the Fire fans garbage earlier this year after a game.) We need more of that stuff, people!

- In my ongoing war with my buddy over who is better, Gaven or Evans, I received ultimate vindication last night when Eddie scored the winner. It was also just as sweet to see the man who has had so many dark days behind him at Crew Stadium get a standing ovation as he left the pitch last night. He is a runner up for me on the Man of the Match. Also, 30 seconds before he scored the goal, my brother was telling me, "We really need to take Gaven out." This comes after early in last week's game, my brother said a full-on prayer asking Jesus to allow us to score a goal soon. As soon as the words "Amen" were out of his mouth, Carroll-to-Evans-past-Hartman happened. I think both of those should count as second assists for him.

- In the tent after the game last night, there was some New England Revolution fan crowing about going to L.A. Did anyone else see this, or was I drunk?

- Since I can't leave well enough alone, I'll ask: Can the Dispatch please give us a season recap/MLS Cup preview with s special pullout section next weekend? Would that be too much to ask? They've done a fantastic job covering the Crew, but I just want a little more, please. Thanks.

In other media related news, kudos go out to 1460 The Fan, who I have often besmirched for not talking about the Crew, for finally talking about the Crew yesterday. I'll be interested in what they are saying today, as I believe some of the hosts went to the game. Also, I heard Mark the Shark on 103.9 Talk FM was giving the Crew some love, but can neither confirm nor deny this. If so, fantastic.

- In case you need some help on the travel sites, Columbus's airport abbreviation is "CMH", and Los Angeles' airport is "LAX". If you want to fly over to Chicago just to rub anything in their faces, the airport there is "SUX".

- To all the Fire fans at the game last night: It's great you brought so many flags, really. No, that was a lot of fun. Hopefully, they helped wipe away all your tears on the ride home last night. Blues Brothers indeed.

- For a final thought on this one, I'll simply let the Man of the Match, Mr. Chad Marshall, tell us what he told Craig Mertz of mlsnet.com:

"I was the happiest I've ever been. I just told somebody that," he said. "I just started running. I don't know why. It was awesome. It's been fun for me."

I don't think anyone could have said it better.

(*fact courtesy of my burgeoning contempt for McBride not playing for the Black and Gold, and not based on any actual facts.)

Never a McBride.

2008-11-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I hid all the eye bleach...

Diehard fans of the Columbus Crew have a lot of nicknames for former number one man and current enemy number one, Brian McBride. To name a few -

- McHead
- BMB
- Bake
- McJudas

That last one comes courtesy of Mr. McBride's decision to spurn Columbus (that fair city on a hill), for Chicago, not only a city of mobsters, corrupt politicos, and 97 mile traffic backups, but also the home of one of the Columbus Crew's arch enemies, the Chicago Fire.

Uggh...hang on...

(MPBGHRRRRRPH!)

Sorry. Just typing those two words together in a non-historical context makes me throw up in my mouth. I don't recall eating any fish today. Curious. Anyway...

So if you've not been sufficiently caught up, McJudas came back from England, ignored Columbus' phone calls (or as his agent says, his cell phone was broken. Ooops. I'm sure it would have been working if Larissa F.C. was calling), and signed with the bad guys. The very same bad guys who come to Columbus for the Eastern Conference Finals tonight. To be sure, McBride has a high probability to gain a few nicknames from the fans during the game, based on the way he plays. Whichever way the game goes though, I can guarantee I can't print most of the things he will be called tonight.

However, if McBride and the Fire become a part of the trend that is the Crew defeating opponents at home in 2008, it will mark the fifth time in McBride's storied career that he has gotten to the doorstep of MLS Cup, knocked on the door, and been told, "Hey, sorry buddy, we're all full tonight. Try back later..."

Some will quickly point out that on all four previous occasions, McBride was a Columbus Crew cat, and did all he could to get the Crew over the hump. In fact, some will argue since McBride went on to England and had a successful stint at Fulham (or F.C. U.S.A.), it's highly probable that the Crew teams lost in spite of McBride, not because of him. All of these points are valid, fair, and well-reasoned. But there is one glaring fact that cannot be ignored if the Fire loses: a trend will have emerged. Brian McBride, during a period of time that has extended over 12 seasons and 5 professional teams, will have yet to play in a league championship game.

Maybe instead of McBride, we should call him "McBridesmaid."

I know, I know, chickens have not hatched, horses don't go in front of carts, and the "Jump" to Conclusions Mat (TM) should never be brought out before the fat lady starts warming up. Still, there's a good chance that the common thread of all the Crew losses in the Eastern Conference Finals can be traced back to one guy. And that guy, for right or wrong, isn't going to be on the field tonight for the Crew.

In all honesty, would you want him?

Look, I will be the first in line to welcome McBridesmaid back once he takes off the Best Buy jersey, and goes into the hall wearing a Columbus Crew Adidas Skully. But he's not right for this team. He would clog up the middle for Guillermo, a guy who knows a thing about championships. He would get in the way of Alejandro Moreno, one of the best holding forwards playing on U.S. soil (plus, coaches would have a hard time telling them both to stop trying to "outwork" each other). The Crew is finally playing the ball on the ground; Bake does his best work in the air. The Crew has a group of guys who know that no one person is any more important than the rest of the team. Sure, BMB knows that better than anyone, but would guys like Brad Evans and Robbie Rogers have been intimidated about playing in the shadow of the MLS poster child and EPL veteran? Maybe. Would the Crew be better off with McBride back in the fold? If the chemistry the team has is any indication, probably not. He's not a bad guy; he's just not one of the guys who everyone doubted.

But ladies and gentleman, tonight, Brian McBride IS walking through that door. Only he's walking in with the enemy. The Crew are looking at a chance to rid themselves of 12 seasons of failed aspirations by making this 13th season the one to remember. And they can do it against the guy we'd all rather just forget.

Piss on the Fire, and let’s go Crew.

(And if the Crew prevails, I will be making "McBridesmaid" t-shirts for everyone.)

Morning Afterthoughts:1 down, 3 to go

2008-10-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

Last night on the field, D.C. showed us all that while they may have been a let down on the field, some of their players proved they would reign supreme over the Crew players in the blogosphere. I mean, in just one 90-minute span, D.C. posted three times, while the Crew only posted once.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....HAHAHAHAHA.....HAHAHA....HEHE....*tear*....hehe....*ahem*...Ah, that felt good.

But in all seriousness, how bad must it suck to be a D.C. fan? Before the game, you have to hand over the Supporter's Shield, reaffirming that your season didn't go the way you'd hoped; during the game, your team, which had to win to get into the playoffs, butchers every chance they have, including a trifecta of posters; Brad Evans, who gets in done down on the farm, scores what one MLS coach (okay, it was his own) calls the goal of the year; Brian Carrol, who you gave away for nothing, rubs all his nastiness in your face before hoisting the same Supporter's Shield he helped you win last year.

And to top it off, after the game, you have to drive back to Fallujah, errr, Washington D.C. But hey, on the brightside, at least you didn't make like Toronto fans and parade through the streets before getting bounced from the playoffs.

Crew fans, on the other hand, found yet another thing to celebrate last night. For the first time in Nordecke history, someone named Clark Hunt not only witnessed our Massive section, but he actually compared it to a World Cup atmosphere. From Fighting Canary Orinthologist and Massive Dispatch Columnist Michael Arace's superlative column:

Clark Hunt: "At one point during the game, my brother and I were standing on the stage there and we both said the same thing: 'Boy, this is just like being at a World Cup game.' Now, it's not quite as big, but it had that same feel."

By the way, Clarkie fails to mention that right after that, both of their eyes glazed over and turned into dollar signs at the thought that the Crew could fill that stadium every week with a team this good.

Shawn Mitchell also did a bang-up job, getting the Hunt heir on record about how he feels about moving the Black and Gold:

"We think Columbus can continue to be one of the cornerstone franchises in this league. The best way to state it directly is to say that I'm confident the Columbus Crew will be playing in Columbus, Ohio, for at least the next 50 years."

That's refreshing to hear. Now, this doesn't mean I believe I'll be 76 before I hear another peep about the Crew ever packing up and leaving town, but at least we have a the Hunt who runs the show saying he's cool with Columbus. To put it another way, you could say he's "For the 6-1-4." Or that's he'd "Go Gay for the Short North" (hey, who wouldn't!?) The point here is that next season, if some idiot Toronto fan gets pippy about the Crew moving, we can point to the guy in charge of calling the movers, and remind them he's "all 'bout Bexley", or "Lusty for Linden-McKinley" (again, who isn't?!), or whichever clever voter-registering slogan you prefer.

But last night was about more than showcasing everyone's love for our Massive Banana. It was about uniting the old with the new. The Crew dropped one of it's staunchest playoff foes, making like Parkside for many Black and Gold faithful who had drunken the haterade over the last few years, believing there was no reason to come back to the first SSS in U.S. history (by the way, the healing begins the minute you call 447-CREW. Ask for Avin.) But at the same time the Crew were winning back their old fans with a D.C. smackdown, they were creating an army of new fans. When I got into work today, I had emails from multiple friends who finally made it out to their first game. They loved the goal, loved the Nordecke, and all wanted to know one thing: Has this been going on all year?

Yes, my friends, it has. And it's going to keep happening. As the Nordecke reminded it's celebrating denizens last night, "We're Not Done Yet." And that's fer DAMN sure...

OTHER NOTES:

- The guy who dressed up in the Massive Banana costume yesterday deserves a prize, or at the very least, a Crewzer. Maybe when New England comes to town (if they make it that far), we should throw him at Kheli Dube. What?

- Shoutouts need to go to Thoma Gol from the Big Soccer boards, who makes all those great banners like the "Semper Columbus" and "In It to Win It" beauties. The same laudings should be doled out to the little kid who faithfully tapes up his MLS Cup banner every week. What is he, like, eight? And yet, he's running laps around 99% of the Nordecke (Thoma excepted) when it comes to artistic ability and guts. Someone should buy him a beer. In 13 years.

- For the first time all year, I noticed the "Brad Evans, Down on the Farm" banner, which is almost directly behind the Crew bench. Someone in our section asked, "Is that new, or has it always been there?" I responded that it is indeed not new, but is from last year. I know this only because last year, I remember looking at that banner and asking "Who the hell is Brad Evans?" My, the differene a year makes.

Also, this last paragraph cost me my quotation allowance for the week. Let's see how we do for the rest of the column.

- I take great pride in the fact that when Dante Washington walks by, I don't ask who he is, or why he gets to go to the front of the Nordecke. I just smile and nod.

- Does anyone else think Patrick Crayton (the D.C. 'keeper) is kind of funny looking? I almost felt bad for him. He had Jeff Cunningham's head on Zach Thornton's body. Also, there was some high comedy when he completely fell over in agony after Male Nurse Khumalo clanged that sitter off the crossbar. People around me were asking what happened to him. His reaction looked like something Zapruder would have been filming.

- Jehrico, Blake, and myself, having exquisite taste in music, television, and all things awesome, have decided to become the official chant-writing machine of the Nordecke and Crew Supporters. We're filling this void, because without us, you might be stuck chanting how much you love "sweet Molly Malloo". God help us. Last night we came up with some strokes of genius, namely a new Gino Padula chant. It is to the tune of the "I Dream of Genie" theme song. For those of you who never experienced "Nick at Nite" growing up, it was a show about a hot genie who lived in 60's suburbia, and got away with way more exposed flesh on T.V. than one would have expected for a "family show."

Anyway, the song goes like this:

Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino Padula
BAP...BA-DABA DA BAP!

Gi-no, Gino Padula
Gi-no, Gino...(you get the idea.)

Also, Jehrico was the one who came up with the ever poignant alt-country crooner:

You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!
You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!
You can stick your can of Red Bull,
You can stick your can of Red Bull,
You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass!

It never caught on, but if by some stroke of luck, the Energy Drinks make it to L.A., we must use it.

- Kudos go out to whoever came up with the "Frankie's Friends 2008" badges, and then passed them out for free. Unless they weren't free, in which case I DEFINITELY paid for mine.

- If the Crew don't get at least a 4-page special section previewing the playoffs, along with a season retrospective, in Friday's Dispatch, I will not be happy. Further, if 1460 the Fan doesn't mention the Crew this week, with the Buckeyes having a bye week, and the Blue Jackets dropping more points than the Nasdaq (awe snap!), I will personally kidnap Chris Spielman and torture him by making him watch the World Series, U of M highlights, and PBS. Or if I wanted him to really suffer, I could just show him a replay of the Penn State and USC games.

In stark contrast to the lack of coverage on 1460, 610 AM has a football show on Sunday Mornings. This week one of the commentators made the joke that the Crew are scoring more often than the Buckeyes. Laugh all you want, but it's really becoming true.

- Yes, I paid $25 for a Supporter's Shield t-shirt. And no, I'm not washing it until we give up the Shield. And yes, I'll be wearing it Saturday, along with my lucky Crew Banana Hammock.

- Just think, as chilly as it was yesterday, this time next year, we could be playing a home game or two in weather much colder that 60 degrees. Champions League Fever (TM)! Catch it, then take an antibiotic.

- Okay, I'll just say it. I think the Supporter's Shield looks like the Pontiac logo. Possible sponsorship tie-in? The irony here is that with an infusion of cash that a sponsorship would bring, we could afford to have a trophy that doesn't look like, well, the Pontiac logo.

- If you want to have fun, go watch the replay of the game posted on MLS Net, and listen to the D.C. broadcasters, mainly play-by-play guy Dave Johnson. Grab your favorite beverage, and have a drinking game revolving around how many times he says "Oh My..." If your drink is anything stronger than Natty Light, you'll be dead of alcohol poisoning by minute 17.

Finally, let's all just relax and enjoy this thing before Saturday, because once that whistle blows, it will be a white-knuckle ride to the finish.

Morning Afterthoughts: Crew Clinch the Supporter's Shield

2008-10-12T20:01:00.001-07:00

The Crew facepalmed the rest of the league on Sunday.

Many times, the best moments in life are the ones that tie together just enough pieces of life to make the event special. The Kodak moment, with sun hitting on your face just at the precise moment that the wind picks up ever so slighty, is often hard to come by, and even harder to script. It's for that reason that the movie industry makes so much money; everyone wants to see the storybook ending, but not everyone gets one.

It's not often that life works out to be poetic. But Sunday afternoon and evening was one of those days for Crew fans. With the exception that the Crew did not defeat arch-rivals Chicago, more than 200 Crew fans witnessed a picture-perfect scene as the Crew drew 2-2 with the Fire to gain one point more than anyone else in Major League Soccer can this year. It is the first time since 2004 that the Crew have gained possession of the honor. The Crew also become the 3rd team in league history to hoist the trophy more than once, joining the L.A. Galaxy as the other two time winner. D.C. United has won it four times.

Even better than that, the Crew are the first multi-time winner of the Supporter's Shield to not have a city name that is commonly abbreviated (unless you listen to Jim Rome).

The Supporter's Shield was won by the Crew's dogged determination, and Guillermo Barros Schelotto's goal proved to be the point-getter the Crew needed to lock up their second piece of hardware this season. Besides the facts that the league's best supporters showed up en masse to see the team clinch the Supporter's Shield, and that the league's probable MVP scored the goal that sewed it up for the Crew, consider these other coincidences that make for interesting thought:

* The Crew beat the current team of Brian McBride, who got to see up close and personal what he's missing by not playing for his old team.

* The only player who could seem to beat the Crew defense today is the guy who leads the team all-time in goals scrored.

* With the Crew's tie, they needed the Houston Dynamo to tie or lose to clinch. The team that helped the Crew to that end? None other than one team more responsible than any other in the league for causing the Crew undue misery over the years: D.C. United.

* The keeper who was bested by the Crew today? Former Crew keeper John Busch.

* The Crew clinched just hours before Columbus Day.

The team played admirably, although at times, it seemed as if they were conserving energy. Both goals conceded to Chicago were soft, but seeing as how Chicago blew some well earned chances, the game probably saw a fair result in the end. Still, both Columbus goals were class, and it looks as though whenever the Crew have their heads in the game, they will not be beaten.

The Supporter's Shield is officially handed over at the Supporter's Summit at MLS Cup every year, but in the spirit of Kodak moments, that game just happens to be against the team that currently holds the trophy, D.C. United. Seeing as how they've already done us one favor, I don't suppose it's too much to ask for them to drop it off early. After all, it's not like they're using it...

Other Notes:

- Me and my brother and my brother's wife all decided to check out the official away game headquarters of the Crew, Brewskie's Sports Bar on Kenny Road. Unfortunately, we picked the one week of the year that the game was on Telefutura, a channel the bar didn't have. Although the game was also carried locally on ONN, the bar did not have that channel either, as it is only available as part of Time Warner's digital package, which the bar did not have. So where did we have to go to watch the game?

Buffalo Wild Wings on Bethel, the former home of the Crew away game viewing parties until the location switched to Brewskie's this season. Yep, seems as though no matter how much things change, they still remain the same. Lesson, as always? Go to Ruby Tuesday's on Summit and 19th for the game.

- Frankie Hejduk gets some international acclaim from this piece in London's Daily Telegraph. The article doesn't seem to think that being an everyman who gets down with his most fervent fans is such a good thing. Then again, maybe the Brits could use a guy like Frankie to qualify for an international qualifier or two...

- Kudos are due and given to Big Soccer and Ruby Tuesdays-frequenter Chris Deville, who aside from being an alright dude, also works for the Columbus Alive newspaper. His employer is pretty high on the Crew this week including stories here, here, here, and...(whew)...here. Also, the print editions of the paper have one Robbie Rogers in full-speed attack on the cover, along with the catchphrase "Massive" in bold. These papers are free, and readily available around Columbus. I grabbed 20 copies...

- Finally, congrats to the Blue Jackets, who won their first game of the season 5-4 on a Rick Nash overtime-winner. Yes, they lost the following night against the Phoenix Coyotes, but the Jackets have a very solid team this year. Should be fun to watch, kinda like the Crew.

The Nordecke Comes Alive!

2008-10-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

With all due respect to Peter Frampton(however little that is), this is much cooler:

Kudos to anyone and everyone over at Alive who clearly gets it. Nice to see the print news doing better photo journalism than any of the television news in town.

Morning Afterthoughts: Beckham? Damn near killed him.

2008-10-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

The mighty terrible Galaxy roared into Columbus last night, the only city that one David Beckham had not yet visited in MLS. Fitting that the man who wants to make soccer popular in the US saves his last visit for the stadium that is one of the reasons MLS was still here for him to join in 2007. And in his final debut, Beckham was rendered more anemic than his wife's appetite.

My choice for man of the match? It has to go to the four guys in the back. From Andy Iro's crazy mohawk to Chad Marshall tomahawking down any and every futile long ball sent up by the Galaxy; from Gino Padula locking down Becks to Danny O'Rourke staying remarkably solid (and creating the only goal of the night); the Galacticos ended up being engulfed by the black hole that is Crew Stadium, and specifically, the Crew's back line.

(Brian Carrol deserves a mention here, too, as he kept any attack from starting in the middle of the park.)

Yeah, Guille looked a little rusty, and Robbie Rogers should have finished more than one chance. But this is one of those games we keep talking about, the games that last year would have been lost. But this season, in front of 22,685, the Crew continued to do what they do: Win. And because of the great play of the defense, 1 goal was all the Crew needed to do just that.

Other notes:

- Rumors persist that Frankie Hejduk was at the Crew Union Tailgate before the game. While I can neither confirm or deny these sources, I can confirm that I was not at the Crew Union Tailgate. Dammit. However, I can confirm that Frankie Hejduk came down into the Nordecke last night after the game and hung out with all the cool kids. David Beckham? Nowhere to be found.

Let this be a lesson for all the little ones out there who were clad in Beckham gear and not Black and Gold last night: David Beckham clearly hates you, doesn't eat his vegetables, and is a terrible role model for you. Frankie Hejduk loves you, eats his vegetables, and is a man you should pattern your life after. Oh, and he could kick David Beckham's ass. Tell your friends.

Oh, and I was lying about the "cannot confirm" stuff at the tailgate:

- Even with OSU's comeback win over Wisconsin last night, the Crew did get some love from a couple of the local news channels. Granted, they both led with the Buckeyes, and the talk about the Crew game started with shots of David Beckham. Still, here is a brief summary of the news coverage of the Crew last night, ranked in order of best to worst:

1. NBC 4 - After some expected coverage of the OSU game (2-3 minutes of the sportscast), the Crew got just as much time, and there were interviews with Ale Moreno and Robbie Rogers, including Moreno's gem, "Themy may have come to see Beckham, but they saw us get three points instead." Classic.

Then, Omar Ruiz introduced a 2-minute long package that focused just on the Nordecke, giving props to all three sections, including a Frankie Hejduk shot in the section, partying with the the best supporters in MLS. Omar Ruiz chant next week, anyone?

2. 10TV HD - After 4 segments of "Wall-to-Wall Sports", Dom Tiberi and Dan Fronzack did mention the Crew game, and showed a couple of highlights. They also said the Crew were close to locking up homefield advantage in the playoffs. Not bad, but cleary disporportionate to the Buckeyes coverage. No mention of the Shield.

3. Newcenter (Channel 6) - When I turned off my TV, after watching both of the other news stations, Newscenter still had Anthony Rothman and Dimetrius Stanley doing Buckeye Football Fever. I don't even think they'd started the news yet

- Did anyone else get just the tiniest bit freaked out when Brian Carrol went down in a heap? For me, it was a good reminder of how valuable BC is to this team. I'd really like to see the Crew lock up the shield next weekend, so we can start focusing on keeping everyone healthy for the playoffs.

- Nice job by the guy controlling the Crew fireworks last night. After Robbie Rogers hit the side netting in the first half, fireworks were launched prematurely into the air, spoiling the pleasant surprise we would have had if they had gone off at the appropriate time. That's what she said.

Finally, with the Crew's win and New England and Chicago's ties, Columbus has homefield advantage through the playoffs. And with a win in Chicago, on Columbus Day, The Massive Canary Bananas would lock up the Supporter's Shield.

You going?

Smitty's Silly Match Preview: Los Angeles Galaxy

2008-10-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

Celebrities are made every day on the internet, whether it be by doing a spot-on impersonation of Sarah Palin, or by playing Dragon Force on Guitar Hero 3 while blindfolded, or by taking a picture a day of yourself for a year. Face it, when we hear the word celebrity, starlets like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie take away from the true meaning of the word. A real celebrity is someone who can hold an audience of thousands in utter awe, someone who causes grown men and women alike to stare when they walk in a room, someone whose face on a billboard can sell a bag of crap with rusty nails poking out of it. A real celebrity can travel to multiple countries, and get a table whenever he wants it, wherever he wants it.

With all these fake celebrities running around, it'll be refreshing to finally see a REAL celebrity on the field Saturday night in Crew Stadium:

Wait...who did you think I was talking about?

GAME 27 - LOS ANGELES GALAXY

What You Need To Know: Bruce Arena says that soccer in the midwest is a "circus", which many people though was a slam on Middle America. In reality, he was just trying to say that Cuahetemoc Blanco is a grade-A clown.

New Additions: Eddie Lewis was brought in so some of the lesser-paid players could use his AARP discount at the local Dennys.

Chances Of Making The Playoffs:About as real as Posh Spice's Sweater Puppies (TM).

Topical Insult Of The Week: "Hay all you Galaxy fans! Maybe the government will send you a rescue package to save your season!"

Or, if you're less sensitive:

"Even though they found Steve Fossett's remains, rescuers are saying there is no hope of finding Alexi Lalas's resume anywhere for the next 12 months."

What, too soon?

Crew Notes:

- Coach Sigi Schmid and Captain Frankie Hejduk will not be able to stalk the sidelines and lead the team into victory, after getting thrown out of last week's match. Look for Sigi to be hanging out at the concession stands. As for Frankie? He'll be putting new meaning into the phrase "going on a beer run..."

- New song this week for the Nordeck (to the tune of "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls)-

If you wanna make the playoffs
You've gotta play some D
Landon cannot win it
If you lose 4-3

If you wanna make the playoffs
It's not a likely dream
But you can always root for
A F***ing Massive Team!

Match preview here.

Prediction: Gino Padula makes mincemeat of David Beckham (best matchup of the year, for me), Andy Iro and Chad Marshall punish Lando Cal Prissycakes, and California Boys Robbie Rogers and Chad Marshall make Bruce Arena wish there was a fence around Cali, as they score in the Crew's 3-0 walk.

What Happens in Columbus, Stays in Columbus?

2008-10-01T20:07:00.000-07:00

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In case you missed it, all the Crews in Crewville are talking about this article from the Sports Business Journal, which basically says a portion of the Crew is being sold by Hunt Sports Group. Here's what we know:

- Big Soccer lit up like a Christmas tree when the news first hit.

- Crew GM Mark McCullers posted on the Crew's official blog, the Black and Gold Standard. He states the team is not moving.

- John Warner, President of HSG, flew in to Columbus to talk with the team, and speak with Shawn Mitchell in yesterday's Dispatch. Warner states repeatedly the team is NOT moving. He cannot point to any one reason why, nor provide any assurances when asked to do so.

- The guy who is in charge of the group that wants to purchase a portion of the Crew is named Mark Noorzai. Noorzai is also linked with a group looking to bring the MLS to Las Vegas, along with a proposed $500 million-dollar stadium/casino complex.

- A group called "The Team: Sports, Entertainment, Media" is supposedly a Columbus- based group who are helping broker a deal for the Noorzai group. This group was not mentioned by Mr. Warner yesterday, and only came to light in the last 24 hours.

- Paul Caliguri, of Pert Plus and lawsuits against MLS fame, is one of the spokesmen for the Noorzai group, though which group he is speaking for has not been determined. He also is the one who may have let the cat out of the bag a little early in this case.

- Big Daddy Don Garber, Commish of MLS, has said he won't comment because the Crew moving or staying "is not a league issue." Garber comes through for us again!

- Michael Arace penned a whole heap of awesome in this article today.

My take? The Crew need local ownership, and no matter if the Hunts nix this deal, or it goes through, that won't change. We need to start a grassroots campaign to find some people here in Columbus that can take an interest in the team and put down the roots to show MLS we're not going anywhere. Let's draft Brad Friedel, Dante Washington, Eric Clapton, and Bobby Rahal to get an ownership group off the ground that can keep the Crew in Columbus.

Morning Afterthoughts: The Logic of Frankie

2008-09-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

Posted by: Smitty

Before a soaked crowd of 15,000+ in rain-drenched Gillette Stadium, the Columbus Crew beat the New England Revolution 1-0, taking all six possible points from the Boston boys in the month of September. Along with those points, the Crew left Massachusets with a few other things in their possesion:

- The inside track on homefield advantage in the playoffs
- Ditto on the Supporter's Shield
- A lock of Shalrie Joesph's hair
- About 12 gallons of water from Hurrican Kyle, once all the uniforms were wrung out
- Another clean sheet by William Hesmer and the defense
- One more ticket sold for the L.A. Galaxy game

That last bit comes courtesy of Franklin Hejduk. He made a play that all of Crew Nation enjoyed for a split second before realizing its consequences. After getting stoned on a rifle shot, which was collected by Matt Reis, Hejduk ran up behind Reis and tried to kick the ball out of his hands. Immediately, the appropriate colored card emerged form the ref's hip pocket, and since it was the second Banana-colored card for Hejduk in the game, he was sent to the showers. At the time, this meant the Crew had to hold a tenuous, 1-goal lead for the bulk of 30 minutes to gain the full 3 points. It didn't look good, and many were wondering what Frankie was thinking.

Then the Crew went out, played as well as any 10 men can given the circumstances, and got the 3 points. A more cautious (and obviously, less intelligent) fan would say that it was still a poor judgment by our team captian, but fortunately it all worked out.

Rubbish. Frankie had a lapse in his judgement? Please. The man has been around the block, and knows exactly what he's doing when he's on the field. I'm not buying the "he lost his head" moment, not for a second. Instead, I believe Frankie was executing a perfect plan to set the stage for the most important two months of the Crew's history.

Number one, Frankie knows better than any of us what's going down on the field. Certainly, he felt the Crew were more than capable of handling the suddenly anemic Revolution without him. Further, he knew that the guys could get big heads if they whupped on the Revs agin by a score of 3 or 4 to 0. So, instead of keeping the team at full strength, he figured he would level up the playing field, and make the boys work hard for those last 30 minutes.

But that's only part of the reason Frankie took the 2nd yellow. He also did it to get a much-deserved break next week, against the woeful L.A. Galaxy. Knowing the game will have little bearing on the playoffs, Frankie obviously decided that,since the rest of Columbus hasn't seen fit to come out to Crew Stadium this season, when they finally show up for Beckham, he'll return the favor, and not be on the field. It may be a message very few if any of the soccer moms will get, but it's a message nonetheless, dammit.

Also, one has to believe that Frankie has come to enjoy his postgame sip of brew from the supporters, to the point that he decided it was about time he hung out with us for the whole game. And since his only two options were this game or the D.C. match, he could finally afford to take a much-needed staycation to Columbus Crew Stadium. Don't believe me? Witness Sigi Schmid, who, after 30 minutes of thinking about Frankie's idea, decided to order up a bleacher seat for himself this weekend as well, getting ejected near the end of the game for verbally assaulting the ref. Clearly, the Nordecke is becoming an alluring proposition for the organization's elite. Perhaps, Mr. McCullers won't even need the Preident's box next season...

But surely, the final and most obvious reason Frankie nearly took Reis's foot off on the restart had nothing to do with retaliation. It's all about the mental edge.

Let's be honest; everyone's initial reaction to Frankie's foul was something along the lines of "What the hell was that?!?". But that's just what Hejduk wanted. Everyone already knows Frankie is a bad ass. He'll cut you back, he'll tackle you with two feet, he'll run you down and make you say uncle. Oh, and now? He'll also take your goalie down from behind. What next? Maybe he'll slide tackle the official, headbutt your coach, or take down your over-priced forward, rip his head off, hollow out the deceased's skull, and use it as a spitoon. The sky is the limit, the opposition will think, because Frankie Hejduk is crazy.

Crazy like a fox, I say.

When Frankie take the field, keepers will be looking over their shoulder. When Frankie takes the field, women will hide their children, especially the ones clad in all-Beckham gear. When Frankie takes the field, any number of very bad things could happen next. You thought he wouldn't go there? Oh, he'll go there, girlfriend. And that's the point. For the rest of the season, Frankie has put the league on notice. They'll be looking for him to cause some kind of yet-to-be-seen havoc. And instead of havoc, Frankie will stroll up to forwards who are quivering in their boots, and take the ball off their feet. It will be stealing candy from a baby, or in the case of Taylor Twellman, an overpriced bitch.

Too bad they don't know, Gino Padula is the one you REALLY have to worry about. After all, it was Gino who brought the Crew's hardware from Toronto down to the lobby of the hotel to let the supporter's drink out of it.

THAT, my friends, is truly crazy. But Frankie? He's just massive, as always.

Columbus Clinches Playoff Spot*

2008-09-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

*I think...

Posted By: Smitty

In MLS this weekend, the Crew were able to sit and watch a lot of their fellow MLS brethren take the field, knowing full well that if just enough of them won, lost, or tied in the right combination, the Crew would be guaranteed a spot in the postseason. After seeing RSL lose to Chivas, Colorado tie New England, and Kansas City beat Toronto, I think we've got an answer. Now, while I haven't seen anything officially, by my math, there is no way the Crew can miss the playoffs. Of course, if the Crew win next weekend, none of this will matter. Here's what we've got:

First, going into last night's action, there were 3 teams that cannot catch our point total:

FC Dallas - 27 points; 45 possible
L.A. Galaxy - 29 points; 44 possible
Toronto F.C. - 27 points; 42 possible

The top 8 get into the playoffs, meaning we need to be mathematically better on points than 6 other teams can achieve. After last night's results, we have two more that can't catch us:

Real Salt Lake - 31 points; 46 possible
Colorado - 31 points; 46 possible

Still, it looks like we're not mathematically clear of that 6th team, because the next two could theoretically match or exceed us on points:

Chivas USA - 33 points; 48 possible
Kansas City - 32 points; 47 possible

(For a minute, let's forget that we SHOULD be clear of Kansas City, because if there were a tie, we would own the season series (2-0-1). After all, I did a hell of a lot of math to figure this out...)

We can say the Crew clinched a spot because next weekend, KC plays Chivas. Remember, both have to win out to achieve their possible points. One of them will not be able to win out. If there is a tie, neither of them can catch us. Since that match WILL happen, and since either a tie or win-loss scenario WILL happen, we can say without a doubt that the Crew WILL be in the playoffs this year.

I think...

But if they have made the playoffs, and it looks like they have, The Crew have achieved the goal that Sigi Schmid set before them at the start of the season. It's hard not to get greedy with a team that is this good, but for those who are newer to Crew Nation, who might not have endured 2007, 2006, and 2005, please realize that for some of us, this is what we were asking for. A team with a shot come postseason time. And for the first time in a long time, we're the only team in MLS who knows we'll be there for sure.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

Morning Afterthoughts: Red Bull Gives You Wins

2008-09-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

Posted by Smitty

Walking out of Crew Stadium last night, after the Crew's 3-1 dismantling of the New York Red Bulls, I was struck by a thought. At no time tonight did I feel like we were going to lose this game. Not after shots clanked off the post; not after Angel's perfectly taken free kick. Even at 35 minutes in, before Frankie's chip, I remember laughing and making jokes with everyone around me. In fact, for some reason, Jehrico, Blake, my buddy Adam, and I all randomly started singing the entire opening theme to "Fresh Prince." I guess we got bored singing the same four cheers over and over again.

Point is, that type of non-chalant attitude by those four members of Crew Nation is unprecedented in a game where we're losing. Winning by 2 goals? Sure. But instead of worrying about if the Crew would claw back into it and get three points, I was trying to think of a theme song to sing that would top the Fresh Prince reference. In case you're wondering, I almost busted out the "Step by Step" opener, but I wasn't sure I had the whole thing down (and upon further examination, I was waaaaaaaaay off).

This year's Crew team has proven they have the ability to storm back after conceding the first goal, and there's not any one guy the team has to rely on to bring us back. Sure, when he's been in there, Guillermo has been the catalyst, and when he's healthy, he'll be the guy we all look to. But last night, "Super Frank" Frankie Hejduk stepped up with a goal of the week nominee (more on this later), as did Robbie Rogers. But in what has become the defining trait of this Crew team, they just keep coming at you. Even with a 2-1 lead and our defense once again playing lights out, the Crew kept pushing for a 3rd, 4th, 5th goal. It's almost like they have a pot of money on the training table and the last guy to score in the game gets the pot.

We didn't see that last year. In 2007, we got a lead, sat on it, and self destructed. But Sigi Schmid has these guys playing a brand of soccer which I hope becomes the standard of the Black and Gold for years to come. That style starts with efficiency in the back; few fouls in the defensive third, tidy cleanup of most messes, and neat and quick distribution to Brian Carrol, Frankie, or Gino Padula. Those guys press the ball into the offensive third, either by connecting with the wings, or making the run themselves. If that's not there, they find a way to get the ball quickly to the Columbus Distribution Company (Guillermo or Noonan), and they get the ball to dangerous feet in the offensive third. No matter how they do it though, the Crew bring the ball to your front door, and demand to be let in. That's why this year, Crew fans can breathe easy even with a 1-goal deficit. We know the boys won't let up.

Let's hope this style of soccer is here to stay.

Other Thoughts:

- Yesterday, on my way into the stadium, I thought I might give the local sports station (1460 "The Fan") a call to talk about the game. The producer of "The Big Show" with Bruce Hooley answered, and I told him I wanted to talk about the Crew game. He said that even though there were 45 minutes left in the "Big Show", they weren't going to have time to talk about the Crew.

I asked him why not, and he said it just wasn't in their schedule. I asked if they would ever talk about soccer on that show; he said, "Probably not..." I asked him if he could name one player on the Columbus Crew; "Nope, I don't follow soccer" came the reply. Bear in mind, this is the guy who was also reading the 20/20 sports updates, which should include news of sports, specifically those happening in Columbus. On three different report I heard yesterday, there was not a mention of the Crew game.

"So let me get this straight," I fumed. "You're the sports station in Columbus, but you won't talk about the Crew? Do you consider soccer a sport?" He replied he did, but that the audience wasn't interested (if that's what they think, I can't help them.) Then I asked him, if since they are an ESPN Radio affilate, and the game would be on ESPN2, couldn't they at least mention their network programming lineup for the evening? He said he would try.

So to summarize, 1460 the Fan won't talk about a Columbus sports team playing a game that night in Columbus, but they will talk about something their network affiliate is boradcasting all across the country. Reason? They think you and I aren't interested.

Let's prove 1460 "The Fan" wrong. Starting today, and going through next Friday, call the station and ask to talk about the Crew. In fairness, I was a little angry, so try not to act like I did. Be polite, be courteous, and don't try to sound elitist. But call and ask them to talk about the Crew, or volunteer to go on the air and talk about last night's game, or to break down next week's Massive tilt with New England.

1460 AM has local shows on during these two times, so these are the times to call:

Mon-Fri 12-2pm (Midday Show - Mike Riccordati and Scott Torgerson)
Mon-Fri 4-7pm (Big Show - Bruce Hooley, Chris Spielman, Kirke Herbstriet)

Studio line - 614-821-1460

Remember, don't use any four letter words, as they're on a delay, and no one will even know what you said. Plus it makes us all look bad. But do call them and ask the Columbus sports station to let you on the air to talk about a Columbus sports team.

- Some people are saying that Frankie Hejduk's goal was just a lucky cross that went the right way. Others are saying it was a deft chip. Juan Carlos Osorio, Red Bulls head man, said he wasn't sure, but thought it was lucky. The AP story I read after the game said it was a lucky cross. But Frankie himself dismisses that saying he meant to do it. If you re-watch the match, you see Conway was in poor position, and Frankie made him pay for it.

If he meant to do it, and I personally belive he did, it should be a GOTW nominee. Same with Robbies goal. Two excellent strikes.

- Sure it's great to get three goals, but more impressive is how Chad Marshall and Danny O'Rourke shut down Juan Pablo Angel. His only chance was the free kick, which was well taken, but the call that set it up was bogus. In the run of play, Angel had nothing on either of these guys. Especially Marshall, who may need to make sure he is familiar with the process of applying for EU Work Permits here very soon. I mean, he's apparently not good enough for Bob Bradley and the USMNT to give him a call, but I'm sure this offseason, the Crew will field some requests from across the pond for his services.

So let's see, on this team we potentially have:

MVP - Guillermo Barros Schelotto
Defender of the Year - Chad Marhsall
Comeback Player of the Year - Chad Marshall
Coach of the Year - Sigi Schmid

Not bad.

- While I love the cheers we are doing, I'm always up for spicing it up with something new. Jehrico attempted to do this last night, with little success, by singing "You can stick your can of Red Bull up your ass" to the tune of "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain..." Sadly, it didn't catch on. We also tried to start "Who the hell wears a headband" to the Seven Nation Army tune. Look for these hits and more on our upcoming CD, "Hudson Street Hooligans Love Their Country."

- We walked over to see J.P. Dellacamera and John Harkes after the game. Both were very friendly, and both stated how impressed they were with the team and the Nordecke. Harkes made three references that I caught during the game broadcast to the Hudson Street Hooligans. After the game, he talked more about the Nordecke than about the actual game, though he did say, even without Guillermo, the Crew would be a team that could win MLS Cup. High praise from the best U.S. soccer analyst out there.

- Not To be Debbie Downer here, but the only bad part about last night was that the Crew looked so dominating even without Guillermo Barros Schelotto. While we all know Guille is the best we may ever see in Black and Gold, the two games he's missed show that the Crew can keep ticking even without him, albeit, against poor competition. Hopefully, this doesn't factor in when pundits look at who should get the nod for MVP. Regardless of hwo the Crew are playing now, there is little doubt that Guillermo was one of the factors in changing the attitude of this club. We went from feeling like we would find a way to lose, to knowing we'll find a way to win. That's the mentality of a champion, and Guillermo is one of the few guys on the team who has won a championship. I'd say he has to be somewhat responsible for that turnaround, along with Sigi, and all the other players.

- Speaking of the MVP, I stayed around last night and stood in line at the autograph tent. Sure, it might have made me look like I was 12, but Guillermo was there, in his suit and tie, and I got his autograph on my scarf. I also got sigs from Ekpo and Padula. If the Crew go on to MLS Cup, that scarf will be retired. And say what you will, but I'm seriously considering voting for Guillermo in 2008. Sure he can't win, but if you're asking me who I trust to lead this country? I'll gladly follow Guille before those other jokers.

Don't forget to watch the MLS games this weekend. If the right teams lose, a few more tie, and I stand on my head, the Crew will clinch a playoff spot. Might not be official this weekend, but with the win lastnight the Crew should be in to the playoffs. I know most die-hards will be holding our breath until we see that asterisk in the standings. Here's hoping we get it this weekend, so we can concentrate on the Shield, and then the Cup.

Smitty's Silly Match Preview: New York Red Bulls

2008-09-18T04:53:00.000-07:00

Columbus returns from the land of the Canucks, only to be welcomed to the temporary land of the utility trucks. Hurricane Ike, in Ohio? Can someone email George W. Bush and tell him the Haliburton Hurricane Machine is supposed to hit the Gulf Coast, and not the Midwest? Seriously dude, WTF?

Still, even a cautious outside observer would be compelled to tell the Crew's head coach, "You're doing a heckuva job, Sigi." Only in this case, he really is. But of late, the team compiled by Mr. Osorio in New York is faring pretty well, going 4-1-1 in it's last six. When two of the hottest teams in MLS collide with a high pressure system of being the game of the week on ESPN2, it's bound to be a storm of biblical proportions. Hope you've got power by then...

GAME 25 - NEW YORK RED BULLS

What You Need To Know: Before getting a last-minute sponsorship offer from Red Bull, New York almost inked a deal that would have made them "New York Crystal Light."

New Additions: Mac Kandji, a Senegalese forward New York snagged from Atlanta of USL 1, will not play this week against Columbus due to fear.

Well, that and a sprained ankle. But fear first.

Chances of making the playoffs:

The Crew? About as likely as John Wolyniec winning a Taylor Hicks look-a-like contest.

New York? More like Wolyniec getting a gig endorsing Just for Men; it makes sense, just don't know if he'll be able to seal the deal.

Topical Insult of the Week: "Hey New York fans! Columbus is going to beat you like the housing crisis beat up Fannie Mae! Only, there won't be a federal reserve and quorum of Senators to save your ass!"

Crew Notes:

- Guillermo Barros Schelotto will be resting his ailing hamstrings for a second straight week, in preperation for New England on Sept. 27th. Apparently, they're a little worn from carrying around Guille's Massive Balls.

Match preview here.

Prediction: The Crew replicate their mad scoring dash of 2004, where they scored 4 goals on New York to win 4-2. This time, Gaven scores for the Crew (he played for New York back then), as do Moreno, Marshall, and Garey. Noonan and Rogers get 2 assists apiece.

Where You Go, We Follow

2008-09-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes fate is a cruel mistress. Many Columbus Crew fans can attest to that, as they saw trees uprooted, sheds destroyed, and 48+ hours of no electricity over the last few days. In fact, depending where you live, you might not be able to read this article until after the New York Red Bulls game. Or after the next Buckeyes game. Or, if you're in Westerville, possibly Christmas. 2010 Christmas, that is. Apparently, Hurricane Ike was not a fan of perfectly landscaped neighborhoods and good high school football. Too bad.

But there are other times where fate is a supermodel alone with you on a desert island, and she's gone into "Ah, what the hell, let's go for it!" mode.

Saturday in Toronto was one of those days.

In case you missed it, the Crew scrapped out a 1-1 Trillium Cup Winner over their ever-growing rivals, Toronto F.C. Pat Noonan was a beast, Robbie Rogers was a demon, and the pair of Danny O'Rourke and Chad Marshall made short work of any and all Toronto attacks. Sadly, the Crew only earned a point because plastic turf is not real grass, rain doesn't help fake grass get better, and Alejandro Moreno was juuuuuuust a little tired form all his international call-ups (at least, I hope that's all it was.)

But most of all, Saturday was a day that Columbus Crew Supporters proved once and for all the definition of Massive, as the Crew added what may be the first of many pieces of hardware to the 2008 trophy case.

Below is a desription of the tales that have become "Massive Toronto Road Trip: September '08". Names and dates were changed to protect the innocent (except any story involving Ryan...). Read at your own peril.

- Arriving at Crew Stadium early Saturday morning, many were bleary-eyed and tired. Fortunately, a camera crew was there to film all of us, as was Crew GM Mark McCullers. Give the man credit, he helped subsidize the trip, and got up at the crack of dawn to see us off. I like him more and more every day.

- Ryan and I were first to crack open a cold one. In case you're keeping score, it was the Champagne of Beers, which as everyone knows, is Miller High Life. Sadly, no one had the Motts Apple Juice of Beers (Strongbow) readily available.

- New York had a crap-ton of vineyards.

- Canada's border security policy #345: If the bus is full of white people in soccer gear, don't bother to check their passports. Welcome to Canada!

- We thought we were about two hours away from Toronto, as the sign said "Toronto - 120". with it already being 1pm, we were all frightened we'd miss the beginning of the game, which was at 3:30, if we hit any traffic. It took 10 minutes before we realized the sign was in kilometers, which takes roughly 34 minutes to traverse.

- At some point, after some drinking had occurred, it was decided that we should try to act like the stereotypical dumb American many Canadians think of when they look at the lower 48. This led me to say, in a thick Tennessee accent, that I would argue with a Toronto concession stand worker about the fact that the grass in BMO looked too real to be fake. Eventually, I stated, I would get so far into the argument that I would say, "I want to fight you. Physically. With my fists." Sadly, after that, no one would allow me anywhere near the concession stands...

- After more drinking occurred, we all determined that the team should let us take the Trillium Cup (if we won it) back on the bus with the supporters, or at the very least, let us drink out of it. File that one away as "best idea ever."

- Ryan professed his undying love for beef-steak nuggets.

- The bus pulled up, and we unloaded right at the Red Patch Boys Tailgate.

Awk-ward......

- We were swarmed by camera crews from Toronto, who wanted to get our international perspective on the match. Ryan was one of the first to be interviewed, and as he did all he could to tell the camera people what he was thinking, the alcohol fought him every step of the way. Fortunately, the camera people thought he was just French-Canadian.

- They have a lot of funny rules in Canada, but one of them is that you can't have an open container of alcohol in public. However, one can circumvent this rule by pouring the alcohol into a coffee cup. Apparently, it has to do with the government being subsidized by Tim Hortons.

- After about 20 minutes, the coffee cups had a weird reaction to the booze, and started to fall apart quicker than Carlos Ruiz inside the penalty area (ZING!). This led many to do the unthinkable: pay 12 American dollars for Carlsberg.

- Once inside the stadium, we got to our seats and started chanting. Our chants? MASSIVE. But the stadium itself? Talk about underwhelming...

First, BMO Field is about the size of Dublin Coffman's football stadium. Not that Crew Stadium is going to seat 50k anytime soon, but at least it doesn't look like the field you had P.E. on when you were in high school.

Further, while the announced "crowd" of 19k was supposedly a sellout, it looked like fewer than your average night at Crew Stadium. I would call the "stands" 2/3 full MAX. Not exactly what one expects of the supposed "crown jewel" of of Don Garber.

And yes, I "like" using quotation marks...

- If you don't know what happened at the game, go rewatch it.

- One disturbing trend from during the game: there were at least 20-30 TFC fans scattered about through the crowd that spent more time watching, taunting, and making homophobic gestures towards the Crew Supporters than they did actually watching the game. Real winners, these guys.

- Under the stadium, while on a beer run, one of our supporters had his scarf stolen from him while he was standing in line. The douchebag who stole it is the one we see at Crew Stadium every year with TFC, the idiot who shaves a Maple Leaf into the back of his head. After the Crew fan asked him for the scarf back, Hoser Loser offered to "trade" the Crew supporter for a TFC scarf. Not sure how you can call "stealing and then offering something less than what was stolen as compensation" a "trade", but the Crew Supporter consented. Keep this incident in mind for later...

- At the conclusion of the game, the Black and Gold came over to give the supporters a cheer, then came back with the Trillium Cup. Sadly, the name only gets worse the more I say it; sounds a bit like something Luke Skywalker would wear in a little league game. Can't we call it something cool, like the "Tri", or "The thing we're gonna win every year?"

Name aside, I'm glad those Canuck Bastards didn't get their mitts on it.

- We were held by security for about 15 minutes so the stadium could clear out. This plan worked smashingly, as everyone left the grounds.

Well, everyone except for about 200 knuckle-draggers who thought it would be fun to take on the Crew Supporters, of which about half were either women, children (12 and under, in a few cases), over the age of 55, or in the most of the rest of the cases, too drunk/tired to really worry about proving any modicum of machismo.

- As we exited the stadium, the TFC goons start harrassing Crew fans, getting in their faces, and tongue wagging about how awesome their team is. This led to more tongue wagging back, which then resulted in pushing and shoving. Eventually someone broke through from TFC, even though the Toronto police were trying to give the Crew fans some protection.

Then it all kinda broke loose.

- The first guy I saw was a large man, about 6-4, and well over 300 lbs, who came charging at our intrepid Crew fan who had already had his scarf stolen. This Crew fan was standing in front of a parked car, and as the big oaf swung and missed, 3-4 Crew fans threw this huffed-up hoser up against it, and held him until the cops got there.

The cops proceeded to cuff, throw to the ground, hogtie, and mace this jackass. Then they kicked him in the ribs for good measure. Note to self: Don't get fisty around the Canadian Police.

- We had about 200 yards to get across the parking lot, and along the way, minor shouting scuffles broke out, but no true fights (funny the perspective one gains after witnessing a little police brutality). As we tried to herd ourselves back on the bus, insults were still being shouted by TFC, and one of their supporters ran through and stole a scarf off the neck of one of our boys, which did nothing to help matters.

- One of the Crew's longtime supporters was pushed to the ground, and her brother had been dragged away by either the TFC fans or the cops (not sure, as that's hearsay that I did not see.)

- Finally, after about 15 minutes, everyone got on the bus, and was accounted for. Someone from Toronto's fan group was sent on to our bus to offer to trade the stolen Crew scarf "in return for the one that was stolen earlier..."

We told them to stick it where the sun don't shine, as the only scarf we had was the previously mentioned peace offering for stealing ANOTHER one of our scarves. Sadly this did leave us down a scarf, but it left us about +50 in the "maturity", "honor", and "awesome" categories.

On that note, if you see a Crew fan walking around at Ruby's who is about 6'11 without a scarf, give him a couple of bucks. He shouldn't have to buy another one.

- Once on the bus, we all proceeded to sing loudly for the Crew, and drink even more alcohol. Much back-slapping ensued.

- Then we all noticed we were being given a police escort to our hotel. This caused even more unbelief, back-slapping, and "We are MASSIVE!" chants.

- We deboarded at one of the nicest hotels in Toronto, in the shadow of the CN tower, the Rogers Center, and Chad Marshall. This was the players hotel, and it was where we stayed for the night.

From here, stories start to get fuzzy, and lines become blurred. Many of us ran into our favorite players, shared an elevator with the Rotund One, and even managed to say a few words of praise, like, "Nice game..." or "Hey, you're Brian Carrol!".

As people went out that night, more tales of debauchery happened, many of which, out of solidarity with my fellow Crew fans, I cannot share. But we'll just say that rumors flew the next morning. There was a rumor of a girl trying to fight the Rogers Center field crew, physically; a rumor that some were shotgunning beers until 4 in the morning in a hotel suite that could easily house a celebrity next weekend; yet another rumor persisted that I went to bed at 10:30 (a bald-faced lie!). The best unconfirmed story was that one of the Massive Crew fans locked himself out of his room in only his boxer-briefs. No one but the hotel front desk can truly confirm how he got back into his room.

But there was one true to life story I can confirm for you. After 8 hours in a bus, after 3 years of missing the playoffs, after 12 years of everything from Tony Sanneh to DC United in the playoffs, a bunch of Crew fans got what they deserved: a moment with some hardware. Credit to the Crew F.O. staff who made it happen. And though a lot of the last paragraph was rumor, when I tell you that I, and probably 2 dozen other Crew fans, got to not only hold the Trillium Cup, but drink Stella Artois from its crowning bowl, I am telling the 100% truth. Fate was kind to us on that day, and no paycheck I may have blown can ever replace the good times and great friends we had on this trip.

While the events of the day were almost marred by what could have been an ugly incident outside of the stadium, the end result was beautiful. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess. That, or drink harder liquor. The point is, despite Toronto's best efforts on the field and off, they couldn't keep the Columbus Crew from yet another historic chapter in what's becoming a season for the ages.

No Guille? No Problem...

2008-09-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

As I sit here, unable to sleep in anticipation of this bus ride up to Toronto, I can't help but think how convenient the timing is of the "lower-body" injury suffered by Guillermo Barros Schelotto. In case you missed the articles
about it in the Dispatch, Guille tweaked a hammy on Thursday and may miss a week or two. Of course, everyone freaked about this, including my brother, who sent me a feverish email with the phrase "This is NOT good!" as the headline, and a link to the Dispatch story. We talked each other off the ledge in subsequent emails, noting that we bought Noonan for a reason, we just spent a week talking about how deep this team is, and that Sigi will make any adjustments necessary. Calmly, we both started breathing again, and hopefully life will continue to go on.

But after a few days of chewing on it, I think Guille just pulled a fast one on Canada. The Crew can afford the luxury of him sitting it out, so if he wants to say he "tweaked" his hamstring, or that it is "hard", I'm cool with that. And I have my reasons for thinking he's bluffing. Consider:

1. The turf in venerable old BMO field is abhorred by aging soccer players, especially talented ones. The ball plays differently, the game doesn't really sort out for the first 20 minutes anyway due to the tactical advantage it gives, and it leaves you sore for days after playing on it. Why would we want to put one of our best players at risk on this field, against a team that hasn't proven they can win, regardless of who they throw on the field?

2. The playoffs are looming, and Guille is going to go from playing about 23 games last year to playing possibly 35-plus this year. He's got to take a break, and looking down the schedule, this is the only team he could legitimately take a night off against. Further, if he had to take a two week vacation, New York isn't a bad choice, either. Keep him healthy for the New England rematch, which will be decidedly closer, the Galaxy game, when everyone in Columbus who cares will be there, and the final matches against Chicago and DC, which will be bloodbaths.

3. Guillermo could probably care less about Toronto, it's fans, and coach (though after the last Toronto Tilt, Guille said John Carver's team "play very badly..."), but more importantly, that team, fanbase, and coach HATE Guillermo. After their 0-0 tie in April, Carver could not just take solace in the fact that his team held one of MLS's best offenses to 0 goals; he went out of his way to criticize Guillermo specifically:

"I've not seen anything like it, to be honest," Carver said. "I've never been involved with anything like that before."

Right, John. In all your years coaching professional clubs, like Newcastle (1 game) and Leeds (5 games), you didn't see anything like it. Perhaps if you hadn't spent those 6 games, and the entirety of your stay in Toronto, looking for an official to blame and then berate, maybe you would have noticed more things going on during the games.

So why would Guille give these putzes in Toronto exactly what they want? Possibly because he realizes that he is the best in MLS? The face value of the tickets in Toronto should be devalued by two loons for todays game, as the best player in the league won't be making an appearance. Sadly, you can't expect people who worship Danny Diccio and Amado Guevarra to appreciate "talent" when they see it. While they won't know what they're missing, we certainly do.

4. Guillermo knows the Crew, when playing at their best, don't need him to beat the USL afterthoughts and Championship rejects that populate TFC's roster card. Not saying the Crew will beat Toronto tomorrow; anything CAN happen, after all. But there is no reason the Crew should lose to a team like Toronto, even with our best player in street clothes. Honestly, would you take any player on Toronto's roster on trade for Emmanuel Ekpo or Pat Noonan?

Didn't think so.

5. Finally, do you remember when Guille received a yellow card for supposed "elaboration" on fouls he received late in the most recent Toronto game? If not, it was quintessential to understanding Guille. After getting knocked to the ground for about the 80th time by one of Carver's hapless thugs, Guille got up wondering why play had been stopped, restarted, and no free kick awarded. When a TFC player advised him the foul had been called on him for "diving", a completely bogus charge, and that he received a yellow card ofr it, Guille thought so little of the decision that he threw his head back in laughter, shocked that the game could be that absurdly officiated.

But almost immediately, his face went from pure delight to dead on seriousnes, as he looked towards Sigi, Robert, and the gang, signaled for a substitute, and with his hands, made the gesture indicating "no more, I'm done..." It was as if he was saying, "I tried my best to play on this plastic fake field, with uncoordinated goons on the other team, and blind knuckle-draggers posing as referees. I tried. But that's it. This is not worth my time. Get me out of here." Naturally, a man who has played football at it's height for a sustained period of time would be the best barometer of where football should be played. He clearly doesn't think it's Toronto. Don Garber and his MLS cronies would do well to listen to the feelings of it's league's best player when it comes time to add possibly ANOTHER Canadian team.

Do I think Guille is using this injury as a convenient excuse? Of course. And I applaud him for it. Toronto, it's stadium, and fans, aren't worth his time. And that's to say nothing of it's football team.

An Open Letter to the Wayward Among Us...

2008-09-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

What more can be said about the Columbus Crew? We're top of the table, making things look unstable, and we might just be watching the most complete roster MLS has seen in the last 5 years.

Instead of raving about the performances of Guille, Iro, and Garey, as everyone has already done, I decided to writer a letter to Columbus sports fans who haven't yet trekked out to Crew stadium this year. With only 3 games left, it might be time for us to take matters into our own hands. Feel free to copy and paste this into an email and send it to your friends, especially the ones who don't understand what the hell you're talking about when you the words "Guille", "Brace", and "Crewsmas".

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Columbus Sports fan,

By now, you've probably caught some inkling of a percolating set of circumstances over on Velma Ave and Hudson Street. You may have noticed that giant hunk of steel called Crew Stadium has gotten a little more massive this year, thanks in no small part to a gargantuan cantilevered-steel stage. You might also have noticed a few people wearing Crew jeseys at the mall, heard someone at work mention "the Black ad Gold", maybe even been fortunate enough to have the Hudson Street Hooligan parade stop your northward progress up 4th Street on a random Saturday evening. Regardless of how you've heard about it, the Crew are increasingly creeping back into the local conversation, even among non-sports fans.

Sadly, most of those conversations begin with the sentence "Hey, I heard the Crew were doing pretty well," and end with the phrase "Does McBride still play for them?"

It's hard to blame you for the ignorance. Despite some increased blogosphere action, an honest-to-God sportswriter named Shawn Mitchell, and Larry Larson's occasional mentions, the Crew are still fighting for media coverage in this city. 1460 The Fan, the main sports station in town, can't be bothered to stop breathlessly reporting about whether a college junior has an owie on his toe. (To be fair, 1460 wouldn't know a soccer ball if Chris Spielman produced one from his nether regions.) Despite their online coverage, which is a home run, the Dispatch fail to squeeze any mention of the only professional team in Columbus to win hardware onto it's front page. The TV channels are trying, but 2 minutes in between the last look at weather and the touchy-feely dog rescue story are a tough place to do any real reporting.

If only the professional athletes on the Crew could don pads and helmets, and regain some high school eligibility. Then they could get their own half-hour show on Friday nights.

Unfortunately for you skeptics, if you want to find out what's really going on down at Columbus Crew Stadium, you're just gonna have to pony up the cash and get a ticket. Since it may be your first time in a long time, it might be good to sit up high, take it all in from the upper deck and see what's going on. Or sit in the best seats in the house; either way it's only a $10 swing in Crew Stadium from the cheapest seats ($14) to the most expensive ($24). That's right, you can see a professional sporting event in Columbus, and bring your wife and kids, for under $100. That's a far cry from the cheapest seats in Nationwide Arena ($20 for the nose-bleeds) or at Ohio Stadium ($63 to be told by bluehairs to sit down). Of course, the Crew don't have the tradition of OSU, but then again, who can afford tradition at these prices? If they sold "tradition" by the gallon, gas and booze would be a bargain by comparison.

Anyway, when you get to venerable old Crew Stadium, you'll notice super crisp passing on the field, thanks to Guillermo Barros Schelotto (more on him in a second). You'll hear from our newly-unified supporter's section, The Nordecke. Don't worry, we're easy to spot. You'll be able to get brats for a buck on certain nights (like next Thursday), and if you sit low enough, you might get a free jersey from one of the players.

Oh and those players! Forget Beckham and Blanco, who you may have heard about. The Crew have the MVP of MLS. No, the voting hasn't been done yet, but if the Crew's Guillermo Barros Schelotto does not win the MVP award for the league, the award will cease to possess any meaning (kind of like Toronto F.C.'s season). In 23 league matches, he's been responsible for 24 goals (either on an assist, or a goal himself). If you're worried about the lack of scoring that typically is assumed about soccer, this guy will soothe any concerns. With Guille as the catalyst, the Crew are on a tear over the last 4 games, all wins, scoring 11 goals, 10 of which were caused by Schelotto. And it's not a fluke; in Argentina, Guille's home country, the man is a bonafide legend, havng been a part of 18 championship winning teams. Yes, 18. That's 6 times the Superbowls Tom Brady has won, 3 times the titles Jordan won, almost as many times as Roger Clemens has retired. Thus, when you see the masses of Crew stadium literally bowing down to the chant of "Guille", you'd be wise to follow suit.

Also on the field are a few U.S. National Team pool players (Frankie Hejduk, Robbie Rogers, Will Hesmer, and soon, Chad Marshall), a silver medalist (Emmanuel Ekpo, Nigeria), and the most solid defensive midfielder in MLS, Brian Carrol. Nevermind Mr. Hustle, Alejandro Moreno, and spark plugs like Brad Evans, Eddie Gaven, Steve Lenhart, and Jason Garey who has scored in every game he's played in this season.

Maybe you're sick of cupcakes on the schedule of that other football team in Columbus. Well, the last two wins for the Crew were against a team that was leading the Western Conference a mere month ago (Real Salt Lake) and the two-time defending Eastern Conference Champions (New England). Both were absolute dismantlings; the Crew played one of their best halves of the year in the first half against Real Salt Lake. They played their best game of the year against New England. Both will be in the playoffs this year.

(Oh yeah, the Crew will be back in the playoffs this year, something the Blue Jackets have yet to accomplish.)

Sitting at the head of this tremendous team is the mastermind, the chief, the grand poobah himself, Sigi Schmid. He's only the 2nd coach to get 100 wins in MLS; the other one coaches the U.S Men's National Team, and some have openly questioned whether Sigi would have been the better choice. He's built the best team in MLS this year largely off of guys who didn't have much cred in American soccer circles, pulling out gems like Adam Moffat (2nd division last year), Gino Padula (French 2nd division), Andy Iro (draft pick passed on by half of MLS), Brad Evans (never got a chance until this year), Robbie Rogers (ditto), and of course, the aforementioned Guillermo Barros Schelotto, who was not getting first team minutes and was thought by many to be done with his career. Now he looks like he could play until he's 40. And the man who built the Crew back from utter ruin? Sigi.

Look, I'm not telling you to throw out your Scarlet and Gray or Rick Nash jersey. I'm just asking you to think about making some room in your closet for Columbus' first major league franchise. Truth be known, most of you still have some Black and Gold from back in the days of McBride, Stern John, Mike Clark, Brad Friedel, and Jeff Cunningham. If you're not careful, you just might miss seeing the team that could rewrite everything those guys ever did, and then some.

So come out to Crew Stadium! We'll save you a seat, but not for long...

Watch it.

2008-09-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

The video of the highlights from the last Crew-Revs game, that is. I dare ya:

Notice anything?

For one, speed kills the defending Eastern Conference Champs. New England's "vaunted" defense couldn't contain Robbie Rogers, Frankie Hejduk, or Eddie Gaven back in April. Yes, you read that Eddie Gaven part right, as he's faster than most of us think. In fact, look back at last season to see how well Gaven, Rogers, and the rest of the boys did against New England:

Watching that game, you should also bear in mind that guys like Tim Ward and Rusty Pierce are no longer a part of this team on defense, and Chad Marshall wasn't there. But on offense, the Crew have no problems beating guys like Ralston, Parkhurst, and Joseph. Granted, we lose two big players with Hejduk and Moreno playing for country this weekend. But I'm eager to see what guys like Evans, Ekpo, Zayner, and even Lenhart can bring to the table. Also, let's not forget some guy named Noonan has this date circled on his calendar.

But you don't even have to look just at the Crew's pwnage of the center of the pitch vs. the Revs for evidence they are lighter that people give them credit for. Joe Public showed what they can do, albeit against a fairly limited mix of reserves and regulars, in their CONCACAF whuppin' of New Engand 6-1 on aggregate. But watch the highlights of the Galaxy - Revs game from last week:

Neither Parkhurst nor Badilla can keep up. Granted, Lando Cal-prissycakes is pretty damn fast, but as we've mentioned, Rogers, Evans, Ekpo, and yes, even Gaven, have enough moves to get past what passes for the plodding, mud-footed Revs defense these days.

But the way you truly dismantle a team like New England? You've got to have someone who can make precision passes, someone who has the weight of the world and the eye of the needle all on his feet. You need someone who can spring our speed when it's least expected, and thus, most deadly.

Know anyone like that?

And certainly, when it comes to great games, Guille has had them against the Revs. His monster 30-yard game winner against the Revs in October was the Crew's Goal of the Year, and he also created the chance Robbie Rogers cracked off the crossbar that gave Eddie Gaven the tap in for his goal. Fortunately for New Engand, he's not the hottest player in MLS right now, so maybe he won't be on his game...

Oh, wait. He's the guy who has the golden touch in MLS. In 22 games this year, Guille has hit 16 assists and 5 goals. 21 goals created in 22 games? Son, it don't get much better. As of late, it seems he's been able to put the ball on the head of anything larger than a pin, and those non-pin-sized heads are finding ways to put the ball in the net. But let's not forget that Guille has also got the staggering ability to play a yo-yo one touch with the best of them, and can play a ball that has the keeper pulling out a compass and protractor.

In sports, there's always a team that everyone has to go through if they want to be on top. In the Eastern Conference of MLS, that's the Revs. But on any team that overthrows an incumbent champion, one player usually rises up to lop the head off of the proverbial dragon. The Crew have just that player in Schelotto.

Will the Crew beat the Revs on Saturday night, with all of MLS watching? Who knows. But Crew fans should be livid if the Crew don't shut down the faltering New England side once and for all. They clearly have the tools and talent to do it.

Morning Afterthoughts: Dallas Ja Vous

2008-08-31T22:16:00.001-07:00

Direct TV offers NFL fans the ability to watch every single NFL game of the season in 30 minutes or less. For fans of teams like the Dophins, Raiders, and Bengals, this proves to be a worthwhile and positive tool. With real football, however, this tool would prove useless because:

1. Soccer is too fluid to chop into a 30-minute highlight. You'd either get too much or not enough.

2. If you're going to invest 30 minutes, why not take the extra hour to see the whole game? Unlike the NFL, you can watch a complete match in less time than it takes to watch most major motion pictures.

That's why the 3 minute highlight was made for soccer. You can see the goals, the fouls, and the near misses that pretty much made or broke the match. Unfortunately, it doesn't always tell the story of who played the best, and that's OK. Soccer isn't about who plays the best each week; it's about who continues to put results on the board, regardless of how pretty it is.

And this season, the Crew should just go ahead and christen themselves the "Team of the Highlight". Columbus has been winning games in the time it takes most people to brush their teeth, or in John Carver's case, completely throw everyone in his organization under the bus.

Witness last night's game. The Crew beat F.C. Dallas with a couple of goals in response to a Jeff Cunningham goal minutes earlier. The scores came in the 37th and 39th minutes. Funny thing is, that's not the first time the Crew have pulled off this seemingly nitro-induced surge past the competition. Just 2 weeks ago, the Crew needed a mere 3-minute spurt between the 62nd and 65th minutes to dispatch of the Sister Side at home.

But it's not just the Frisco side the Crew can heat up against. Remember the 3 goals in 10 minutes they got against San Jose? Or how about 3 goals in 12 minutes against Kansas City? Granted, these microwave-like numbers have not exactly come against the best competition (combined record 18-25-23), but it is encouraging to see that the Crew have proven dangerous when the situation calls for it. When a playoff elimination is on the line, that comeback experience will come in handy, and keep the Crew braced with the hope that no matter what the clock says, until the whistle blows, they are not out of any game.

Other news and notes:

- Did anyone else know the field in Frisco has sand instead of dirt as an underlayment? Apparently, the remnants of the last Jimmy Buffet concert have not been fully removed.

- There is some debate over who the Man of the Match was. It's between Guille and Gaven, and in this case, I go with the youngster. Gaven's last two games have been the best we've seen from him in quite some time, going back to the end of last year, where he again really came on strong. Let's hope he's putting it together and becoming the player all had hoped he would be.

And yes, I thought of doing the headline "Eddie Does Dallas," but something didn't seem right about it.

Schelotto was spectacular once again, but Eddie Gaven deserves this one. Of course, better to be debating the hero, instead of the goat...

- Interesting quote from Sigi Schmid in the MLS Net postgame report. He states the Crew have never lost a game which Gino Padula started.

When informed of this, Padula said, "YYYYAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH, Maytey!"

- Seeing the F.C. Dallas "supporter's section" was just pitiful. The worst part? They've already built their stage, and still, no unified growing group of supporters. Now all that's left to offer are free beer and hookers.

- Next Saturday is Fatih and Family Night at Crew Stadium. Of course, the Crew F.O. could not have picked a better time to bring new fans to the stadium than against a team that is basically the symbolic wall the Crew will have to smash down in order to get to the Cup. This means the Nordecke should be as boisterous, loud, and offensive as we've ever seen it. What could possibly go wrong?

- Congrats to Alejandro Moreno for getting on the scoresheet against Dallas. Unfortunately, the Crew will be without his services for the Revs game, as he will once again be on international duty for his home country of Venuzuela's National Team. Damn Commies.

- By the way, kudos all around to the defense. Against arguably one of the best on-paper striker tandems in MLS (Jeff Cunningham and Kenny "Not Yet" Cooper), they gave up all of two goals in two matches. Cooper was shutout, though albeit with help from the crossbar on more than one occasion.

- With all due respect to Fados and Ruby Tuesday, I nominate Barley's Smokehouse and Brewery if you're loooking for a place to get some suds and grub. A bit on the pricey side, it's worth it for the on-site-smoked beef, chicken, and pulled pork, hand-crafted barbecue sauces, and outstanding deserts. Oh, did I mention they are indeed a microbrewery? My inner Homer Simpson is drooling.

-Finally, in a not-at-all Crew related item, did anyone get a look at John McCain's Veep choice, Sarah Palin? The governor of Alaska may not be your cup o' tea politically, but...have you seen her?

As political leaders go, outside of Nicholas Sarkozy's wife, she's gotta be up there in terms of attractiveness. I'm not saying she's hot, but I get naughty thoughts whenever the media says one of these three phrases in reference to her:

1. "Republicans are hoping voters will pull their levers for Palin in November..."
2. "Republicans have noticed a rise in their polls since the naming of Palin to VP..."

And my favorite:

3. "Insiders say McCain only recently decided to tap Palin as his VP Choice..."

Ah yes, I sometimes have a filthy mind. Apologies all around. I'm sure John McCain is honored to have such a beautiful and talented woman on his staff.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all night.

Morning Afterthoughts: R.S.L, F.U.G, and other fun acronyms.

2008-08-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

"OK Smitty," you might be saying. "I know what RSL is, but what the hell is "F.U.G.?"

Glad you asked, but there's no need to be upset. It's just a simple acronym that stands for "Five Unanswered Goals". After the Crew's outright domination of Real Salt Lake at Crew Stadium Saturday night, that's the number of times the Black and Gold have rippled the onion bag without anyone on the opposing side taking enough umbrage to get a goal back.

Many will ask what has sparked the Crew's sudden offensive explosion in the last 120 minutes of on-field play, going back to Brian Carrol's goal of the week against Dallas. Some will point to role players like Brad Evans and Eddie Gaven stepping up to create and finish chances. Others will offer that the two teams the Crew have scored on are not exactly defensive juggernauts. Still others may suggest the Crew are fired up about one of their own (Jeff Cunningham) getting his 100th career goal in Crew Stadium. But truly, there is one answer that links EVERY one of these goals together, and conveniently enough, it's a three-letter acronym as well:

G.B.S.

Go back and think about each and every one of those 5 goals. Schelotto had assists on 4 of them, and scored the penalty kick earned when Eddie Gaven was upended after he took a perfectly weighted pass from, well, who else but Schelotto? The object of the Nordecke's abject idol worship is making the case that he should get his first, middle, and last name inscribed on yet another trophy in his storied career. That would be the trophy MLS hands each year to it's MVP.

(Damn, this three-letter acronym column idea is working out much better than planned...)

On the goal Brian Carrol scored, Guille having eyes in the back of his head is the only logical explanation for how he found Carrol to bury his first goal in 27 years. On the free kicks, Schelotto's laser guided missles looked as though they had magnets for Crew noggins, as both Brad Evans and Chad Marshall could do little to mess up what El Melizo had set up (to their credit, they both took their opportunities perfectly.) And on the assist to Gaven and, ultimately, Evans, Guille seamlessly linked 90 yards of the field together with another beautiful pass after the defense swiftly and neatly snuffed out any thoughts of a RSL attack. And of course, when a man with 18 domestic and international championships steps over top of a penalty kick, there is little any keeper can do to deny the champ's wishes.

It's been said before, but it's never been more true: As Guillermo goes, so go the Crew. Witness the game we lost to Houston a few weeks ago. That night, Guillermo seemed snakebit, each pass he attempted either fell flat or glanced the wrong way. Shots he took were not on target. Generally, his play was just slightly off. The Crew lost 2-0.

Certainly, the emergence of Brad Evans and the resurgence of Eddie Gaven have been welcome, and the play of the defense has been much better the last few weeks. Pat Noonan will help the team over the stretch run and into the next few years. Robbie Rogers is still terrorizing the flanks, Alejandro Moreno is busting his ass on every through ball, and Ekpo will be playing with even more confidence after going toe to toe with Argentina in the Olympics. Frankie Hejduk continues to be the heart and soul of the 2008 Columbus Crew.

But make no mistake. Guillermo is the motor that will take this team as far as it can go. Fortunately, not only does Guille have the drive to get to the Cup, but he also knows how to get there. Here's to number 19.

Other stuff:

- I was sitting with a friend tonight who has been arguing with me about the usefulness of Eddie Gaven vs. Brad Evans. I have been clearly in the Gaven corner, and he in Evans'. When Gaven earned the PK, I was in his ear. When Gaven popped up a header in the box, he was in mine. When Brad Evans scored his goal, he thought he had the upper hand in the debate, until we saw the replay and noticed it was Gaven who served Evans the beautiful ball that Evans neatly and justly put away. Needless to say, the debate about which one is better is still raging.

However, the entire debate started because we were arguing about who should sit down once Ekpo returns and/or Noonan comes along. Funny thing is, I can't make a case for Ekpo over either of those guys right now. Evans is playing like a poor man's Brian McBride or at the very least, what we were hoping Adam Moffat would be doing on offense, and Gaven is playing like the Eddie Gaven that is earning $165,000. If Ekpo sees the field despite how well those two or doing, it means his form is definitely where it needs to be for the Crew to continue to push for the Supporter's Shield and the MLS Cup.

- Speaking of Ekpo, the Crew's Olympic Silver Medalist should be back in town this week. When he and Rogers left for the Olympics, we all talked about how it would be great if we could lose only one game and win two over that four game span. Instead, the Crew got nine points off three wins and are tied with New England for first place. Nice.

- The Crew have a dangerous trap game next week. Dallas is a decent team, and we're playing them in Frisco, which will no doubt be an inferno. Meanwhile, the Crew may catch themselves looking ahead to the eight games after next week's tilt, as seven will be against Eastern Conference opponents. They have a home and away with both New England and New York, go away to Chicago and Toronto as well, and will wrap up with a home game against D.C. United, just for gits and shiggles.

Fortunately, the L.A. Galaxy will be bringing David Beckham, Landon Donovan, Bruce Arena, and Eddie Lewis's Massive head wound to Crew Stadium as our lone Western Conference opponent after Dallas. Yippee.

- There was some discussion of how much fun it might be to load up on some adult bevy's and sit on the turf to watch Shrek after the game. This conversation led to an exchange where I impersonated a drunk watching the movie and saying, "Dude, that donkey sounds just like that guy from Norbit..." Trust me, it was hysterical.

- Do you think the RSL brass are watching their team get mauled at every away game and rethinking this move out of Rice-Eccles Stadium? That Concrete Plasto-Turf (TM) certainly has to provide some explanation for why they are so great at home and so terrible away from it.

- My fantasy football draft is tomorrow. I thought you all should know my team name this year is the Sons of Travis Henry, which is kind of borrowed from the Sons of Ben, but more borrowed from the fact that Travis Henry has 9 different kids from 9 differnet women. Here's to his next sexcapade resulting in twins so he can field a well-clad youth soccer team.

- Once again, the Nordecke was rocking tonight. Disappointed only 12,000 got to see the total annihilation of the Royal Utes, but the next home game against New England should be more well stocked with Crew faithful in the sitting sections.

- Finally, my apologies to anyone who reads this blog anticipating a piece of litereature from me. This past week, I was in poor form to blog. My bad, yo. My computer will have some down time as well next week, so bear with me. The hope is everything will be good to go in time for September's Massive run to the Shield and the Cup.

MLS Crewsing

2008-08-12T21:49:00.001-07:00

It's been way too long without a minute of Crew soccer played, especially when the last match was a trainwreck. Granted, the trainwreck was facilitated by surfer suspensions, in-game injuries and the Chinese scheduling their Olympics right during the year the Crew are making their first playoff run in four years. Damn Commies.

On a quick sideriff here, have you listened to Bela Karoli, former US Women's Gymnastic coach, give his commentary on the games with Bob Costas? I think he would be a perfect replacement for Marcelo Balboa as the color commentator for Olympic Soccer. Sure he would have no idea what he's talking about, but neither does Balboa, and at least Karoli is tragically funny. Balboa is just tragic. Also, Karoli has had the balls to call out China for blatantly lying about the age of their gymnasts. I'll take that over Balboa's slobbering over every other team's athletes while skewering our own any day of the week.

Still, despite the drought of Crew action, that doesn't mean there aren't other things happening in MLS.

One of the big stories of the last two weeks is the firing/resignation of Alexi Lalas and Ruud Gullit, respectively. One was completely justified (Lalas) and one was really unnecessary (Gullit). How can anyone blame Gullit for the desparate state of affairs that Alexi Lalas was allowed to put the Galaxy in? Forget David Beckham's $5 million-a-year contract for a second. Alexi Lalas has spent AEG's money like, well, it was Real Madrid's. Landon Donovan's $900,000 contract is arguably worth it, but not at the expense of having 17 k-a-year guys playing defense and midfield. And let's not sweep Carlos Ruiz's ghastly $400,000 contract under the rug. Imagine if Sigi Schmid and Brian Bliss were allowed $1.3 million extra? We'd have a bonafide behemoth to go with Chad Marshall in the back, a true attacking mid to connect with Guille, a left back who could connect with Rodgers, and still have enough beer money for Sigi to buy all the German beer he wants. I honestly don't know if the Crew would need to spend it all. Instead, Lalas turned that money into two egotistical players, one who is having agreat season, and one who has been on the bench for most of it. And somehow, that's falling on Gullit. Makes no sense.

Cobi Jones is taking the reigns of coaching that mess out in L.A., but it seems like the moves are not getting any better. Rumors are now circulating, and appear to be confirmed, that L.A. has passed on returning defender Cory Gibbs in favor of returning midfielder Eddie Lewis in the allocation rankings. Fortunately for the Crew, Colorado snatched up Gibbs, keeping him from going to the Revs, who now hold the first allocation spot that would have belonged to the Crew. Of course the Revs appear to be wheeling and dealing, as Goff and others are reporting that Saprissa's Gabriel Badilla will be joining New England for the playoff push. He's a defender by the way.

On the Eddie Lewis thing, I guess they're thinking they'll win 6-5?

Meanwhile, there's still time in all of this for the Crew to make a move. I know, I know, Pat Noonan is here, Gino Padula appears to be practicing once again, and the Olympics will be over sooner than later, but the Crew still need to make another move, preferably for a back line defender who can play on the left (just in case, sorry Gino). And it's not just me saying that, but the ever-more-enjoyable Mike Arace from the Dispatch. According to Mitchell's article (first link in this paragraph), the Crew are trialing Brian Plotkin, formerly of the Chicago F*re, and are looking at a defender from Moldova who used to play in the Ukraine. And yes, those countries are neighboring, in case you went to public school. Don't know who it is, but there's good money in betting the nameplate will be sleeve to sleeve.

Regardless, those moves won't cut it. The Crew have until the 15th to make one more move, and I have to believe we can unload a couple of youngsters (a la Jed Zayner and Brad Evans) for a veteran stopper in the middle. After all, guys in your fantasy football league make bad trades once their season has tanked, and there are plenty of horrible decision makers in MLS (which many times does not attain the high standards of most FF leagues). Let's keep the faith that we can get a final piece on the cheap, and the Crew can make a run at the Supporter's Shield, the Cup, and stuffing it all in the face of Brian McBride.

Morning Afterthoughts - Olympic Running Diary

2008-08-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've done a running diary. And since there's no Crew game this week, I figured I'd do one for the US - Japan match. I decided not to post until at least a day after the game, so everyone could watch without me givign away results. Enjoy!

Pregame:

Welcome to Tianjin, for the first match of the 2008 Olympics! The US men are starting three players named Michael (Parkhurst, Bradley, and Orozco), while the Japanese are starting two players with the last name "Honda". I bet they have good motors.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Does the fun ever start?

First Half:

1:46 - Apparently my shiny new Silverlight plugin does not allow me to hear the announcers commentary that went along with this game. Since it was Marcelo "Facts? Logic? What are those?" Balboa on the call, I think I'll be just fine listening only to the game sounds.

2:35 - One of the Michaels (Orozco) fouls one of the Hondas. I might type this more than once...

6:30 - Robbie Rogers tears up the left sideline for the US, and nearly draws a foul on the edge of the box. Lots of oohs and aaaahs from the pro-American crowd on that one.

8:37 - Freddy Adu attempts a backheel pass, and it fails miserably. Are we allowed to take the kid gloves off on him yet?

9:02 - Dangerous chance up the left side for Nippon, but Brad "Money Man" Guzan is up to the task and snuffs out the play before a shot is attempted.

Japan is getting better chances here, but the US is overall controlling the midfield.

10:51 - Robbie Rogers corrals the loose ball, than makes two defenders fall out of their jockstraps trying to stop him. He gets free on the edge of the box, passes to Maurice Edu, who wastes his chance. Good stuff from Robbie though...

14:03 - Another Michael (Bradley) launches a shot from 20 yards that the keeper handles with little problem. But it was a cannon ball of a shot. If he doesn't hit that right to the keeper it's a goal.

15:26 - After earning a free kick at midfield, Freddy Adu stands over the ball for 23 seconds until he decides where to kick it. Naturally, he kicks it into a gaggle of jerseys, and it's knocked out of bounds by the US.

Out of curiosity, anyone else out there think Adu is just trying to be too perfect? Instead of taking what the game gives him, he's looking for the perfect pass, the perfect opportunity, the perfect buildup. If he just pushed as hard as he could for 90 minutes, I think it would work better for him.

19:24 - Orozco gets stuck in pretty well here, and doesn't give an inch, though he concedes the corner. Nice bit if defending from him, however.

20:35 - Wow that was nice football by Japan. Off the corner, they play a little give and go, and get enough space to cross in front of and past a diving Guzan, leaving Masato Morshige with the ball at his feet at the near post with no one between him and 1-0. Unfortunately for him, he somehow tucks the ball outside of the near post, and blows his open chance.

That was great soccer by Japan all the way to the finish. If Morshige had just stood there, the ball had a better chance of bouncing off of him and rolling in that what he did with it.

21:57 - Well THAT was interesting. Rogers has the ball at midfield on the left sideline. Freddy Adu makes a diaganol run towards the left sideline from midfield. Rogers plays the ball with his right boot, thus causing it to tail away from Adu and out of bounds. Immediately, Adu screams back to Rogers "Robbie, Robbie...the inside of your LEFT foot!" (I can hear this because there is no match commentary audio, just the field mics.)

And you know what? Adu is right. Robbie could have and should have played that with his left. Good job by Freddy for being a bit of a coach there, whether his age warrants it or not.

23:45 - The US is pressing here, but they end up bunching up and giving away a foul to Japan. Not very pretty, boys...

27:55 - Another dangerous cross for Japan, but no one was on the end of it. Scary stuff, though.

32:14 - Robbie Rogers breaks another pair of cankles on the left side, and sends in a beautiful, near-post ball that absolutely no one gets on the end of. Dammit, McBride, where the hell are you?

Oh, you were camped out on the FAR post. My bad, OG.

32:38 - Freddy Adu gets a nice pass from Stuart Holden just outside the 18, flips it up on his knee, then nearly gets a highlight-reel goal, as he volleys it JUST over the bar. Keen stuff from him on that play.

33:17 - By the by, the Japanese keeper's kit is roughly the color of the bibs roadcrew workers have to wear. If his kit could talk, it would be shouting at us.

39:31 - After a Freddy Adu foul, Japan plays a quick restart, and Atsuto Uchida gets behind the US defense. His cross to Hiroyuki Taniguchi is thwarted by Marvel Wynne, who was the one who sent the nice ball up the field to spring Adu just a few seconds before.

Also, the name "Marvel" has only boldened my stance that the first child I have will be named "Top Cow".

40:38 - Good God...

On the ensuing corner kick, the ball bounces to Adu, who attempts to clear. His clearance is stopped by a Japanese defender, who gets the ball to Uchida, who once again finds Taniguchi alone in the box. His header, though, once again does not find the net. And though I can't see the flag from the camera angle, the replay clearly shows two of the Nippon offside. Whew...

Extra time - Strange way to end the half. Japan earned a corner kick, and as they were aligning themseves, the ref blew the whistle before the corner could be taken. Usually you see them let the play happen and then call time. Ah well.

Halftime 0-0

2nd Half:

46:29 Marvel Wynne does his best Frankie Hejduk impresonation, and blazes up the right hand side, sending in a cross that's deflected out to an unmarked Stuart Holden at the top of the box. Holden fires at keeper Shisaku Nishikawa, who can't handle the shot, and it scoots in for a

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

It was poor play by the keeper, but we'll take it. 1-0 US.

50:48 - After losing possession in the midfield, Freddy Adu takes a stab at one of the Japanese players' ankles, resulting in a booking. We can again hear Adu, and he says "One foul? You're gonna book me after one foul?" Well, Fred, there was more than one...

63:55 - Japan nearly levels, as Yuto Nagatomo crosses into the box, Keisuke Honda just misses getting any part of his face on the ball. Man, the US is trating Brad Guzan like a piece of wet laundry out there.

65:50 - Freddy Adu carries the ball across the corner of the 18 yard box, and is shoved with two hands from behind. Even though it's in the box, there's no call. Unbelieveable...

72:51 - Honda just received a yellow for Japan for a hard and late tackle on Robbie Rogers. Robbie is grabbing the ankle, I'm hyper-ventilating. Fortunately, he hops up and seems to be OK.

Also, Japan just subbed in a player named Toyoda. So on the field, we've got two Hondas and a Toyota. We're an Ichiro Suzuki away from having my uncle's garage.

73:34 - Novak decides to sub out McBride, who's done nothing all game, for Jozy Altidore. Also, apparently the number "1" on the front of McBride's jersey got ripped off, because he looks like number 7 from the front, even though the back of his jersey says 17. Wonder if the jerseys were made in China?

76:35 - Takuya Honda is booked for fouling Altidore on a breakaway up the sideline. Upon further review via replay, it looks like Honda was boooked for grabbing Altidore's junk and pulling like he's trying to start a lawn mower.

80:24 - Shaking off the foul, Altidore creates a good chance, getting in on the keeper, but at a very poor angle. I know McBride is on the team, but why are we not starting Altidore?

82:10 - Stuart Holden gets a nice ovation for his efforts and goal as he is taken off for Benny Feilhaber. Good move by Novak to add Feilhaber here.

86:12 - There's a little karmic Zen weirdness for ya. Robbie Rogers gets subbed out for none other than former Crew mate Danny Szetela. Robbie took some knocks, hopefully he's OK. He too got a standing ovation when he left.

Out of curiosity, are we always going to have to call these guys by their cutesy nicknames? When will they be men? Daniel Szetela? Bob Rogers? How about Benjamin Feilhaber, or Fred Adu? The only one show should get to do the ending sounding like "y" thing is "Stewie" Holden, and that's just for the Family Guy reference.

88:48 - Brad Guzan gets a yellow for wasting time. Not so hot if he gets another one of those...

And that's it!!! Final: U.S. 1, Japan 0. MOTM is probably Holden or Rogers. Not pretty, but this was a game the US needed if it wants to advance.

With Nigeria and the Dutch playing to a tie, it's going to be an interesting group stage. The Natty lights take on the Netherlands this Sunday morning with a chance to seal a birth into the next round if we win. Pretty big "If" though, as this Dutch side is LOADED. The game is at 7:30am. Well, at least we got the late game...

Morning Afterthoughts: Lack of Depth Sinks Crew

2008-08-04T04:43:00.001-07:00

I really don't have much to say about the Crew's 2-0 loss on Saturday nightn, other than the obvious. The Crew lost because of poor finishing, poor defense, and a ton of players missing, due to callup, suspensions, and injury. With both teams at full stregth, I'm sure the Crew would have fared better. And yet, they could have tied or won that game, had they hit on a few of the sitters that were missed. Ah well.

The Good: Guille, Gaven, Peterson, Zayner, Moreno.

The Bad: Iro, Marshall's injury, Evans misses, Moreno's misses, Guille's misses.
I was going to say "Sigi's subs" here for not bringing on Garey until the 70th minute; but when two of your subs get burned due to injury, it throws the plan out the window.

The Ugly: How did Nate Jacqua stay on the field after this tackle?

Tell me how that is not a red card? Also tell me how he didn't get his 2nd yellow 10 minutes later when he hit Iro with his studs in the thigh a full second after the ball had been played? Meanwhile, Steve Lenhart watched and put his head in his hands.

But insted of belaboring the obvious, I want to change gears. The Crew are sitting at a weird point in the season. They are off for a week, then come back but won't be at full strength, unless the US and Nigeria can't make it out of their group stage at the Olympics. Then we play Dallas twice in three weeks (Houston and Dallas roadtrips in August? Gee, thanks MLS Scheduling Computer...) before heading into the most important stretch of our season, where the final nine of eleven games are against the Eastern Conference.

Menawhile, the transfer window for MLS closes on August 15th. Do the Crew need help? Should we trade someone? Splash some international cash? Kidnap Pat Noonan and drag him back to Columbus in Crew Cat's Van? And if any of that happens, who would the Crew be looking to replace?

Just for the heck of it, I'll list the positions, the players who play at each, and a percentage of confidence I have that the Crew cannot find someone who will perform better at their salary, thus showing us who is expendable. Of course, most of these salaries are guaranteed by now, so it's not like we can just cut someone and keep their money. Still, it's interesting to see what the Crew are getting for their money.

For example, I don't think we're going to find someone who will perform any better than Lenhart while being paid $12,900. It's the league minimum, so at best, we could maybe find someone as good as he is for that price. So I have 100% confidence we can do no better than Lenhart in his situation. Same goes for a high-salaried player like Guille, who has shown over the course of a year and a half that he is a leader and true engine on this team. We aren't going to find someone who is a guarantee to perform like he has been.

However, someone like Nico Hernandez, who was making 100k and riding the pine? Well I have little doubt the Crew can and in fact will do better than him before things are said and done, seeing as how they have already released him. But even when he was here, I know for sure I could do exactly what he did for $100,000: sit on my ass and barely make an impact when brought into the game.

Forwards (And Guille)
Guillermo Barros
Schelotto $375,000 - 100%
Alejandro Moreno $131,000 - 80%
Steven Lenhart $12,600 - 100%
Jason Garey $60,625 - 60%
Geroge Josten $12,600 - NA

I feel fairly confident of all of these guys. Though I note we could do better than Garey, that's mainly just because we have two guys (Rogers and Lenhart) who have performed better and make less money. I like his heart though as well as his ability he showed us in the Colorado game, and don't truly view him as expendable. Josten, since he's seen no time on the field, doesn't rate at all. But our forward situation, does not seem to be a problem area.

Midefield
Emmanuel Ekpo $123,000 - 70%
Robbie Rogers $57,500 - 99%
Eddie Gaven $165,000 - 40%
Brad Evans $33,000 - 80%
Brian Carrol $126,000 - 70%
Stefani Miglioranzi $84,200 - 70%
Duncan Oughton $75,000 - 30%
Andrew Peterson $12,900 - 90%
Cory Elenio $12,900 - NA
Kevin Burns $12,900 - NA

At $165,000 Gaven is always going to get looked at. I don't want to see us lose him, as he's only 21, and has looked good since coming back from injury. But for the purposes of this argument, $165,000 is an awful lot of money, and it seems as though for the money, there must be someone better than present-day Gaven. And in case you're wondering why Gaven gets paid so much, consider that the Crew are paying a contract negotiated between Gaven and the NY Red Bulls. The man in the Red Bulls FO who OK'd the deal? Alexi Lalas.

And yes, as much as we all love and respect the Kiwi, Duncan Oughton just flat out doesn't have it anymore. $75,000 could go a long way towards finding some help in a midfield that has truly missed Adam Moffat.

Defense

Chad Marshall $148,000 - 90%
Frankie Hejduk %175,000 - 70%
Andy Iro $53,500 - 70%
Danny O'Rourke $69,000 - 70%
Gino Padula $145,000 - 20%
Jed Zayner $43,800 - 60%
Ezra Hendrickson $72,000 - 10%
Ryan Junge $12,900 - 90%
Ryan Miller $12,900 - NA

If Gino could play left back, he's worth whatever we can pay him. But since he hasn't proven to be healthy yet, I don't know that we should be paying a guy that much to ice his knees. No one can predict an injury, of course, but the fact that he had only played in 6 games over a 2 year period might have tipped us off. And yes, for $72,000 I could buy a stack of bricks to set on the field that would play better defense than Ezra Hendrickson. You're telling me that the Crew couldn't spend that $210,000 on a sturdy anchor at center back?

GK
William Hesmer $70,000 - 100%
Andy Gruenenbaum $33,000 - 90%

Just for point of reference, San Jose is paying Joe Cannon $213,000 this season. Hell, Matt Reis is only making 160k! But for $70,000 the only two guys near that pay figure of any talent are John Busch ($80k) and Brad Guzan (was $103,000, but not anymore). So, yeah, I don't think we're going to find anyone better than William Hesmer for the money.

Out for season:
Adam Moffat $17,700 - 100%

Overall, this raises some interesting questions. The Crew are being fairly prudent, as Gaven seems to be the only overpaid player based on current performance. Next year, the Crew will most likely have to up the payout on guys like Rogers, Moffat, Hesmer, and maybe even Guille or Lenhart to keep them from leaving the fray. And while there has been talk of adding a Designated Player, how would that affect a guy like Guille? This is his team, and if a big name midfielder is brought in, I wonder how the new player would interact with our beloved Argentine.

Still, if there was ever a time to make a move, it's now, as the Crew have two weeks to get him acclimated into the system.

So what do you think? Want to see the Crew spend a lot of money now to add a final piece or two to the puzzle for this year, or leave that room for next year, and go into the playoffs with what we have?

Black and Gold (And Silver And Bronze)

2008-07-31T21:33:00.000-07:00

The Crew have sent two fine young gents off to the Olympic games to represent their countries in Robbie Rogers and Emmanuel Ekpo. What's truly curious about this entire situation is that:

1. They play on the same club team
2. Neither played significantly for that team last year
3. Both have been key to their club team's success this year
4. Both have first and last names that start with the same letter.
5. They will be battling each other for the right to come back and play for that club team

...I mean, to win the Gold. Sure.

That's right. In case you didn't know, the US and Nigeria are in the same knockout group. In fact, they'll be on the same pitch August 13th in the Beijing Workers Stadium, presumably lined up opposite each other. Also, as with all round-robin group play tournaments, it is possible both teams could not only advance, but there is a chance the US and Nigeria could square off in the gold medal match. So, what does this mean for Crew fans?

Root for Japan and The Netherlands.

Just kidding. But it does present that tough question for the USMNT diehards: root for Robbie Rogers to win a gold, or root for him to be back in Crew Stadium ASAP. As much as I love Ekpo, I hope he sees limited to no time and Nigeria gets thumped 5-0 in their first game. I don't know if I can root against the Natty Lights, but I do not have any affiliation for Nigeria.

Full schedule here.

The US Men's Schedule:
8/7 5:00am vs. Japan
8/10 7:45am vs. The Netherlands
8/13 5:00am vs. Nigeria

Nigeria's Schedule:
8/7 7:45am vs. The Netherlands
8/10 5:00am vs. Japan
8/13 5:00am vs. USA

Quarter finals: 8/16
Semi Finals: 8/19
Bronze Medal: 8/22
Gold Medal: 8/23

Here are the games we lose one of them for if they make it all the way.

7/27 - @ Colorado (W: 2-0)
8/02 - @ Houston
8/16 - FC Dallas
8/23 - Real Salt Lake

It is entirely possible we could have a Nigeria/USA final, Which is the worst/best case scenario, depending on how you look at it. But even then, we're talking four games against Western Conference teams. We will definitely lose both of these guys for the next game, and probably the home game with Dallas, unless they don't play at all, and their teams don't advance. If they get bounced in the quarter finals, we get one or both back for Real Salt Lake.

The big question is: How much is this going to affect the Crew? Well, maybe it will be worse than originally thought, now with Lenhart suspended for the next two games, and Frankie suspended for one. If we take only two points over the next three games, we will be on 33 points with 9 games to go. Not all that bad, but not great. Of those 9 games remaining, 7 will be against Eastern Conference teams, which means we will be slugging it out to get the Supporter's shield/playoff positioning.

For me, I'm club over country. So give me Robbie Rogers back tomorrow. What about you?

Morning Afterthoughts: Rocky Win Allows Crew to Climb

2008-07-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

Did we see what we just saw? Down to 10 men, the Crew held onto a 1-0 lead after Sigi switched formations for the first time since the Reagan Administration and even added a goal after a 2nd-half sub not named Steven Lenhart finished an amazing run that took advantage of a goal kick. By the way, did we mention the Crew had only won once at Colorado ever, that our two wingers are en route to China, and that Colorado outshot the Crew 23-5?

So, how did the Crew win 2-0? Let me paint you a picture:

The Crew have sometimes this year suffered ties that should have been wins, and occasionally a brave few have questioned the abilities of the fuzzy-headed man between the pipes. But last night, William Techumseh Hesmer absolutely destroyed any thoughts of a ceiling on his career. He made 7 huge saves that would serve any European side well. And he wasn't so much patroling his penalty area as he was destroying anyone who dared wade into the Crew 6-yard box on a set piece. William hasn't completely got his positioning down 100% of the time, but his reactions are second to none.

Meanwhile, the legend of Lenhart continues to grow. His interplay with Miglioranzi, who played an absolutely brilliant ball to the Azusa Kid, was an example of all that is good about soccer. The red card he was given was an example of the exact opposite. The physical manhandling the forwards in MLS are required to take without a foul being called is appalling. While Moreno and Schelotto no doubt were angered about Lenhart being sent off, and perhaps, the obvious manner in which he earned his trip to the showers, no doubt they had to feel some sense of justice after the way they have been beaten and battered without the ref passing air through his whistle. In the same vein, there is little doubt Robbie Rogers was watching, smiling, and nodding.

Lenhart's attitude is something Crew fans can be proud of. He is hot-headed, flashy, has a flair for dramatic, and most of all, will be the last person on the team who will be caught handling excrement. Jimmy Conrad, an overrated vet of MLS who gets the benefit of the doubt from the refs, media, and coaches, ran into Lenhart last week and ended up getting his head palmed like a basketball. He's lucky Lenhart didn't treat his noggin more like a Titleist sitting on the white tee of a par 5. Many have compared Lenhart to a Cabbage Patch Kid, what with his curly blonde hair and youthful look of exuberance. Forget that; if anything, he's as Garbage Pail Kid as they come. Saying Lenhart has a nasty streak is like saying Tommy Lee has a few tattoos. And to think, this time last year, Livid Lenny was going to call it quits after his senior year at APU.

Interesting Lenhart fact: all three goals he has scored have either tied or won the game for the Crew this season. Some of us should have seen this coming, since after all, 9 of 16 goals last season at Azusa Pacific were gamewinners.

(By the way, please ignore this post and this post form earlier in the season where I kind of bagged on us picking Lenhart over Xavier Balc. Kudos to Sigmund the Round for making me look like an idiot. )

Finally, as much as I have love for the curly-haired players aforementioned, I am personally most excited about the abilities currently being displayed by one Jason Garey. He got on the end of a nice goal against Independiente, apparently did the same vs. West Ham, and now has gotten into an MLS game and made the most of it, tallying the nail in Colorado's proverbial coffin Sunday night. And what a goal it was. Coincidentally, both Garey's and Lenhart's goals are up for GOTW nomination. Both deserve it, with Garey's being my personal favorite.

After a perceived slight by not getting the nod over Lenhart as first sub, Jason Garey is a man on a mission to show Sigi injuries are the only reason he's not lived up to his potential. The flashes he showed last night are promising. Nevermind the goal, he abused Colorado's defense for the 2nd half of the game. Facundo Erpen did everything but piledrive Garey on the run that became Garey's first MLS goal of the season; Bouda Condoul had to clothesline him to keep him out of net for a 2nd time. Thank God MLS's fine referees saw no reason to award the deserved penalty to Garey; we wouldn't want him to get satisfied now that he's got a guaranteed start this week against Houston.

The best thing about the whole game? With Rogers and Ekpo gone, the Crew are getting big time step-ups from secondary players in their absence. Last year, and in many years past, it seems like everyone got hot and cold at the same time. Last week, Guille carried the team; this week, William Hesmer put the team on his back and Lenhart and Garey each had a good half. The Crew are getting players to step up in key situations, and that will payoff come playoff time.

Other notes:

- Forgive me as I interrupt the sanctity of the Holiest of Spicoli's, but Frankie Hejduk needs to sit down for a game. Waaaaay to many reckless, two-footed tackles that either missed, were horribly late, or both. He was singularly responsible for a few of the Crapids chances last night. His yellow carded tackle could have easily seen red. Unfortunately, it had the same result as Lenhart's elbow, as both will miss the next match in Houston.

- Eddie Gaven looked very able coming back from injury. He burned the sidelines nearly as well as anything Robbie Rogers has done, covered well on defense, even got a little physical when necessary. Hope for more of the same this week.

- The 3-5-2 worked for Sigi, though he seems to treat Colorado with special gloves because they are so good at crossing into the box. With Frankie gone for the Houston game, what will he do? I think he goes back to 4 in the back, puts Iro in the middle with Chad, and prays to God that Padula is healthy so Danny can play on the right.

- RSL just got done beating TFC 2-1. That means even with their games in hand, of all the Eastern Conference teams behind Columbus, only Chicago is within three points of the Crew (if they win their extra match). Meanwhile, the Crew sit 2 points off the Supporter's Shield, albeit with one more game played than New England. Basically, we're in really good shape going into the Olympics.

Free Health Care Causes Brain Loss

2008-07-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Canada,

I know usually it's intelligent, eclectic Canadians lecturing us poor, inbred Americans about how to be more multi-cultural and politically correct. The dichotomy has been in place (at least in your minds) for some time now, and I know that by writing this letter, I might very well be nudging your poorly balanced egos even further off the deep end than they already sit. However, you need an intervention.

Last night at BMO field, some of your country's "soccer fans" booed not one, but two national anthems (England and the US). In fact, some even started singing the Canadian anthem OVER the US anthem. (This has happened before by the way, specifically at Crew Stadium, where many of your fans stated they couldn't hear the singer of the US national anthem from the loudspeakers. I believed you then, but now I'm not so sure...) To add to the absurdity, today many people are trying to coddle you, and make you feel better. Somehow, despite what happened, the fans at the game are somehow the victims. Reporters are saying "there was a mixup," that the Canadians thought their anthem would not be played. ESPN has actually tried to help further, adding that they "take the blame" for the mixup, presumably because they want to try to make this all seem like a terrible misunderstanding, instead of what it really is.

A revealing glimpse into the true thinking of most Canadian soccer fans.

Instead of showing the entire soccer-viewing continent what class fans you have, Canadian and Toronto fans in specific showed that their attitude is essentially that of a whiny teen on "My Super Sweet 16." When it was thought that no Canadian anthem was going to be played, many started booing the proceedings. Some fans tried to make things more "positive" by singing over another country's national anthem. These anthems are sung by people from those countries, and the anthems can still be sung because in most cases, people died defending their country's right to have an anthem. These anthems, whether you are from the country or not, are special, because of what it took to make them. But in Toronto, these anthems are only special and to be revered as long as everyone has to sit through your anthem as well. Instead of appreciating the countries represented, the fans at last night's ASG felt that if they could not celebrate their country, then no one else should get to either. Way to roll out the welcome mat.

Many Canadians are saying it was OK to sing or boo because their anthem was not getting played. If I can ask a question...what makes Toronto fans think they are entitled to having the national anthem played at this game to begin with? I realize the game was played in a Candaian city, but unplug your fingers from your ears, and hear me out. Like it or not, MLS is a soccer league mandated by FIFA through the US Soccer Federation. The game last night was an MLS exhibition. It was played in an MLS stadium. And where are the home offices of the league? Why in the US! So, it technically makes sense that the league who is presiding over the match and fielding a team plays the anthem of the country they are based out of, just as it makes sense that they play the anthem of the country where their opponents for the night, West Ham United, are based out of.

Whether or not you like it, MLS is not based in Canada. I mean, it's just not. Trust me, if it would get you all to stopp the incessant whining, I'd vote to move it there. But for now, of the 14 teams in the league, MLS has one team in Canada, and, after incidents like last night, some of us are starting to think that's one team too many.

But already, I can hear you chiding me, calling me a hater of Canada, a xenophobe, or God forbid, a Republican. Maybe that's deserved. But if you don't belive me, you can independently verify that my idea isn't insane, or at the very least, it's not unheard of to only play the anthems of the two teams involved in a game. Just watch the Barcalona - Chivas match that will be played at Soldier Field in Chicago in a few weeks. I can guarantee the two teams countries anthems will be played. But I wouldn't bet five bucks that the US anthem will be played, even though the event is taking place in the US. It would make no more sense to play the US anthem than it would for every nationality represented on the two sides to be played, since certainly not all Barca or Cheevus roster members are Spaniards and Mexicans.

For further observation, at a major league baseball game, do the play the Dominican Republic, Venezuela, or Korean national anthems? Oddly, they only play the songs of the home coutries of the two entities involved.

Toronto should be happy to be included in the proceedings, thrilled that MLS is honoring you with one of the league's focal point matches. Yet not only do you not appreciate this gesture of goodwill, Canadian soccer fan, you get pissy and throw a fit after 5 seconds of a perceived injustice at a game that is literally the biggest bone MLS can throw you. On top of that, if the fans could have waited for 5 minutes, they would have seen the league continue to bend over backwards to make their anthem the focal point of ESPN's opening TV coverage. With skin this thin, I'm not quite sure how you are going to react to getting bitch-slapped into giving up the rights for Brian McBride, but I can be fairly certain it will end with a lot of crying and people once again making exceptions for you. Kind of like the kid in school who poops his pants, but he's retarded, so it's OK.

Thankfully, when Columbus has one or two boneheads that do something backwards and ignorant (like utter a racist slur or fight), the rest of the world is disappointed because there is the perception that we ARE better than that. But Toronto? Hey, c'mon, don't blame them, it's not their fault. They live in Canada, where everyone has...what...a massive inferiority complex? Why does everyone make exceptions for you?

In closing, we all know you think you are MLS's saviors, the only fans who care about your team, the fans upon whom all other fans should gaze to glean from the wisdom dripping off your brows. But incidents like the one from last night only show how far many of you really have yet to go.

An Open Letter from Someone Who Wasn't There...

2008-07-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

Dear West Ham Hammered Supporters,

Well, you guys made quite the impression, didn't ya? You've done something for soccer in this country that only Beckham and Blanco have done before: you put it in the 24-hour news cycle. Congratulations are in order for that, I suppose. But quite honestly, if we knew that a fracas was all it would take, we would have rather just chipped in and sent DVDs of "Football Factories" to all the major media outlets. At the very least, we would have offered a Danny Dyer autograph signing/poser-fest at the local pub.

But instead, you had to go and bring us this dustup that has kept your famous West Ham in the press for 24 hours more than they got from the British media this past year. Wigan and Bolton, watch your ass! WHU is aiming for ya! Look, we're flattered and all that you sent some lackeys over to the most historic soccer facility in the US to get some pre-season mojo working over in the UK, but next time, go somewhere you'll be appreciated, like Chicago or Toronto. At least there, they already have groups of self-important bastards who think the game of football was invented so they could talk about how awesome they are. And in Chicago's case, you get the added bonus of having drooling skinheads who have no problem robbing the opposing fans of their personal possessions. I mean, was their a match more made in hooligan heaven?

In all sincerity though, I actually have to thank you for one thing you did, whether you were aware of it or not: you showed us just how little protection our stadium "security" truly offers the Hardest Working Fans in MLS. To put in lightly, if Crew Stadium Security were a rubber, your girlfriend would double or triple wrap your Alan Dicks before hopping in the sack.

Thin is a nice way of putting it, then. The Crew front office has decided to leave it's event protection in the hands of Contemporary Services, or CSC as they are often called. The people in the yellow shirts that have no Crew markings on them? Yeah, that's CSC. During yesterday's fracas, by all accounts, they moved into action at the last possible moment, narrowly averting a bad situation that could have become worse. You might have been wondering how it was possible that you could just walk over to the Crew Supporter's Section without anyone standing in your way?

Send your regards to Scott "Joe Swanson" Dibolt and the rest of the guys wearing CSC shirts. Yes, these are the same guys who have been kicking Crew fans out of the stadium for lighting smoke bombs and throwing streamers, but are the last to join in the proceedings when other teams fans (like yourselves) come into the section and start doing things they have no business doing until the last possible moment. CSC tend to employ the old addage that an ounce of prevention is just a BIG STEAMING PILE OF CRAP! Who needs things like "security guards at the top of the section" when you could have "security guards kicking ass and taking names after 14 broken noses!" Sure, prevention of these acts would make everyone feel a lot safer while watching the game, but the CSC policing procedures bring that tinge of excitement you can't get in normal life. Besides, it's not like there are 8,000-10,000 empty seats already for each home game; with CSC running the show, they could easily push that number up over 12,000 empties by the end of the season.

And if you're sobering up this morning and wondering why the Crew continue to employ such knuckleheads to run their security, you might not need to look any further than Mark Glaser, VP of CSC operations who also happens to be a member of MLS's Safety and Security Committee. Coincidence? Of course! Why would anyone think that MLS badgers it's teams to use inferior security forces, simply because the VP of said organization happens to sit on the board that would be in charge of awarding such contracts? After all, look at his impressive security resume, from CSC's official website:

...Mark completed the Disney Institute’s People Management class and received the 1998 CSC Manager of the Year Award....

I mean, the guy actually has his training from a Mickey Mouse organization! Does the fun ever start!?!?!

Unfortunately, as far as we know, Glaser has never shot one of his friends in the face with bird shot. But he has used the phrase "you're doing a heckuva job" in reference to the undercover work done by CSC a few weeks ago.

Of course, Mark McCullers, Crew GM and honestly a guy who falls in between "inept accomplice" and "hostage" in this whole situation, has released a statement saying roughly that the Crew Stadium security "intervened and immediately began to escort those West Ham Supporters to the concourse". So fortunately, even though CSC doesn't have the Crew Supporter's backs, the Crew has theirs, probably at MLS's Safety and Security Committee's prompting.

Sounds like MLS may have a little conflict of interest, no?

At any rate, thanks to the West Ham Supporters, some people who actually care about soccer, possibly including US Soccer itself, will have to think about looking into who handles the security in the stands. After all, MLS is finally attracting a decent player pool and adding stars to it's teams by the handfuls. With that quality comes a larger fan base, and certainly, more of a possibility for something to go wrong, if for no other reason than the law of averages. Fans who sit in the stadiums know how piss-poor CSC has been for years; to that end, DC's Barra Brava made sure they got DC Metro police to take care of their section. Says something when a group of soccer "hooligans" would take the cops over the alternative.

Thus, consider this my thank you note, since I wasn't there, and couldn't thank you personally for getting the Crew FO to pay attention to something other than streamers and umbrellas. As long as the Crew and MLS officials don't screw this up, and do something idiotic like blaming the Crew fans, I'm sure we'll all be thanking you before it's all said and done.

So, basically, I'm taking it all back...

(Saturday) Morning Afterthoughts: Video Redux

2008-07-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts heading into the All-Star Break:

- The Crew have scored 27 goals, but given up 25. We're 3rd best in goals scored, 3rd worst in goals against. But we're looking for strikers?

Yep, and rightly so, at least for now. While the defense needs a shot in the arm, our offense is losing it's two biggest threats. Ekpo and Rogers are a nightmare for defenders who are just learning how to work it out. They spread out the field, which is giving Guille more room to work his magic and Moreno more freedom to hold the ball and hit them as they make runs. Remember last year when we couldn't score? Neither of those guys were on the pitch...

- Still, the defense needs help. Danny O'Whoops and Andy I-slow can't seem to get it together, and Frankie has had a bad run of form the last few weeks.

My advice: How's about we spend that DP money on Marcos Gonzalez? I keed, I keed.

- Drumming for the entire game is harder than it looks. I brought two friends and some marching band drums, and we tried to keep up with La Turbina. We had slightly better rhythm, but no where near the stamina.

And yes, that's what she said.

- Best atmosphere ever in the Nordecke. I also noticed the entire stadium standing last night towards the end of the game when the Crew looked like they might score. Nice to see.

- Wolff was not offside on the goal, mainly because Iro was in too deep without marking anyone and O'Rourke whiffed.

- The ref did not call two blatant handballs, or anything that happened to Robbie Rogers. Can we all chip in and buy him a jersey that says "Beckham 23" for when he gets back from China?

- With our wings gone, I think we should move Moreno to one of the wings, and put Lenhart up top as our holding forward. At the very least, the kid should see 20 minutes every game until he stops putting the ball in the back of the net.

Now for the videos:

Guille with a clutch goal to open the floodgates:

Moreno's goal and Celebration with Columbus' Finest Fans:

There's a goal and an assist for Schelotto, by the way.

Chad Marshall with a beautiful upper-90 goal, and a great reaction from the crowd!

By the way: Jimmy Conrad got flat out owned on this goal. Beaten like a rented mule, by a country mile, and worse than a red-headed step child. How is he an All-Star and Guille not?

While we're jersey shopping for Rogers, maybe we should also get Schelotto a number 10 jersey that says "Blanco" on it so the other MLS idiot soccer fans and the league office will pay attention to him. He's having one of the 5 best seasons in MLS this year.

Why we're going to miss Emmanuelle Ekpo:

Why we'll miss Robbie Rogers:

Pertaining to the last two videos: Go Holland and Japan! Please knock Nigeria and the US out in group play. Thank you.

And go figure: MLS doesn't have the video of Golden Boy Jimmy Conrad getting pwned by The Cabbage Patch Kid on it's quick kicks section. Fancy that. Sure Lenhart fouled him, but I don't know what the technical term is for what Conrad was doing to keep Lenhart from blowing by him. Arm-barring? Half-nelson? It has to be a wrestling term. Kudos for Lennie getting into it with Conrad after the fact. I'm actually sad somone didn't do to him what Virtuoso did last year...

Counting Frankie's miss and two sitter crosses that were not converted(one by Moreno, one by Robbie), as well as Robbie's shots that were blocked, the Crew had the better run of play, and could have won this game 4-3 or 5-2. Instead, we lose 2 points at home, yet remain a game ahead of everyone except New England for now (though some teams have a game in hand on us.) About as good of a first half as we could have expected, all told.

Finally, on a NCR note, "The Dark Knight" is the best movie I've ever seen. Even better than "Step Up 2: In the Streetz." Best quote: "I'm like a dog chasing cars..." Trust me, when you see it, it will make sense.

Bring on the Hammers this Sunday. You going?

Crew Looking at Nigerian Striker.

2008-07-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

Finally, this much talked about mystery man from Africa has been nearly identified. I say nearly because on a blog from Shawn Mitchell today, a rough outline of who this guy is has been given:

Here's what I know so far about the Nigerian striker the Crew is attempting to bring in for a look-see: He is 25 and played in Israel for several years. He signed with a team in Romania last season but suffered a knee injury and did not play. I don't have a lot of time to devote to identifying this player right now, which is a required part of the game that is played when talk to turns to foreign acquisitions. Anybody up for the task?

Well, since you asked, I think it's Ibezito Ogbonna. From his Wikipedia page:

Ibezito Ogbonna (born March 27, 1983) (Age 25) is a Nigerian football player. After spending four seasons in Israel with Hapoel Tel Aviv, Ogbonna signed a two year contract with CFR Cluj in Romania

He only managed to play approximately 4 minutes for the Romanians though, suffering a serious injury early in the season that kept him on the sideline for a year. Ogbonna was recently released on a free by CFR Cluj and is currently looking for a new club.

I'd say we've found our man. As far as what he can do, here's a crappy highlight reel:

Looks like he can get on the end of setpieces and corners, and he's fast enough to outrun defenders. At least, Israeli league defenders. So we'll see how he does in Columbus.

Also, what are we calling him? "Zito"? "Oggy"? I vote for "Ibezzy"...

Morning Afterthoughts: Real Stupid Loss

2008-07-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

As the Crew stumbled out of the Rocky Mountains last night with no points after their 2-0 loss to Real Salt Lake, one has to wonder if they gave any thought to how they'll vote this November. After all, one of the biggest issues for many voters concerns the management of our environment. While this writer will not be bold enough to specualte as to which candidate offers the best solution for those issues, no doubt the Crew players would do well to consider buying a lobbyist to petition for one "green agenda": real grass in every MLS stadium.

Sure, there is a shopping list of things we could blame the Crew loss on, such as:

- Uninspired play
- Unsinpried subs
- Poor luck (how many crosses and shots have been knocked down or glanced off the woodwork?)
- RSL not being all that bad
- Everyone in Columbus being generally disturbed after seeing the new Ricart commercials.

All are valid reasons the Crew lost. And usually, I'm not one for government intervention into minute details of how privately held organizations are run. But in this age of "Fair Play" and banning streamers that "affect the run of play," how can MLS still allow legitimate games between legitimate teams to be played on fields that your dog wouldn't take a piss on? How can the standings be taken seriously when such an obvious advantage is given to teams that choose to play on poor fields?

I realize both teams have to play on the same field. But one team is used to the inherent bounces, hops, and skips the Real Fake Pitch is bound to have. Realize that RSL's pitch is not anything like the Field Turf you'll find at OSU, or one of those hybrid grass/synthetic mixes. Rice-Eccles's pitch makes concrete look like the 18th green at Pebble Beach. Is it any coincidence that RSL is unbeaten at home in the first season they got a "marginally" decent team?

Bottom line: let's not worry so much about the way we played in this game, as that's just a flat-out waste of time, considering the field. Instead let's look at the tactics used by the Sigi, which indicate what we're doing right and what we're doing wrong.

1. Using Brad Evans for 90 minutes.
Bad Idea
When the book gets written on Brad Evans' career (OK, so maybe "pamphlet" is more accurate), it will read roughly like this: Child player who was always quicker than everyone else, who became high school player who was faster than everyone else, who became college player who was one of the speediest guys on his team, makes it to MLS where he learns that he's not fast enough to cover for the fact that he is never in the right position. Every time I see Brad Evans he's doing one of two things: Busting his ass to catch up to his man who ran right into the open space he vacated, or putting his hand up to receive the ball on offense. Those are the only two definable skills the man has, and yet Sigi continues to rush him onto the field. Oh, wait I almost forgot his ability to mis-hit sitters inside the 18-yard box.

I realize Adam Moffat and Eddie Gaven aren't helping the situation by being injured, but would anyone really be that worried about Stefani Miglioranzi in that position? He's not as fast as Evans, but has better awareness, and has some decent aerial skills. Plus, he can play defense. Evans needs to see the bench, for Miglioranzi now and for Gaven when he's healthy. Why Sigi has to rush Evans out there time and again I don't understand.

2. Subbing out a left back (Junge) for another left back (Miglioranzi) when down 1-0 at home.
Bad Idea
So, last week, we were down one and Bobby Rifle sticks his neck out and puts Lenhart in for Iro. Lenhart scores the winning goal, and has one of the best goal celebrations in Crew Stadium History. This week, Sigi subs in defense for more defense when we need a goal to take points on the road. What happens? We concede another goal and score none of our own.

This is a serious question: Can we see about getting Sigi to be our director of player personnel and give the team to Robert after this season? Sigi has done some good and found some great players, but he seems stuck on certain tactics that just don't work. On the road, late in the game, I'd rather push for the tying goal and lose 5-0 than sub in more defense and still not get any points. Can't the Sigmeister at least pretend we're going for points on the road?

Fortunately, Brad Evans was on the pitch the entire game.

3. Putting Danny O'Rourke in as a center back.
Bad idea.
Danny O'Rourke wears the badge as proudly as anyone has. But he is not cut out for the middle of the defense. Put him out wide, let him get forward, and let's let Iro's fresh legs get some play while we're in the middle of the hottest part of the season. Sure, Iro's not there yet, but I'd rather get him there for later in the season, let him have his lumps now, and get it figured out. I've personally all but given up on seeing Padula for any meaningful stretch of time this season, so why not get the twin towers in the back working together, and let Danny and Frankie roam the sidelines?

Or, and here's a wild idea, maybe we should seek some kind of replacement for Marcos Gonzalez. You remember, our best defender last year? Just a crazy thought.

Personally, I'm in agreement with those that say let's put this one behind us and get ready for another huge primtime win on ESPN Thrsday night. But let's also bear in mind that there are some legit problems we have right now, and hope that Sigi can address them. And, let's stop worrying about RSL. We'll show them what real grass is all about when they come back here.

Smitty's Silly Game Preview: @ Real Salt Lake

2008-07-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

The Crew are in the midst of a four game unbeaten streak, which nearly makes up for the four game scoreless streak they had prior to that. Trying to thwart the Crew from staying undefeated in their last 5 is a team undefeated at home in 2008. But seriously, is Salt Lake for "Real"?

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...*tear....ahahahaha.....whew....I crack myself up.

REAL SALT LAKE

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: RSL Boss Jason Kreis is suspended yet again for comments he made criticizing the refs after a 0-0 draw with Houston last week. Kreis will miss the next two games and pay $2,000 to MLS.

In other news, apparently MLS coaches are only paid enough that $2,000 is looked upon as a financial penalty. What do they do for a 3rd offense? Take away your Rollover minutes?

NEW ADDITIONS: RSL's new stadium will be hosting the MLS All-Star game in 2009. However, none of the RSL players will be expected to play in it.

BIGGEST HOLES TO FILL: The mouths of any dependents of Jason Kreis over the next few weeks. They might be in need of some mac n' cheese and orange drink.

2008 PREDICTION: Mormons don't believe in your voodoo witchcraft.

Match Preview here.

GAME PREDICTION:

Robbie Rogers, stoked from his MLS All-Star assignment, gets a goal, and Guille gets one as well. Crew win 2-0.

Finally, for those who have never seen it, here's a South Park explanation of the Mormon faith.

Gut Check for Garber

2008-07-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

If you missed the Open Cup between DC and Chicago this week, you missed a firecracker of a game. While DC advanced to the next round, they were nearly beaten to death by the Chicago Fire's hacking, flailing, no-talent club that is getting worse by the second.

Here are the highlights, assuming MLS isn't stifling the freedom of the press:

Fist, you'll note John "I'm getting beat by 74 year-old Jaime Moreno" Thorrington absolutely clobber High May from behind, which should have drawn straight red. Instead, because USSF-sanctioned refs are terrible, he merely saw yellow. What Thorrington did would be enough to be tied up and shot in some parts of the world. Here? He gets to finish the game...

But all hell broke loose when the Hunchback of Nacho Libre (Blanco) punched DC's Clyde Simms in the gut while trying to get him to let go of the ball (I guess?). A scuffle ensued that allowed Marc Burch to shove Blanco to the ground, at which point Blanco jumped up and attempted to gouge Simms eye. Fortunately, the ref did agree to let Blanco see red, which in turn only escalated the problem. Reportedly, Blanco spit on one of the officials, headbutted a DC team official, and threw a streamer.

Don Garber asked for the tape on that third one.

Those accusations have led the Chicago Fire Vice President of Communications Craig Elkin to give the following "account" of what Blanco did:

"[Blanco] did stop at the bench to pick up whatever and the guy got on him, and when he turned to leave, his forehead did graze the cheek or jaw area," Elkin said.

That's right ladies and gentlemen: you can all rest easy, as Craig Elkin has assured us that Blanco merely let his forehead graze the cheek or jaw area of a DC official. What, did they cuddle afterwards? Who paid for dinner? Does Blanco put out?

But at least Elkin did something to acknowledge a situation that actually happened. Don Garber hasn't said more than two words on the matter, nor has putz in training, Ivan Gazidis. Honestly, can't you picture both of them hiding under their desks at MLS HQ, texting each other on whether or not it's safe to come out yet? Even though the inssue involves their players, the sad reality is that no one really knows what MLS is going to do about this situation, because:

1. It was an Open Cup game, and thus, not an MLS-sanctioned match.
2. Blanco makes the league a lot of money
3. Don Garber seems to change his mind each week on what the rules are, so no doubt, he has plenty of room to play with this MLS-team-in-a-non-MLS-match.

Fortunately, USSF, which would technically have oversight of MLS, is looking at the tape, and will hopefully sit Blanco down or at least fine him a good chunk of change. But in my mind, the league has to send a clear message that they will not tolerate this behavior from their players. How can you not suspend a player for taking a swing at another player? What if he had actually connected to a less protected area, like the face or groin? Part of Blanco's salary is on MLS's books (the majority is paid by the Chicago ownership group, since he is a designated player), so he should be held accountable as a league employee, let alone as one of it's most visible representatives. If I'm the face of a big corporation, and I punch someone in a barfight, doesn't it make my organization look bad? Shouldn't they have to do something to me to keep the stock holders happy?

Well, MLS doesn't have stock holders. They have a group of fans who want to see the league rise to new heights. And one of the players MLS purposefully hitched their wagon to has a known history of violence against players and the media, and he is acting out again. The league must act firmly and quickly.

But my guess is that MLS will throw all their "Fair Play" objectives under the rug, and let Blanco waltz right onto whatever pitch he wants to until the season is over. We've already seen how they bend the rules for certain teams (L.A.) who are making money for the league. Certainly, any lenience Blanco receives is due as much to the fact that he sells a lot of jerseys and tickets as anything else. Money talks, and Don Garber has the spine of a jellyfish; I'd expect Blanco to wear brass knuckles on the field and get them spit-shined by the 4th official.

Imagine if David Stern was the Commisioner of MLS. Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest know all to well how he treats situations like this.

Once again, MLS has a chance to show they are a legit league that has a structure and a set of rules that don't change based on the name on the back or front of your jersey. They could show everyone that they are cracking down on rough play, and not making special exceptions for certain players. Instead, the league will most likely, in trademark fashion, send out a press release around 5pm on Friday that says they "harshly condemn" Blanco's actions but will not sanction him for it. Or they'll say nothing at all.

Either way, MLS loses. Too bad Blanco will have to miss the opening round of the U.S. Open Cup in 2009. I'm sure he's learned his lesson.

On the bright side for Crew fans, if I'm Brian McBride, do I really want to be anywhere near that cancer-riddled locker room for my reunion tour? We've still got a locker for ya in Columbus, Brian. Don't take the dust covers off of the couch and chairs in the Chicago home just yet.

Wait, how many titles did they win again?

2008-07-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I was at Crew Stadium for the Crew Reserves MASSIVE beatdown of "legendary" side Independiente. After seeing the amount of comments/homophobic statements/bomb threats that Ryan's post generated, I figured I would see thousands of scarlet-clad supporters swaying from the steel-girded upper and lower decks of CCS.

Instead, I think I counted 5 people wearing red. It actually may have been one family. So, apparently, Independiente fans can't be bothered to stop their usual pastime (googling "Independiente" and jerking it to the results) to come and actually support their club, because they certainly weren't at the game. Boca Juniors fans, these guys ain't.

The Crew did however manage to throttle the Independiente reserves 2-1, thanks to great finishes by Robbie Rogers and Jason Garey. The Argies can say that they didn't play their full squad, but neither did the Crew. Maybe we could win 15 championships if we played in Argentina. After all, we still have the best player in the history of Argentine football playing for the Crew.

OK, so now that I've made every Independiente blogger's head explode, let's have a good ol' fashioned recap of the actual game:

- Core Elenio didn't look too bad. Lots of hustle, I could see him being a poor man's Alejandro Moreno.

- Ekpo walked off in the 23rd minute with some kind of injury. No word on how bad it was.

- Andy Iro had a nice lovetap to give to one of the Reds, sending him crashing into the signboards in front of the Nordecke. I think he needs to do that more often. He could be nasty if he decides to be mean.

- Lenhart, Pierre-Louis, and Junge are all very raw. But Pierre-Louis assisted on Garey's goal, and Lenhart had some opportunities. Still the Crew were very limited offensively for the stretch in the first half where Ekpo came out and Rogers was not yet subbed in (Robbie was subbed in at half-time).

- The keeper for Independiente? Fabian Assmann.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my next new favorite transfer target for any MLS team to get? It's this guy. With a name like Assmann, he's perfectly built to be harrassed by the Nordecke. I pray to God he gets a deal with DC, just so we can fully unleash the hate.

To give you an example, myself, Jehrico, and about 5 others started yelling "You suck, Assman!" whenever Assmann had a goal kick. Also, there was some humming of the the "Batman" theme from the 60's TV show, while of course replacing key lyric with "Ass Man!" Imagine if we had a whole week to prepare!!!

- Speaking of funny stories, Jehrico was telling me he had trouble Google mapping how far it is to get to Buenos Aires from Columbus. He said the site wouldn't work it out because their are dirt roads in the way. This led to us pretending to imitate what a TomTom would sound like being taken through one of those areas. Quite funny. You should have been there.

- I got stopped by a reporter from the Other Paper for tips on how to write an interesting article on the Crew.

Just kidding. He stopped me to ask about the Nordecke, so maybe there will be a feature about it tomorrow or next week? For those not in the know, the Other Paper is like the artsy-independent paper in town. Kind of the Megadeath to the Dispatch's Metallica. Plus it's free, so that's nice.

- I bought some new running shoes, which of course are Black and Gold. I did wear them to the game, and the Crew won. They'll be coming with me to wherever I watch the RSL game this week.

-Finally can anyone tell me who this is?

If you guessed former Akron Zips player and current Crew trialist Devin McKenney, you're probably his mom. For crying out loud, he didn't even have a name on the back of his kit. Apparently he's getting quite the trial here with the Crew: a whole 2 minutes, plus stoppage time, of a friendly? Calm down there, Sigi, let's not rush him out there or anything...

Also, if you google his name, the first thing that comes up is his Facebook page. So, wish him luck I guess.

Silly Game Preview will be up later today or tomorrow.

Morning Afterthoughts: Worshipping a False God.

2008-07-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

I know it's Sunday, and many of you good Hooligans duly celebrated your Sabbath on Saturday, doing no work, and worshipping at the Church of Lamar as the Crew came back to earn a point against the evil Chicago F*re 2-2. Last night at that fabled steel shrine, in the absence of Pope Sigmund the Round, we saw many sins committed: lazy defending on the part of Deacons O'Rourke and Iro, officiating that was inconsistent and willfully ignorant, even the atrocious no-no, committed by Cardinal Warzycha, of subbing out a defender for...Lord, forgive me in advance... a FORWARD!

As the Crew faithful sing Hallelujahs about our comeback tie-almost-win-thingy, many are exalting the praises of one Emmanuel. And to be sure, Saint Ekpo is worthy; his passion and speed have ignited this team over the last few months. But many of the brethren are commiting an act of blasphemy by not acknowledging the one true savior:

And they will call him "Guille."

Last night, with a coniving, deformed, soothsayer of a false prophet on the other side of the pitch, Guillermo Barros Schelotto showed why the teams he has played on have reached the promised land 15 times during his professional career. He showed while magic and coniving can get one so far (you listening, Blanco?), true heart and wisdom will persevere at the end of the day. He showed that where there is nothing, he can create something.

Fortunately, we don't have to rely on hearsay and rumor to confirm the wonders of Guille. We have video proof:

Guille takes a free kick and comes within a foot of putting in a goal of the week.

Guille with another near GOTW. This play was headed nowhere, yet Guille nearly puts in a miracle.

Guille finds a wide open Chad Marshall in the box. Marshall should get 40 lashings for missing such a simple goal.

Guille fools everyone but Hejduk on a beautifully weighted pass, which Hejduk and Miglioranzi nearly tuened into the winner.

After taking the ball of a F*ire foot, Schelotto nearly draws a PK. Guille giveth AFTER taking away.

By the way, did I mention Guille provided the assists on both goals? He now leads the league, with 8 assists on the season.

Many have been led astray by false prophets (Blanco, Beckham, even an "Angel"), but as for me and my house, we will stand with Guillermo. Clearly, the best player on the field Saturday night was wearing Black and Gold.

Thank God.

Smitty's Silly Game Preview: Chicago F*re

2008-07-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

A full-fledged, unabashed, Smitty's Silly Game Preview? Like the Weezer song and this absurd Frankie Hejduk rumor, say it ain't so! This week the Crew will be looking to light up some roman candles, bottle rockets, and sidewinders (just don't call them "f*reworks"...) against the inbred filth from Chicago. And maybe on this proud 4th of July, you're looking for someone to light your fuse? Whatever you do, get all your smokebombs and poppers out of your system before heading into Crew Stadium, but please bring your red, white, and blue streamers to the House that Lamar Built. FSC wants a good show...

CHICAGO F*IRE

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Cuauhtemoc Blanco is a pretentious little ass, and not just because of all the whining and diving he does on the pitch; his name is an affront to readers all over the world. Two "U"s? Who the hell does this guy think he is?

Word has it though that Blanco is Schelotto's "Buiutch".

NEW ADDITIONS: Jon Busch, former Crew keeper, was rumored to have one of the larger Mo Johnstons in MLS. However, due to leaving the Massive club last year, he was forced to have some "corrective surgery." His new team nickname is "Slot".

BIGGEST HOLES TO FILL: Sooooooooooooooo not going there...

2008 PREDICTION: Millions of fans will suddenly realize the severe political incorrectness of naming a Chicago team after one of the city's worst tragedies and demand the F*re change their name. After much deliberation, the team will be known as the "Ferris Bueller's Day Off(Side)".

Match Preview here.

GAME PREDICTION: Not making one, though with The Polish Rifle Bob Warzycha (and for those not in the know, it's "var-ZEE-ha") at the helm, I think the Crew will put forth an effort our forefathers could be proud of. If they would've known and understood the game of soccer, that is.

Top Flight Security

2008-06-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my last post about the security at last night's Crew game caused a lengthy thread over on Big Soccer. Point goes to me, I guess. Anyway, I was trying to think how best I could sum up my thoughts on the CSC guards, when I remembered one of my favorite movies, Friday After Next. Obviously, it was the weakest of the Friday movies, but I still found it funny.

In the movie, career underachievers Craig (Ice Cube) and Dede (Mike Epps) have to get jobs, and do so as security guards. Top Flight Security guards, no less. And one of the two decides to make the most of his newfound power.

(NSFW language, by the way)

Whice one of these guys do you think is CSC material?

No mo' Nico...

2008-06-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Nico Hernandez was waived this afternoon by the Crew. Mitchell's blog has confirmed the fact, but has not explained the why. Here's what we know:

- Hernandez would have made $99,999.96 this season, and that contract would have been guaranteed starting Tuesday.

- Brian Bliss recently took a trip down to South America.

- The Crew's only forwards that have seen significant time are Mr. Seven Nation Army, Jason Garey, and the Cabbage Patch Skinhead. Not much depth there.

With the Olymipics coming up, and with Rogers and Ekpo sure to be swiped away for that length of time, the Crew are going to be left with two slow, aging attackers (Moreno and Schelotto) a midfield of Eddie Gaven, Brad Evans, Brian Carrol, Duncan Oughton, and a back line of Marshall, O'Rourke/Iro, Frankie and whoever can stay healthy at left back.

Are the Crew getting ready to make add a couple of players, seeing how they also released Guiherme So' this week? Let's hope so.

Morning Afterthoughts: Crew are "Ekpo"-nentionally Better.

2008-06-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

(Photo courtesy of G. Bertram/ Getty)

The Crew got goals from Guillermo Barros Schelotto (off a PK earned by Moreno) and Emmanuel Ekpo, who got his first MLS goal in stunning fashion, putting in a solo effort for the game winner. Here are some random thoughts I had while watching the game.

- 30:21. That was the first time I bothered to look up at the scoreboard in the first half. I am a perpetual scoreboard watcher, usually checking every three to four minutes to see where we are in the half, how long it's been since we've had a shot, things like that. Today, the Crew dominated possession in the first half and played very entertaining football for the first half hour of the match. Sadly, they did not get results in the first half, but the 2-1 victory was fair, if a little closer than it should have been.

- "Moreno REALLY looks slow." And just as I thought that, he made two guys miss and earned the penalty. He's not fast, but his work rate is unbeatable and he is very savvy. I just have to adjust my preferences to fit this team; we have speed (Rogers, Expo, Hejduk) on the edges and workhorses (Marshall, Moreno, Carrol) in the middle of the field. I like to see more speed through the middle of the park, but this team works with what they have. Sigi is getting this team to win even while missing some of the guys he brought in to help.

- "Why is that guy in the US Natty Team Jersey dragging people out of the section?" This guy ran past me three or four times, a couple of times nearly knocking me over, to go get some of the smoke bombers. I asked him why he felt like he had to be such a boyscout, and he told me he was undercover security. I asked him to see his badge and he told me to "f#ck off". So that was nice. Later, though, I did confirm that he works with the CSC with one of their uniformed employees. I then told her that he should wear some ID so someone doesn't haul off and hit him for being a jackass. She nodded her head in agreement.

Just an FYI to all the fans in the Nordecke: the Crew FO so appreciates your business that they are now committing 4 CPD officers, 10 CSC guards, undercover agents, and the ever-trusty spy cams sitting on the lighting grid. I guess I didn't realize Crew Stadium was making so much bank at the gate that they could start affording to terrorize their best fans with all the paranoia-inducing, Big Brother kind of security they seem to be using now. Maybe we should come up with a secret handshake or something...

Also, kudos to the security guard for being the douchebag who doesn't have Crew gear, so he wears any soccer-related item he can find. I love it when I see fans walking around in Brazil or Chelsea kits at Crew Stadium. No, really, I do.

- "Is Iro-O'Rourke really better than "O'Rourke-Junge?" I think so, but Iro still needs a lot of work. Due to his height, he obviously is very good in the air, and can be strong with the forwards. But he needs to work on his positioning and fouls. Both can be corrected, especially in a rookie. Sadly, I think Sigi will put O'Rourke back in the middle once we're back to full strength.

And finally:

- "EKPO!!!!! WHAT A GOAL!!!!" When I saw him take the ball through what seemed like 92 defenders and STILL beat the keeper, I was so stunned/amazed/excited all I could do was laugh. I could not cheer, or scream, or do anything other than go "Wow!" and laugh. Truly an amazing goal.

But now, we must forget about the Dick's from Colorado, as it is now time for Chicago week. That's right. Two huge Eastern Conference foes are throwing down in my town halfway through the season to see who is going to be in the driver's seat for the 2nd half of the season to get a playoff position. Here's hoping we exploit every injury the Fire have and annihilate them 5-0.

Saturday Update: Schelotto in 2009?

2008-06-28T08:50:00.001-07:00

Just read this excellent article about Guillermo from the Dispatch. And one particular passage stood out to me:

How much longer will Schelotto go on?

"This year and the next, for sure," said Schelotto, who is in the second and final year of his contract. Asked whether he is in contract negotiations, Schelotto, who last winter hinted that he wanted to return to Argentina, grinned.

"My thought is to stay here with the Crew," he said.

Told his most talented player was considering another season, Schmid grinned, too. "I've heard that," he said. "That's not a problem."

Is it too much to ask? Would we still want him next year? I say yes, but only if he plays like he has in the Chivas and L.A. games, and not the way he played during our 4 game losing streak.

Smitty's (abbreviated) Silly Game Preview

2008-06-26T20:42:00.001-07:00

I've been debating on whether or not to return to doing the Silly Game Preview. You see, for the past two weeks, I've been waist deep in home improvement projects and work, both of which having prevented me from posting the preview. During the same two weeks, the Crew have taken 4 points in two road matches and scored 6 goals after not scoring any for 4 straight. Am I saying that the Crew have been so angered by not seeing a silly game preview, they've been playing a level or two up to make me put away time to do the Silly Game Preview?

Of course.

But I've wondered if doing a preview will jinx the good mojo the Crew seem to have going over these last few weeks. I was honestly thinking of just not doing one this week, to see if we can get back to winning at home. Then, out of nowhere, the mythical soccer gods I don't believe in provided a path for me...

I was looking for some good Crapids material to post, a funny picture I could photshop, anything to get me in the creatively funny direction. While searching for a picture of Pablo Mastroeni, I came across some of the most brutally disturbing pictures I have ever seen. They were taken by the New York Times back in 2002, and they feature some of the greatest soccer products America has produced, wearing God-only-knows what posing in a way that would make Richard Simmons mudwrestling with Sigfried and Roy seem like average heterosexual activity.

See cases in point, complete with nicknames:

Brian "Blueboy" McBride

Kasey "Come Hither" Keller

Clint "Wanna Tap This?" Mathis

Cobi "Spread Eagle" Jones

And finally, the picture that started it all off:

Pablo "My Ass Now Ready" Mastroeni

Seriously, how did I go for 6 years without seeing this? And how did these guys end up being the best WC team the US fielded in over 50 years? Does this in some way diminish what they did on the field?

One thing is certain: The soccer gods I don't believe in made no doubt about the fact that I am not meant to writer a Silly Game Preview, because I may possibly be projectile vomiting and crying the rest of the night.

Still, while I go search for eye, brain, and heart bleach, here are the basics:

Game Preview here. This one is the FSC Game of the week. So set them DVRs.

My prediction: It's time for Ekpo. He gets his first goal, and Big Willie styles to another clean sheet, after a terrible performance against L.A.

Crew win 2-0, Toronto wins 3-2, and Sigi coaches the MLS All-Star Team to a bunkertastic draw.

The Return: Smitty's Morning Afterthoughts.

2008-06-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

Schelotto draws the Crew level. (AP Photo/Danny Moloshok)

As some of you may have noticed, I have not been posting very regularly over the last couple of weeks. This has mainly been to a Massive home improvement project I'm working on, as well as some internet outage.

However, as an atonement for my lax posting and missing my Silly Game Preview the last few weeks, I have decided to do a running blog of my Morning Afterthoughts from rewatching the game. I haven't done that in a while, mainly because it takes about 4 hours to watch a full game, because of all the pausing and writing. Not complaining, just saying, I'm doing this for you. Really.

As Michael Bluth would famously say, "Here we go..."

Soundtrack: Weezer - Make Belive
Beverage: Sam Adams Irish Red
Mood: Relaxed

PREGAME

Welcome to the Home Depot Center! It has been quite the oven in L.A. this week, and in describing the field temps, our two intrepid Gals announcers have the following exchange:

Announcer 1: "Tonight's temperature is 89 degrees, and a humidity of 39%. I went to junior college for 5 years, does that mean it's going to be sticky?"

Announcer 2: "I think it's going to be pretty sticky out there. These guys will get a lather worked up pretty quickly, out there in between the lines."

Number one, that sounds disgusting. And number two, if this is what passes for "sticky" heat in L.A., then I'm done listening to West Coast types complain about heat. Come to Columbus when it's 90 degrees and 90% humidity, and tell me about "sticky".

Also, did anyone else see, "You don't mess with the Zohan?" It was sticky as well.

FIRST HALF:

2:28 - Guillermo Barros Schelotto takes his first corner kick, and places it completely on the other side of the box. Just out of curiosity, if Guille keeps hitting thses crosses so far wide, shouldn't we stick someone back there?

3:25 - Poor clearance by the Crew almost leads to the first Galaxy chance. Chad Marshall attempts to clear the ball off the six, but Danny O'Rourke's hand gets in the way. Fortunately, the ref did not call the inadvertant palm, but the ball did sit in the box for what seemed like a minute before O'Rourke cleared out to the side.

3:41 - And the poor defense continues. David Beckam sends in a cross, which causes William Hesmer to come off his line to attempt a save. The ball skips of Hasmer's fingertips, leaving Donovan alone with the ball and an open net. 1-0 L.A.

I'm still not sure what Hesmer was complaining about. Beckham's dead-on cross off a side volley drew Hesmer out, and he and Donovan collided mid air, but it was a 50-50 ball. Unless Hesmer was complaining that he was distracted by Donovan's odd hairline, he really didn't have an argument.

5:59 - Speaking of hair, we get our first closeup of Mr. Hydrogen Peroxide himself, Abel Xavier. My wife watched this game with me last night, and asked me three times if Xavier had some kind of weird diease.

6:25 - Nico Hernandez takes the 3rd Crew corner of the game, with much the same result as the previous two: nothing. As for his hair, let's just say that Hernandez looks like he hasn't had a shower ever.

7:25 - Guille gets clocked by Mike Randolph. I believe that defensive tactic is typically referred to as "the slamdance."

7:49 - On the ensuing freekick, the Gals announcer says "Here's where Columbus is dangerous.." Umm...since when? We are watching the same Crew team, right?

9:25 - Ladies and gentleman, your reality check on Ryan Junge. As David Beckham brings the ball down the right, Junge sits on him and leaves an overlapping run for Klein wide open. Of course, Beckham plays a great ball that Klein crosses into the box, where Donovan nearly backheels for his 2nd goal. Very, very aestetically pleasing soccer by the Galaxy.

16:16 - Just a thought, as Will Hesmer takes a goal kick: How about we go down Robbie Rogers' side once or twice, eh?

19:20 - Hey, what do you know? Robie Rogers gets his first real touch in the offensive third, and we get a corner. Fascinating, this stuff called "strategy".

20:58 - Nicolas Hernandez plays a smart ball over the top to Moreno, who has acres to run at goal. As he gets near goal, he shakes a closing Galaxy defender, leaving him within 10 yards and only the keeper between him and tieing the game up 1-1. Instead, Moreno crosses to a mass of 37 L.A. defenders, who clear the ball for a Crew corner.

I'm sorry. I meant CREEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW CORNER!

22:28 - Beckham hits one from 30 yards out that nearly beats Hesmer. Fortunately, it was about 3 feet too high, and ended up a goal kick.

Also, according to Posh Spice, it's one of the few times in life Becks has been accused of being "too long".

23:06 - Great play off the goal kick. Schelotto gets a lucky bounce and scoots into the box, where he put what looks like an errant shot across the goal face. Thing is, Robbie Rogers came storming in and gets the ball about two feet off the line, causing Cronin to make a diving save.

As a side note, I like how Robbie slammed the ball home after it had clearly gone out of bounds. Keep shooting Robbie, you'll be leading the league in goals soon enough.

24:47 - Schelotto gets slammed in the back of the leg by Sean Franklin, just outside the penalty area. Danny O'Rourke shouldn't feel bad, as L.A. has quite a few guys who commit very stupid fouls in and around the penalty area.

26:02 - The L.A. Announcers (which by the way, would be an awesome band name) just made the astute point that Schelotto's free kick, which was about two feet wide, was taken at such an angle that it would have been better to have a left footed player take the shot. Unfortunately, the Crew really don't have a lefty with the accuracy of a guy like Schelotto or Becks, save for maybe Gino Padula.

Though he only played in a few games, I remember thinking, "When Gino gets fully into form and learns how the team plays, he's going to be very good on offense as well as defense." Let's hope he gets back soon.

28:51 - Robbie Rogers was two steps behind Chris Klein, but ended up running around Klein and getting in front to force an errant cross. Speed kills and Robbie has it in spades, which I think means "shovel-fulls". Whatever.

29:42 - Beckham with another gorgeous cross, and this time Buddle gets on the end of it, all alone in the box, but shoots just wide.

In case your keeping track, the "Shoulda Been" score is now 2-1 (the Crew's goal either from Moreno's cross or Schelotto's cross).

31:30 - Franklin, Duke of Hedjes was very lucky not to get his 5th yellow (and auto suspension) for a poor challenge on the right side. Say what you want about the challenge, but it was right of Mr. Mark Geiger to keep the yellow in his pocket. Frankie Hejduk is still National Team and the capitain of the Massive Columbus Crew. Players like that deserve the benefit of the doubt once in a game, and Frankie got it. Good no call.

34:00 - The first real HOLY S*** sequence that didn't result in a goal against the Crew. Ante Jazic sends a ball into the box that gets knocked around until Edson Buddle ends up with it at his feet inside the penalty area. Brad Evans literally runs Buddle over, a play that clearly could have been called a foul, and thus a penalty, but no call is made.

Play continues, and the ball is crossed in, where Frankie Hejduk attempts a clear, only it lands at the feet of Landon Donovan inside the box again. Landy-cakes makes a clear mistake and shoots three feet wide of a completely empty far post.

Shoulda Been Scoreboard: LA 3 Crew 1.

39:55 - Beckham and Pires challenge Schelotto for a header. Only problem is, they both lead with their elbows, and the Argentine does what he does best: draw fouls. Sadly, this one was on Pires; it easily could have been on Beckham.

41:24 - Schelotto with another good series of moves to get through 3 defenders and put a cross in. He goes through people quicker than a Tabasco and chile sammich.

43:03 - Herbalife is the sponsor on the HDC video board, as well as the Galaxy jersey. Explain to me how they got a sponsorship for the Beckham team? You have Volkswagen, Glidden, Red Bull, and Best Buy as sponsors in this league, all very large corporations. Is Herbalife that big? Aren't they the company I always see people advertising on the back of their car windows? Somone needs to explain this to me.

43:40 - Nicolas Hernandez, whose nickname is now Vincent Vega, sends a nice ball into space for Robbie Rogers, who just misses a nice chip in goal over the head of Cronin.

Should Been Scoreboard, brought to you by Herbalife: LA 3 Crew 2.

44:47 - The Crew wait for what seems like a minute to get the ball on a throw in, which brings up a really annoying trend in MLS: ballkids who don't know how to throw a ball at players asking for it. I don't know if the problem is not enough balls sitting around outside the pitch, or the kids not having a clue about soccer, but either way, MLS needs to get more balls or smarter kids. Maybe they can have a Wonderlic test for the little tykes.

45:59 - Whistle. Halftime. Real score 1-0 LA. Shoulda Been Score: 3-2 LA. Really, the score holds up either way.

HALFTIME: On his way to the locker room. Landon Donovan gets asked by the sideline reporter how the Gals can improve in the 2nd half, and he responds with this:

"Well, we've been creating chances, but the problem is we're giving up some stupid balls in the back. If we can cut those out it makes it easier for us."

So, if you're keeping score at home on the Landon Donovan Checklist, we've already got:

- Scoring a cheap goal
- Missing a sitter
- Throwing his teammates under the bus

And it's only the first half! All we need now is "stamping feet in anger" and "not really celebrating because he didn't score the goal" and we'll go 5-5. I feel good about our chances.

SECOND HALF

46:00 - And just like that, it's 2-0. Edson Buddle makes Danny O'Rourke look more like an L.A. Galaxy defender, breezing by him and burying a knuckleball shot past Will Hesmer. Great goal by Buddle. He may finally be coming into his own. Then again, we said that about 10 times during his career when he was in Columbus, only to see him never quite live up to it. But on this L.A. team, where he doesn't have to be the focal point of the offense, he's doing very well.

Shoulda Been Score: 4-2 LA.

Also, I didn't see Donovan anywhere near the celebration. Check.

47:20 - I was looking for some razor blades and emo CDs at this point watching the game. Not a good feeling.

48:18 - Franklin Hejduk sends a nifty ball up the sideline for Mr. Seven Nation Army. Moreno beats his man and gets off a shot, but it was an easy save for Cronin. If Moreno crosses that ball, he hits a "Oh my God, I can't believe how wide open I am" Robbie Rogers, who buries it in the back of the net.

Ah, what the hell: Shoulda Been Scoreborad, presented by wishful thinking: 4-3 LA.

49:15 - Moreno gets ANOTHER shoulder/handball call, his 2nd of the game in 3rd in the last 3 games. He knows you can't do that, right?

52:40 - A cross by Schelotto and header by Marshall leaves the ball at Moreno's feet inside the six with no one between him and goal. Unfortunately, his one touch goes wide.

Should Been Scoreboard, now presented with 100% confidence: 4-3 LA.

54:40 - Nico Hernandez uncorks one from the top of the 18, but it goes just wide left. Not a bad effort though.

56:10 - Robbie Rogers pulls the same move on an LA defender that Edson Buddle did earlier to score his goal, chipping the ball around the right of the defender, and going left around the defender to beat him to it. The difference is, Rogers was near the left touch line, while Buddle was within 15 feet of the goal.

The kid has good crossing skills, and his defense is solid, but if we could add one more midfielder with some defensive abilities, Robbie Rogers should be our other forward in a 4-4-2. He is just too good to leave him outside serving balls into an empty box.

56:55 - Chad Marshall does well once again with a corner, putting it on frame where it's stopped by a defender. Only problem is, the defender was Ryan Junge. Junge was like Michael Jackson at a Kids 'R' Us half-off sale: Wrong place, wrong time.

The good thing is, Columbus is attacking very well.

61:24 - Nicolas Hernandez sends another good ball over the top to the hard-charging Moreno. Moreno gets in one-on-one with Cronin, but the puts the shot well wide to the far post.

As a veteran forward, Moreno MUST do better with that. No excuse to miss that wide. Cronin did a good job of cutting down the angle, but that was poorly shot. Also, any thoughts that maybe Hernandez should be playing in the Adam Moffat or Eddie Gaven roles? He's laid a few nice passes in over the top during this game.

Oh also - Should Been Scoreboard: 4-4

62:40 - The L.A. Color Announcer (not such a good band name) just said that Columbus is slightly better than San Jose, but just barely.

I realize the West Coast guys can't seem to grasp that life happens outside of California, Washington and Oregon, and that the Crew just lost to San Jose 2-0, but good God Almighty, let's be realistic. The Crew are 2nd in the East, while San Jose in the worst team in MLS with only 11 points on the season. The table doesn't lie. Please keep this in mind.

65:21 - Robbie Rogers nearly beats Cronin from outside the 18, as the ball deflects off an LA defender. It's not going on the Should Been Scoreboard, but it was close.

66:30 - Alejandro Moreno gets his head on a Guille cross. The ball bounces off the face of Pires, and to the feet of Brad Evans, who nearly rips the net in half with his side volley. 2-1 Crew!!!

Shoulda Been Scoreboard: 5-4 Crew.

Can we tell Brad Evans that Crew Stadium is actually in California? In three Cali games this season, Brad has both of his goals. Someone needs to get that memory zapper stick from Men In Black...

68:09 - Another close up of Brad Evans cast a weird shadow on his face, and it caused me to stumble onto a revelation: Brad Evans would look badass with a mustache. Just throwin' that out there.

70:01 - Robbie Rogers puts Chris Klein in a terrible position, and Klein fouls Rogers in the box, setting up the penalty. Great move by Rogers. Sigi, if you read this, please put Robbie up top. I'll buy you ice cream sundays for the rest of the season.

A great thing about this foul was that the L.A. Announcers had just finished talking about how Chris Klein never makes costly mistakes. Haha.

Also, as soon as this penalty occured. I knew two things:

1. Guille was taking it
2. He would bury it straight up the middle.

Guille will almost always put the PK dead center under the crossbar.

And he did both. Crew tie it up 2-2. SBS: 6-4 Crew.

74:30 - Beckham sends a cross to Donovan, who croses it into the six, only to be swept away by Chad Marshall. Keen touch there by Marshall, who has scored an own goal doing that kind of clearance in front of the goalmouth.

74:55 - On the ensuing corner, Alan Gordon nearly put the Crew back down by a goal, as he hits a header just wide of the goal. So close in fact, that the LA Announcers thought it went in, and paused to double check. It's not going on the SBS (Shoulda Been Scoreboard) because Willie had it covered. I think.

75:37 - Nico Hernandez comes off for Mr. Asuza Pacific, Steven Lenhart. Can't decide to make a Truffle Shuffle or Cabbage Patch joke here, so I'll go with neither for now.

77:15 - Anyone else ever notice that when Alejandro Moreno walks, he looks like someone walking barefoot over a hot surface?

79:16 - I stand corrected: The L.A. Announcers are saying that Gordon had a goal waved off for a shove in the box. Umm...no. Five minutes and 3 replays later, they have no idea the shot was wide of the net and never went in, regardless of the foul. Pity, I thought these guys were OK up until this point.

80:14 - Landon Donovan doesn't like the call against Edson Buddle for elbowing Chad Marshall in the head, and firmly shakes his head in disgust. The camera was too high, but I'm pretty positive there was a minor footstamp as well. Can we get X-Mo to confirm, please?

81:50 - David Beckham dives like a Navy Submarine, and draws a PK in the box.

Regardless of the fact that it was a clear dive (if you don't belive, check the replay), how in the wolrd did Beckham get THAT wide open at the top of the box? When he received the ball, there was no one within 6 yards of him. If you're a defender and you can't find David Freaking Beckham, it might be time to look into another position. Or profession.

82:30 - In a continuing state of stupidity, the L.A. Announcers say Beckham was "taken down from behind." If by "from behind" you mean, "by stepping on Danny O'Rourke's planted foot" or "by the wind", you'd be absolutely correct.

82:34 - Dammit. Donovan buries the PK, and the Gals lead 3-2.

On the Shoulda Been Scoreboard, we're leaving that one off, because the ref should never have blown his whistle. It's still 6-4 Crew on the SBS.

86:34 - Abel Xavier takes out Robbie Rogers just outside the penalty area, drawing the yellow. Oh, if only Abel Xavier could be on every team the Crew face.

On the repaly, at first it doesn't look like Xavier did much to deserve a yellow on the initial tackle, but as he follows through, he whips his back leg around and clips Robbie Rogers. I'm guessing the ref was carding him for that, or for just having an absolutely dreadful haristyle.

87:33 - Schelotto sends it too somone (Carrol?) at the top of the box, who shoots on frame. Cronin knocks it down, but the Cabbage Patch Kid takes no time to pull the Crew level, tapping the ball home for the 3-3 tie!!! Holy Crap!!!

I loved everything about that, the shot, the way the Crew players reacted, and Lenhart standing up, puffing out his chest, and staring down all the L.A. fans. Great comeback by the Crew.

SBS is now 7-4.

89:46 - Edson Buddle passes to Beckham, who makes Ryan Junge lunge and miss, then proceeds to absolutely blow his chance 6 yards from the goal. He hit that ball about 90 feet straight up in the air. Bend it like Beckham, indeed.

In fact, we'll give that to him. Should Been Scoreboard: 7-5 Crew.

And that's how it ends. Crew 3, L.A. 3.

I have to say L.A. has clearly improved, as it seems that the entire team is learning to step up and not just rely soley on Beckham and Donovan. Buddle is looking better and better. That makes what the Crew did all the more impressive. Down two goals to a talented side on the road, the Crew fought and clawed back into it. Our young players (Rogers, Evans, Lenhart) made some key plays, and the Crew scraped together a quality tie while missing some key figures (Ekpo, Padula, Gaven).

Summer is going to be rough on the Crew, with some absences surely to follow through the Olympics and WC Qualifiers. Still, if the Crew can remain healthy, and get guys like Padula back, I think the Crew are going to be in good shape come playoff time. Also, other teams will be losing their key players for the same reasons, so it's good we're seeing signs of life from Lenhart, Evans, and others who will be around.

Next Week: Colorado.

Crewsing in Kansas City.

2008-06-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

The Columbus Crew jumped out to an early 1-0 lead and made it stand up, adding two more goals for the 3-0 drubbing of the Kansas City Wizards in KC. Chad Marshall got a goal off a corner (what a great idea!) in the 4th minute, and Alejandro Moreno added goals in the 20th and 67th to end the Crew's scoring drought in MLS matches, and put the Black and Gold back in the win column.

I don't have time to do an entire rundown (Father's Day, you know...), but here are a couple of quick thoughts:

- Man of the Match could be quite a few people, as the team overall played well last night. I'm giving it to Chad Marshall, as he scored the game winner, and provided outstanding defense once again in the back. As long as there are no more cobwebs, Chad should be getting some NT callups soon. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets a coach's pick for the All-Star game.

- Alejandro Moreno had two very quality goals tonight. Of course, the first one came more because Kevin Hartman sucks, but the shot was still beautiful. Kudos to Danny O'Rourke for the nice pass on that goal. And the 2nd was pure class. If you watch the replay, Harmtan actually takes two looks to the near post to make sure he has it covered, and Moreno still beats him to that side.

- Emmanuel Ekpo showed more on defense than I expected, which is a good sign. He also did a very good job of linking up the field with our attackers, althought some of his passes in the offensive 3rd left something to be desired. And his footwork is something we haven't seen the likes of since Jeffro Cunningham.

- William Tecumseh Hesmer once again puts up the clean sheet, only this time, we score some goals for him. Good to see him on his game, and not having to save any PKs.

Scores from around the league:

- New England 2, Houston 0 (Thursday)

New England is on 26 points, so the Crew had to win tonight to keep pace.

- Toronto 3, Colorado 1
The Crew are still only two points ahead of the Canucks.

- DC 4, NYRB 1
Make no mistake, DC was never out of this race. It's a very long season, and they are only 10 points off the league lead.

- LA 3, SJ 0
Edson Buddle with a hat trick. Is there another blue moon out already?

- RSL 1, Chivas 0
Hooray mediocrity!

Today's big game:
Chicago at Dallas 3pm
Let's hope that the sister side of Dallas can do HSG a favor by kicking Chicago in the mouth, and keep the Crew firmly in 2nd place. A tie or loss for Chicago will leave Columbus in 2nd with a trip to LA next weekend.

Stolen: One Result. Lone Suspect: Referee.

2008-06-10T20:58:00.001-07:00

It wasn't as if the Crew necessarily deserved to win against the Fire on Tuesday night, but the U.S. Open Cup match was certainly not one the Crew played poorly enough to deserve to lose. Despite giving Chicago the lead twice, the Crew fought back to tie the game up. Even the announcers, clearly college students from Bradley who would not seem to have a bias, clearly thought the Crew had the best of the run of play in the 2nd half and overtime.

Unfortunately, referee Tony Russo felt it necessary to insert himself into a game that more than likely, would have been fairly decided by penalties. Instead, he called a phantom penalty on Crew keeper Will Hesmer in the 2nd half of extra time, as he came out on Andy Herron and tried to protect the goal. Herron touched the ball away from the goal, the only way he could go as Hesmer had the goal covered. Yet, a foul was issued, even though Herron clearly had not earned it, and Hesmer had done nothing wrong.

The result became final when Herron put the PK in against his former team, with Chicago winning by the 3-2 margin. This is probably poetically appropriate, as the Crew saw many strong chances turned away by the excellent goal keeping of one John Busch. Many will never forgive Busch for flipping the fans off last year when he returned to Crew stadium while playing for the Fire; then again, most fans might be more understanding if they knew the way the former Crew keeper was forced out of Velma Avenue (supposedly, Busch was only told he had been released on the final day before the season, and by phone no less. The walls at Superkick probably would show further evidence.)

To recap, a player Sigi Schmid cut was more than up to the task to stop the Crew, and one of the many players to sit in Sigi's dog house (Herron) stepped up to bury the Crw in overtime. Fortunately for the Crew, they will be getting a 4th round pick in the 2009 Superdraft for Herron. Oh, and they gave up the 2nd overall pick last year to get him. Keep that in mind.

But to be sure, the game was decided by the referee. Hesmer was not malicious, and Herron was not assured of a goal. Yet the referee decided to take neither fact into consideration. While Hesmer has been stellar on PK's this year, it was clearly a call that gave an advantage to a team that had not created their own all game. Also, to call a foul in that spot that late in a game on a close call is bad form by the official; if he was desperate to see a penalty kick, 3 more minutes would have brought him 10 penalties. At best, the call was not only a stretch, it was downright suspicious.

Still, the Crew can now get back to focusing on what they do best. And as soon as we all figure out what that is, we'll let you know.

In the meantime, here are a ton of hilarious reffing videos to make us all feel better.

Ref slaps a player, then nearly gets his ass kicked. Literally.

At least this guy was up front with his bias.

This ref takes no crap, however.

A game with him and Guille would be fun to watch.

Scratch that...put Guille in a game with THIS guy.

And finally, there's this guy:

Almost worth the price of admission just to have a laugh.

Dear John, Please Come Home...

2008-06-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

Seems like every week, we're trying to figure out who would look good as the next addition to the Black and Gold. This pastime becomes more frequent and necessary when the team starts losing, especially in the horrible fashion we lost last week to the Quakes. Last year, rumors of Riquelme and Palermo made us dreamers. More recently, Zurawski, Podolski, and "mythical Romanian midfielder" have made us swoon. Even a few weeks ago, there were ethereal fantasies of Brian "No, really, I still like you..." McBride coming to Columbus.

Funny that no one really was thinking this way when we were winning 6 out of the first 7.

Personally, I have posited only one name into this argument of who the Crew should go after, and that's this guy. I feel that rampant speculation and wishing only leads to more heartbreak when the seemingly impossible proves to be, in fact, impossible. But would you believe I think the Crew have a legitimate shot at a true scoring threat who had 19 goals in England last season and who has 67 goals in just over 100 caps for his national team? Believe it or not, the Crew not only have a shot at him, they already have a locker nameplate for him.

Ladies and gentlemen, the man of the hour, the person we should all be lobbying Mark McCullers, Sigi Schmid, and Brian Bliss to sign as our designated player, is named John.

Stern John.

Fresh off stints in Southampton, Sunderland, and Birmingham City, John is not an offensive-minded midfielder, or a wing-mid, or a two-way player who will get you 6-7 goals. Stern John is a true forward, nay....a STRIKER. Yes, striker. A player who really only cares about scoring, who comes to the park everyday knowing the reason he is on the team is to score goals. Believe it or not, some teams actually have these guys. And Stern John not only knows how to score, he scores in ways that absolutely demolish the other team. He gets hat tricks in the 2nd half. He scores in stoppage time. Consistently, when the team needs a goal, he finds a way to tickle the twine.

Now, before we get much further into this, I know this type of signing would darn near force Sigi into playing with two forwards, which apparently he hates to do. I can only guess he hates this approach, seeing as how we have a whole dive team of forwards sitting on the bench while Moreno gets hammered all alone at the top of the box. So to make this work for Sigi, we would need to only refer to him as "the Crew's new scoring-oriented D-mid who happens to only play in the offensive third."

Some older Crew fans know all too well what Stern John can do, because he did it here in Columbus first. In 1998, John had 26 goals for the Crew, including 7 multi-goal games. He followed it up the next year by christening the Crew Stadium grounds with 18 more goals. All in all, he had 44 goals in 55 appearances with the Black and Gold. By the way, that's two fewer games played than Eddie Gaven had at the start of this season, but 35 more goals than Gaven has for the Crew. Warrants mentioning.

If you never saw him in a Crew kit, here's one of John's masterpieces from that opening season in the House That Lamar Built:

Things I loved about this goal, which was similar to many of the goals he scored for Columbus:

- It turned zero points into one (actually three, because the Crew won that game in a shootout, back when in MLS had the "let's try to hook non-soccer fans" rules, which also included the running-down clock.) Stern John has scored clutch goals throughout his career.

- It got the entire stadium off their feet and jumping. Old people, young people, crippled people...everyone was going nuts when he hit that shot home. His goals mesmerized those crowds back in the day.

- It ripped the heart out of the opposing team. Even the broadcasters, who were San Jose locals, couldn't hide the anguish. And Joe Cannon (yes, the SAME Joe Cannon) laying prostrate on the ground will forever be burned into my gray matter.

- It was done with a cocky swagger. Stern John isn't going to out-hustle Frankie Hejduk, or out-think Brian Carrol. No, Stern John is going stand around, not track back, get caught offside, and argue with the refs. He's also going to have his collar popped, beat you with a disgusting, "I can't believe I just saw that!"-type of play, and then rip his shirt off or flex his muscles. If it were a country song, Stern John would have slept with your girlfriend, stole your dog and your truck, and even cut the strings on your guitar.

Granted, the legend of Stern John was built when he was much younger. He was 22 and 23 during his two seasons with the Crew. Still, he did just have 19 goals for a side that nearly got relegated from the Championship. Apparently, even if there isn't talent around him, he can get his goals. Also, no matter how old you get, you can't unlearn shots like this one, from 2006:

OK, so now that I've whet your appetite for the "A+" T&T forward, you're asking "How good of a shot do we have of getting him?" Well that depends on a few things, one of which we know, one we don't, and one we can reasonably surmise.

What we don't know: Does anyone in the Crew F.O. even know that this guy is still playing? Outside of Bob Rifle and Mike Lapper, I wouldn't be shocked if Sigi or McCullers scratch their heads at the mention of his name. And, I say this in the most literal sense, only God Himself knows if HSG would care to sign him for more than a couple of large Pizza Hut Pizzas even if the Crew want him.

Bottom line: We don't know what the Crew F.O. is thinking, so let's not get our hopes up just yet. But, to carry the discussion along further, let's pretend they are interested in John.

What we do know: He's going to be available, for the right price. Southampton, John's current team, is under new management. Nigel Pearson was relieved of his coaching duties and replaced by former Dutch National Teamer Jan Poortvliet, whose last name sounds like a French toilet. Typically, when there is a new coach in town, especially in Jolly Old Ingerland, they like to bring in the new blood along with the new coach. Plus, this statement from the board of Southampton may be intriguing as well:

"...The board have been looking closely at the situation on the playing side of the club whereby we are inevitably going to have to depend to a large extent on the quality of our youngsters in the academy and the reserve team. "

Not exactly a vote of confidence in the current roster, of which John is a part. And of course, we're not implying that he's gone, but if the Crew want to make an offer, you can bet Southampton would be listening. He's not young, but certainly not old, as he won't turn 32 until October of this year.

Bottom line: If you're looking to rebuild, 31 is not the age to start with. However, if you're looking for a seasoned goal scorer to ignite an already potent attack (assuming everyone is healthy), then 31 is just fine.

What we can surmise: If John was to leave England, he would want to play in Columbus. Think about it:

- He'd be closer to his family in the States and National Team in Trinidad and Tobago.

- He could make bank as a DP.

- He's 19 goals away from becoming the all-time leading goal scorer for the Crew.

- He still knows people here, and would get to work with some of his old teammates.

- He could win a championship.

Bottom Line: If John were to consider another go in MLS, Columbus would be perfect for him.

Will we get him? Who knows. But if the Crew don't sign a DP this offseason, it won't be because the Crew Nation is short on ideas.

Not in the Face! Not in the Face!

2008-06-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

As I was walking back to my car after the Crew's 2-0 loss to San Jose, I apparently picked up a tick. It's a wonder that Crew fans aren't one of the high-risk demographics for Lyme Disease, seeing how infrequently the grass is cut in the atrocious parking lots around CCS. I was more shocked than usual to pick up a tick, as I had thought all the life had already been sucked out of me during the game. But apparently, I still had something to give.

Once again, this game leaves us with more questions than answers. Below are some I still have, and may not get the answers to.

1. Are the referees in this league all slowly going blind? And if so, is it due to glaucoma? And if that is so, can they score us some weed?

Ricardo Salazar issued 21 fouls to San Jose, yet it took a 2nd yellow to draw a red card for any of the San Jose players. It took 33 minutes for San Jose to draw yellow, even though they had been hammering the Crew forwards from the outset. Brad Evans gets sent off for a foul at midfield that was a yellow at worst and his only caution; yet 5 minutes later, Eric Denton saves a sure goal by committing a similar foul on Frankie Hejduk just outside of the penalty area, and only sees yellow?

Meanwhile, Don Garber is busy watching Youtube and putting up "Wanted" posters in party supply stores. The willful ignorance this league exhibits towards it's awful officiating only underlines the hypocrisy they exhibit when they release mandates against the fans under the guise of "player safety".

Which reminds me: Can someone with some time and video-editing experience put together a video of all the fouls Robbie Rogers has suffered since he scored his 5th goal? A good song for the montage would be NIN's song "Hurt" sung by Johnny Cash.

2. Why did it take this long for Ekpo and Zayner to crack the starting lineup? And can I have some more Andy Iro?

I know Ekpo misplayed some balls on offense. But that's bound to happen when you only have less than an hour on the field with first team all season. There were plenty of times where Expo looked more dangerous than Paris Hilton driving a tanker truck full of anthrax. And Zayner, Iro, or Junge all looked like more competent options than Ezra at BOTH positions he can still barely play. Zayner was unlucky to not have MLS goal of the Week by hitting the crossbar, and Iro is much faster than advertised.

Even though we lost 2-0, San Jose had exactly TWO shots on goal, so it's not like the defense was a problem tonight. And yes, that does mean that William Tecumseh Hesmer had ZERO saves against the Quakes, completing the rarely-seen and ignominious Keeper Shutout.

So what WAS the problem? I'll answer that with another question:

3. Where did the offense of the first 7 games go?

I know, Robbie and Alejandro have been getting facefuls of turf of late. But why can't we seem to finish on the chances those fouls create?

Oh, that's right. Because outside of Moreno, we don't have a true forward on the team. And it might also have something to do with the fact that teams around the league are able to foul our speed into submission, then lay back and absorb our chances that result because we don't have anyone who has proven worthwhile at getting on the good side of one of these free kicks or crosses.

Wait, what was that noise? Was that our Designated Player slot sitting over in the corner getting moldy? Can you hear mold growing?

We were bound to swoon at some point, but it has been 367 minutes since we scored, and we've just gone scoreless against the last team we HAD previously scored against. If there is a panic button, it should be getting the "PANIC" letters worn off it at this point due to repeated pressing. Dark times to be sure, and with Padula and Moffat still on the shelf, the Crew need someone to step up. Maybe it can be Ekpo or Zayner (who hopefully earned a starting spot at LB until Padula gets healthy), but someone needs to do it. And quick.

Finally, for anyone who didn't get the title, it's a semi-obscure reference to The Tick. Here's the context:

If someone could make a "SPOON!" banner, I would be forever grateful.

Speaking of banners, there was some 10-year old kid who was taking down banners after the game. One of them was a painting that bore striking resemblance to Franklin Hedge Duke. I asked him where he got them, and he said "I made them." If anyone sees this kid at the next game, give him some money for a Mountain Dew or something.

Don W. Garber

2008-06-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today, MLS Reigning Idiot Don "DP Rules? What DP Rules...?" Garber has decided to enforce MLS' policy (yeah, as of Thursday...)that streamers are only allowed during celebrations. From the horse's ass's mouth:

"MLS has reviewed the increasingly coordinated use of streamers at some MLS stadiums to affect play, particularly as a distraction to visiting players as they attempt to take corner kicks. MLS teams will communicate to their supporter groups MLS’s existing policy – that streamers are not to be used to impact on-field competition or thrown toward a player, referee or stadium staff member. While the spontaneous use of streamers and confetti as an expression of fan enthusiasm will not be prohibited, the continued practice will be kept under review. Should issues continue regarding the use of streamers, MLS will have no option but to prohibit streamers.”

Obviously, as a chief streamer-thrower and provider, I am more than biased against this decision. However, I think we should fully adhere to the commish's wishes. In fact, here are a list of things I plan on celebrating tonight:

- Goals
- A great save
- Player intros
- The 1st minute
- The last minute
- The 2nd minute
- Corner kicks
- The 3rd minute
- Don Garber's decision to ban bottles and batteries being thrown on the field.
- The upswing in racial sensitivity at CCS.
- The stage
- The 4th minute
- The beer I drank before the game.
- The beer you drank before the game.
- Beer in general.
- Blake
- Grant
- Hard Hat Mike
- Ryan
- Jericho
- The 5th minute...

In fact, I'm so fired up by Commissioner Garber's mandate, I fully plan on making every Crew game a celebration of life. This has got to be the DUMBEST policy distinction I have ever heard. Streamers are allowed as long as we're celebrating? Well, what if I throw a celebratory streamer when Ned Grabavoy comes and takes a corner kick? How do they know I'm not celebrating the fact Grabs isn't here cloggin up our midfield anymore?

The other absurdity is that 99% of people are not going to know this because the statement came out:

1. Late on Friday night.

and

2. On a website no one reads - mlsnet.com

Of course, even if every Crew fan was forced to read the statement, it's really a moot point what Don Garber decides to ban if everyone in the section ignores him. I can't even remember how many streamers I threw two weeks ago, let alone the streamers everyone else threw. And how exactly do they expect to police this section? Do they realy think CPD wants to waste 20-50 officers on a Saturday night in the summer, when they'll most likely need to be out policing real criminals, and not douchebags who drink too much and try to hit Ronnie O'Brien in the head with crepe paper?

And even if there were 100 police officers with computer analysis and toilet paper-sniffing dogs, do they really think kicking out the best atmosphere Crew Stadium has seen in over 4 years is a GOOD thing? MLS ain't in the position to lost money from ticket buyers who can easily sit in the air conditioning and watch the games while throwing and saying whatever the hell they want. The atmosphere we've created got 600 supporters out to the U.S. Open Cup match in the corner. Last year, we would have had 70-80 max. People don't just come to the games for the game; they come for the atmosphere.

I encourage non-violent protest against overbearing governmental organizations when necessary. Since MLS is a governing body, and since, the last time I checked, you can't assault someone with streamers, no matter how many you throw, I encourage you to grab your friends, a handful of streamers, and continue to proceed as planned. And I can promise you this: the moment I get kicked out of Crew Stadium for throwing a streamer, they won't have to ban me. I won't be back.

Smitty's Silly Preview - Game 11: San Jose

2008-06-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

If MLS were a hospital, and the Crew were a patient, the appropriate medical diagnosis to describe the Crew's lineups of late would have to be something along the lines of "herpes". You can live with it, but it definitely decreases your chances of scoring. But the boys are returning home, and if Don Garber truly were a doctor, one would have to assume he couldn't prescribe any better rehabilitation for the Crew than a game against San Jose.

Oh and speaking of doctors and medical and such, Moffat could be out for the season, and Padula isn't back to health yet. Good times.

SAN JOSE

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Kai Kamara, the latest flaming douche to join the ranks of other Crew enemies like Razov, Joseph, Heaps, and Moreno, will not be playing this weekend, due to a national team call up for Sierra Leone. Some will say the SL National Team can beat Nigeria, but frankly, I don't think they have a leg to stand on.

Oh, and speaking of douchebags, let's not forget former Crew player and current San Jose player Eric Denton, who once famously flipped off Columbus fans while he was still playing for the Black and Gold. And yes, I just linked back to my own article.

NEW ADDITIONS: The Quakes gave John Cunliffe some playing time last week, and it seemed he did well. Also, San Jose just purchased a few more lawn chairs, bringing the full capacity of Buck Shaw Stadium to 74.

BIG HOLES TO FILL: Well-meaning San Jose players will still be trying to fill the net at Crew Stadium. Unfortunately, there will be more balls on the CCS stage than if the Crewzers all turned out to be transvestites. Speaking of, (Crewzers, not transvestites), let's hope the Girls in Gold all have medical coverage in the off case that Ned Grabavoy lines up a free kick.

2008 PREDICTION: San Jose will win another game this season. Maybe.

(Sadly, many of you don't realize how flimsy of a limb that truly is.)

Match preview here.

GAME PREDICTION: With Moffat and Padula out, and with the Crew having not scored since, well, the last time we played San Jose, Sigi finally gets off his ass and erases the lineup he's been putting up on the whiteboard these last three weeks. Out comes Evans and EZ, in comes Ekpo, Junge, and Lenhart, the Crew go with a 3-man back line, and win 5-0. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

In all seriousness, I do believe Robbie Rogers takes out some frustrations on San Jose, and the Crew win a nailbiter 3-2.

El Stinko

2008-06-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

By Smitty

Ezra Hendrickson is not enthused about the way the Crew have played the last two weeks.

The Crew came to Los Angeles apparently thinking they were about to have a pillow fight. That's the only explanation I can think of to explain why the Black and Gold came out and looked shocked that Chivas was running at them with a soccer ball at their feet. And sadly, the Crew could not withstand the barrage, falling 2-0 to the Goats. This game left me with more questions than answers, and could have resulted in a terrible hangover had I not extricated myself from the alcohol when I did. Below are some questions that keep ringing in my head, and the answers as I see them.

1. Why does Sigi seem to play for a tie on the road, and how can the Crew improve away from home?

This actually goes back long before Sigmund was the coach of the Crew. In fact, it's one of the reasons that got his ass fired at L.A. when they were at the top of the league. Sigi Schmid, for some unknown reason, is more than willing to bunker down and take the tie on the road. My guess is that The Rotund One leans on his strategy that his team should win at home and tie on the road, and takes anything more than a point on the road as icing on the cake.

Unfortunately, when your team hasn't scored in two games and all but 80 minutes of the third, bunkering down doesn't help re-light that scoring spark. And as Jericho so astutely pointed out on last week's podcast, it is impossible to win a game in which a goal is not scored for your team. Maybe Sigmund was hoping for Guzan to whiff on a goal kick, and the wind that blows through Guillermo's Mullet to somehow nudge the ball backwards into the net. But his current strategy of having Robbie, Moreno, and a bunch of honest-to-God midfielders isn't working, especially when teams have learned Robbie Rogers can't run past them if he's lying in a heap.

Answer: Change up the formations, and be more agressive against teams we've beaten. Defensively, we actually played BETTER than we did the first time with Chivas (only 2 goals instead of 3), but offensively, we need to be more agressive.

2. Why do guys who have consistently underperformed (Gaven, Ezra, Evans) continue to get PT while exciting young players (Moffat, Ekpo, Junge) sit on the bench?

This one again goes back to Sigi. I could scarcely belive Moffat was full 90 fit for that Open Cup match against RSL, yet there he was, only 4 weeks after having his cartilage stitched up. So why did he only enter as a 2nd-half sub on Saturday night? If they were unsure of his fitness, why not play him for only a half against Salt Lake? You have to put the best players on the field for league matches, and last night that was clearly not done.

As far as Eddie Gaven goes, I have defended him, but he is slowly turning into D-Mid at best material. I don't think you can justify putting him on the wing when he shows little effort to get forward. And even the times that he does, like in the New England game, his efforts in and around the box are not worth the time to document.

There's even less that's worth writing about Ezra Hendrickson's ability to perform even minimal duties on a soccer pitch.

Answer: Because of injuries and Danny O'Rourke's red card-induced suspension, the Crew are going to be very shorthanded against San Jose next weekend. If I'm Sigi, I get out my whiteboard, put Eddie Gaven in Brian Carrol's position, move Carrol to center back, and put Ekpo on the wing, and Junge at left back. I also encourage Ezra Hendrickson to take a long vacation. Then when Danny and Padula get back, I put Eddie on the bench, Ekpo on the wing, and set my DVR to record what would certainly be a scoring barrage.

3. Should we as Crew Nation be mad at Danny O'Rourke?

Answer: No. Danny got hacked in the box on that second goal, and the referees continue to turn a blind eye to some of our best players getting fouled, specifically Robbie Rogers. Trust me, Danny's foul on Atiba Harris was deserved (direct retaliation for the cheap goal and excessive celebration), well-timed (San Jose next week), and it had been building LOOOOONG before this game. If MLS doesn't sit some of these officials down and get them to call the games a little more fairly, you had better believe that guys like Frankie Hejduk and Adam Moffat will continue to take matters into their own hands to protect our players.

4. Are the Crew as good as their record indicates?

Answer: Yes. Say what you want about the last two weeks, but 19 points on 10 matches is fine with me. I really wanted to see us above 20 points before May was out, but that was just being greedy. While I have bemoaned this lack of scoring, we have been without some key players during this frigid stretch. Once everyone is back to full health, I believe the Crew will be a mid to upper level team. If we can add a proven striker, we're best in the league.

5. Can the Crew keep up with Chicago and New England?

Answer: The real question is, can the Crew stay healthy and weather the absences of key figures (Rogers, Ekpo, Hejduk) this summer. If so, then I have no doubt we'll be step for step with at least one of those two teams. Chicago could be the runaway Supporter's Shield winner if they add McBride, and New England has kept pace without some of their key figures. For Columbus to maintain pace, they will need another option at forward to assist Moreno and better defensive play than they are getting from the left side right now.

Let's put it this way...there's a good chance the East winner could be on 55 points or more by the end of the season. The Crew are not that team...yet. But with the summer transfer window opening up, I am praying that the Crew make the changes necessary to take the stench off of these last few weeks, and fully unlock the potential of some bright youngsters in Rogers, Moffat, and Hasmer.

Smitty's Silly Match Preview - Game 10: @ Chivas USA

2008-05-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

The Crew are coming off a long week. Nevermind anything else that might have gone on surrounding the team, when you have 3 games in 7 days, and one of those games is on the other sides of the country, it can be more taxing than the California Legislature.

Fortunately, the Crew get to head to beautiful shores of California to take on the Cheevus Goats, a team we've already beaten once this year.

CHIVAS USA

What You Need To Know: After their last meeting, not only does Robbie Rogers own Brad Guzan, he also own's Guzan's house, car, and collection of Barbies. If the last game were an episode of "Pinks", Robbie ran in the low 9's while Guzan's vehicle smoked and sputtered before throwing a rod.

New Additions: Is it just me, or do a few of the ChivaGirls appear to have gotten...um..."enhanced"?

Also, in completely unrelated news, the Chivs Youth Soccer Academy is suffering a shortage of size 3 balls.

Biggest Holes to Fill: Here are all of the contract players who are OUT for this Saturday's game:

- Jonathan Bornstein
- Alecko Eskandarian
- Maykel Galindo
- Lawson Vaughn
- Raphael Wicky
- Alex Zotinca

Not "Probable," or "Doubtful," or "Questionable." OUT. Not playing. Add in the fact that Claudio Suarez and Shavar Thomas are both listed as "Questionable," and the Crew are going to be playing a bunch of backups. So, I would guess there are some holes to fill this weekend.

2008 Prediction: Chivas wasn't that good to start off, but then again, the West is terrible. Look for a Superclassico Western Conference Final, with both L.A. teams in the mix.

Match Preview here.

Game Prediction: The Crew get back off the losing train, and get back 3 points on the road to make up for the 3 they lost at home last week. Goals by Robbie Rogers, Adam Moffat, and Chad Marshall. Chivas goal by Sasha Kljestan. Crew win 3-1.

Past, Present, and Crewture Tense...I Told You So.

2008-05-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

By Smitty

On October 16th of 2007, on a Big Soccer thread entitled "Wishful Thinking" on the Crew forum, I posted the following comments in response to the idea of the Crew's ability to obtain Riquelme as our Designated Player:

Since we're in the wishful thinking category, what about German Denis? Here are the basics:

15 goals in the 13 games so far in the Apertura this year playing for Independiente. Also, he just got a call up to the Argentine National team.

(Note: This isn't the original vid I posted, as the one I used has been removed. Still, here are all 18 goals he ended up scoring last season.)

His Wikipedia page for further info...

Normally, I would say he's out of our league. But...
-He's 26, so he's not "old", but not a young prodigy. Could be a Juan Pablo Angel type player.
- He's already done the Europe thing.
- We have GBS, and thus, maybe, an "in".

Plus, he's a "German", so Sigi wouldn't have any problems...

The Crew have made no announcements regarding signing this player. BUT today they annouced the team we are playing in our first exhibition match. Yeah, it's none other than Independiente, a legendary club in South America. More importantly, it's the home of one German Denis.

Now consider that Brian Bliss just got on a plane today headed to "Brazil" (suuuuure...) to scout some players. Make no bones about it, I know what I'm talking about. Here's my step-by-step prediction of what's going to happen:

1. Bliss is putting up a smoke screen about Brazil. He'll make one or two stops, grab a cab in the middle of the night and head for Argentina.

2. The whole reason Bliss is in South America is to pitch German Denis on taking over the reigns once GBS hangs up the boots after this season.

3. The Crew can afford Denis because of the money they're not going to be spending on McBride (more on that in a moment), and the money they'll save once Guille walks away next year.

4. Independiente come to Columbus and allow Denis to get one good runout in front of Mark and the Fat Man against competition both will know well (The Crew).

5. Denis rips off his Independiente kit after the game, revealing a fresh #20 Banana kit that he took from the soon-to-be-released Nico Hernandez, and immediately has a press conference at the center circle in front of all the Argentine fans who came out to the match to see him.

- Denis becomes the perfect point man to finish all those beautiful crosses being sent in by Robbie Rogers, Frankie Hejduk, and Guillermo.

- The Crew beat L.A. 5-0 in the MLS Cup and get a taste of double, also swiping the U.S. Open Cup.

- Denis gets a hat trick in two seperate playoff games.

- Everyone buys me beer for calling this situation a whole year ago.

Just saying, don't be shocked when I'm right.

In other Crew news...

- Brian McBride has stated he's leaving Fulham. Wishful Crew fans are hoping it's to come back to the Black and Gold, but I have news for you: He's not. McBride will most likely end up with the Fire or Toronto, but Chicago does not have a DP, so it'll be interesting to see what they give up to get him. Still, McBride's agent and brother Matt is doing some PR, saying that McBride will always love Columbus, regardles of where he ends up. That means it won't be Columbus folks. He wouldn't have to tell us he loves us if he wasn't going somewhere else.

- Channel 6 did a story on the Youtube video last night. Thus continuing this douchebag's 15 minutes of "in"fame..

- I'll be posting my Silly Game Preview before Friday is out.

Crew for One

2008-05-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

America's Hardest Working Fans (Photo: Sam Fahmi)

Ahh Memorial Day, that magical weekend where barbecues flicker, parades flourish, and bloggers forget to write anything about their favorite soccer team. OK, so I slacked off. Forgive me. To make up for it, I am flogging myself with a whip made of Frankie Hejduk's National Team called-up mane, and writing a dual wrap-up article about both the loss to New England (1-0) and the victory over RSL (2-0).

To accomplish this, I'm going to take some negatives from Saturday's loss and contrast them with some positive things the Crew did to change it up in the Open Cup win. I'm also swilling some Landshark, so bear with me if I start blogging under the influence.

Negative #1: The Crew's futility cost them against New England.

The Crew were stuck trying to poke home prayers in front of New England's ace keeper Matt Reis, who had a hell of a game stopping the Crew's chances. But to only manage two shots on goal is pathetic. Alejandro Moreno looked frustrated and oft-fouled, and when Robbie Rogers was not getting stuffed into the turf, he was being marked by three guys. Clearly, the league has gotten the memo that these two are pretty good.

Positive # 1: The Crew's offensive swagger returned against RSL.

To be sure, the Royal Mormons are GAWD awful. But the creativeness of new faces like Steve Lenhart (who tucked in the first goal from about 8 yards out) and Emmanuel Ekpo were welcome. Granted, Ekpo was lost at times in the midfield, but his pace and footwork were more than sufficient to create space, and you can see the potential. Robbie Rogers showed his world-class skill by bending a 25-yarder around Nick Rimando for our second goal. It was, dare I say it, Beckham-esque. Let's just say the Crew needed that confidence boost almost as bad as bad as China needs a few more seismographs.

What...the Olympics are coming, and I'll be damned if we're letting Robbie go over there with two good legs before they get those earthquakes under control.

Negative #2: The Crew's left back against New England.

It's probably not fair to continually rip Ezra Hendrickson. After all, it's not his fault Sigi keeps calling his name come gametime. Still, Ezra once again looked like a flamingo trying to kick an armadillo on some of his clearances. And as if there needs to be any more evidence, Ezra was beaten in the box by Steve "Wow, I remember when dirt was invented" Ralston. Seriously? If you can't lock down Old Man Ralston, it might be time to start working on the non-regional dialect for the old broadcast booth there, EZ.

Positive #2: The Crew's starting left back against RSL.

His name is Ryan Junge (pronounced "BAMF"), and he was a beast tonight. He's not Gino Padula, but I'll be damned if he didn't rip a shot right at Rimando from 30 yards out in the first half. And he was more than capable in assisting the stalwart Chad Marshall and tenacious Danny O'Rourke. Someone needs to sit me down and explain to me why he isn't the first backup in defense instead of Ezra, because I am just not seeing it.

Negative #3: The midfield was less than agressive against both Toronto and New England.

In the last two games, playing through the midfield was tougher than trying to figure out how Guillermo gets that elastic crinkle in his sleeves. (Does he custom order them that way, or does his twin brother sew in the elastic? I haven't been able to sleep for 5 weeks trying to figure this out...) Partially, that's because the Crew were playing against two of the better midfield in MLS, but it also had to do with the absence of one key player...

Positive #3: Adam Moffat's agressive play.

I unfortunately had to work until 7:30, so I missed the first 25 minutes of the game. But you can imagine my and all Crew fans excitement to see Adam Moffat back on the pitch after his torn cartilage kept him sidelined for a few weeks. And he made a difference once again, fighting for every loose ball and winning more than a few hard tackles in the midfield. I can guarantee you no two people are happier to see him back than GBS and Robbie Rogers. With Moffat in the middle of the park in front of Brian Carrol, Danny O'Rourke and Chad Marshall, any opposing player coming to the center circle and beyond will be getting a warm welcome from the Crew's Scottish Ambassador. Also, I would be surprised if all the cheap fouls on Guille and Rogers continue, now that Moffat is back and especially when Gino gets back.

Negative #4: The 5% of douchebags who made the other 95% of us look bad against New England.

If you haven't seen MLS Rumors or Steve Goff's riffs on the Nordecke, don't bother with it. I won't re-bore you with the minutia, but basically, a few people threw beer at New England's players, and one person was heard on youtube calling some of the African players on New England the "N" word.

Apparently Goff and the chick that runs MLS Rumors haven't figured this out, so I'll spell it out nice and clear: When you judge a group of people by a select few, you're painting with a broad brush. And which takes more skill: painting a house, or painting Van Gogh's "Starry Night?" The simple-minded often jump on the easy point, which is often the entirely wrong story.

What should have been the story was how professional athletes who are paid a salary by people who attend games have no problem taunting those very same people that could easily walk away from their game, thus eventually costing them salary and ultimately their livelihood. I don't expect the Perez Hilton of MLS to grasp the subtle nuances at work in a social science experiment like that one, but Steve Goff works for the Washington Post for crying out loud. I would expect more from someone like him.

That all said, if you are the person who felt the need to use the "N" word, I encourage you to man up and say that to Ezra Hendrickson, Andy Iro, and Emmanuel Ekpo, and see how tough it makes you feel. Better yet, if you're so proud of it, why don't you just tell us all who you are? If that's why Shalrie Joseph flipped us the bird, then I quite honestly can't blame him.

The bottom line is, 95% of the crowd on Saturday was there for the right reasons, but 5% ruined it by being stupid. Welcome to life.

Positive #4: The 5% of douchebags who made the other 95% of us look bad against New England didn't show up against RSL, leaving only 100% Awesomeness.

If MLS is truly investigating the Crew Supporters, they need only look at what little tape exists from the RSL match to put the matter to bed. On a game where only the diehards showed up, nary a bottle, smokebomb, or racial slur made it onto the field. What did translate all through the stadium was a rowdy fan group that threw nothing but streamers, cheered on our boys in yellow, and sang for 90 minutes. Gee, it's almost as if the true fans are the ones playing by the rules! Go figure!!

If you want the 95% good, there are almost always going to be the 5% bad. There has to be a way to manage it, but let's put it this way: I'd rather have to keep an eye out for 10 or 12 bad apples instead of only having 10 or 12 people who care. With great success comes great responsibility. Hope we're up to the task.

Other notes:

- Congrats to Frankie Hejduk getting the call-up for some National Team duty. Also, any chance we can get the Olympic team to be sponsored by Natty Light? I think it would be appropriate on so many levels.

- Let it be heretofore noted that the coaches made the right move letting John Busch go. I loved the guy, but with Will Hesmer in goal and Andy Gruenenbaum on the bench, the Crew are more than fine between the woodwork. If you missed it, the Hebrew Hammer was the MOTM in my opinion against The William Jeffers All-Stars. I honestly like the idea of having a US Open keeper and a MLS Season keeper.

- Sigi came over after the match and shook everyone's hand on the front row all the way around the corner. You have to love that show of support after all the crap some of the media has given us this week. Good on ya, Sigi.

Go Crew, we face Chivas this Saturday night and eventually will take on the F*re in the next round of USOC qualifying.

Smitty's Silly Crew Preview: Game 9 - New England

2008-05-22T20:28:00.001-07:00

After a stunning tie to the Canucks, the Black and Gold are ready to get back in the win column. It's Buck-A-Brat night so make sure you buy at least one extra to throw at the first Revs player to take a corner.

New England

Andy Herron's finest moment as a Crew player.

What You Need To Know: Taylor Twellman is doubtful with a strained labia.

New Additions: Some guy named "Kenny Mansally", which sounds like police codespeak for a serial tranny hooker.

Biggest Holes to Fill: Still got that open space on the ol' trophy case...

2008 Prediction: Taylor Twellman will continue to look like an ass in those Kick-Medic commercials.

Match Preview here.

Game Prediction: Adam Moffat and Taylor Twellman both come in as 2nd half subs. Moffat scores the winner in his return, as Twellman gets put in traction by Frankie Hejduk. Crew win 3-1.

Crew Hymnal

2008-05-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

Since I've been on vacation this week, I've had some time to think about some good songs for the Crew. I spent a majority of Saturday in a Toyota Prius with another rabid Crew fan (my brother), an up-and-coming-Crew fan (his wife), and an on-her-way-to-being-a-Crew-fan (my wife.) Anyway, we brought quite a few mix CDs, and ended up with some good song ideas.

OK, so it's only two. Whatever.

On my Vans Warped Tour compilation CD, there is a great band called "Gogol Bordello." They are by far the most unique/funny/disturbing bands I have ever listened to at length. The other day, on the way out to vacation, my brother and I had an idea for a new song for the Crew based off of their song "Start Wearing Purple". You can probably already see where this is going...

Start wearing yellow, wearing yellow
Start wearing yellow for me now
All humanity
Will sing this for Columbus
I promise
in only
A matter of time...

They rhythm is a little complicated, but what the hell, we all had music class in grade school, right?

Here's the video to aid in singing. about :30 seconds in is the part that sounds more like a crowd singing it.

Anyone know how to play the accordion? Anyone know how to spell it, because I think I failed.

Second on the hit parade is a take-off of the old AC/DC tune "What Do You Do for Money, Honey?". The song is specifically for Taylor Twellman.

Twellman!
Not good enough for England!
Twellman!
Stuck on Nicol's bench again!

You can obviously take the song 100 different ways, so here's the AC/DC video to use for some inspiration. :58 is where the chorus starts for the youngsters out there.

Some other ideas (in case he actually plays):

Twellman!
Has never had a woman!
He likes to date his hand!
Still can't beat Houston!
He's got a stupid fake tan!

You can see how easy that would be to take to the next level. The idea would be to repeat that pattern over and over again.

We've got a few more days, so let's try both of these out.

Crew Nation: Holden Beach, NC.

2008-05-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Holden Beach, North Carolina. I am taking a much needed vacation with the fam, and getting a lot of sun. I've been rocking my Crew gear, and have been stopped on more than one occasion by people from Columbus asking if the Crew are as good as advertised. So, apparently, some buzz is building. Unfortunately, I am staying at a place with no internet access. Still, thanks to a tiny ice cream shop in the tiny town of Shallotte that had free Wi-Fi, I was able to watch the Crew's 0-0 sister kiss with Toronto. I can't do the running diary this week, but still, I do have some thoughts about what I liked and disliked about the Crew's performance.

The Good:

- The Crew have taken 4 points in their last two road games, which has to be considered an improvement over the last three years.

- Will Hesmer got another clean sheet. And don't doubt for a second that he had the shot off the woodwork covered, because he did.

- The Reds were vastly improved since the last time the Crew played them. The Crew, meanwhile, were short-staffed, being without the services of Adam Moffat, Gino Padula, and even Stefani Miglioranzi. With Toronto always being tough at home due to their crappy field and annoying fans, points are welcome. While it's disappointing to not get the full three, the Crew remain unbeaten in the last 6 games, and are a tie away from getting to 20 points before the month of May ends.

- Chicago lost, puting them three behind us. The Crew could have a six point lead on New England as well, depending on what happens in our major tilt this weekend weekend.

The Bad:

- The Crew continue to have trouble creating space on Field Turf. Our offensive chances were not really dangerous as much as they were "mildly offensive". Which works in both senses of the phrase.

- Sigi's substitution policy continues to baffle.

With Brad Evans and EZ on the field, Sigi couldn't go with his normally absurd subs. Instead of making the natural, most logical sub (Ekpo for Gaven), Sigi pulls the Jed Zayner card out of his hip pocket. He then proceeded to eat his last two subs. Having little internet acces this weekend, I haven't even read his postgame comments, but my guess is that his reasoning is that he wanted to stay conservative since we had a point on the road. This shouldn't be a shock, as the Rotund One is notorious for being conservative on the road. And you can't argue with taking points in away stadiums. Still, I can't decide if Sigmund's tentative road gameplan is brilliant or negligent.

- Toronto's fans. Sure they were loud at times, and they are the only other fan base that even comes close to throwing as many streamers as Columbus. But there were LOOOOONG stretches where the 20,000 Crimson Idiots were stone silent. Guess they don't know what to do when the physical evidence on the pitch doesn't jive with their nonsensical delusions.

The Ugly:

- Ezra Hendrickson. We love you EZ, you've always given it your best, but you are not first team material anymore. I'm sorry.

Whew, that was rough, but I think it went well. Now, can we please get our Gino back? We not only lose good defense without Padula; the offensive threat he brings is undeniable. An with Mr. Kick Medic coming to town next weekend, we will need both to keep pace with the Revs.

- Eddie Gaven's offensive chances. While he continues to play solid defense, at some point, he has to produce offense to justify his spot in the best eleven. And on Saturday he continued showing less and less in the offensive third. He played shots that should have been crosses at least 4 times. He also was lax in making support runs. We can make the playoffs with how he's playing now; we could be MLS champs if he plays to his supposed capability.

- We did mention the Toronto fans, right?

Overall, Toronto played one of their best games ever, the Crew played mediocre at best, and the score was still 0-0. I'll take that. Next week, the Crew will get their toughest home challenge yet. This will be the first true six-pointer we've had this season. Plus it's Buck-a-Brat night, so you'll have to evolve a third hand to hold your brat, your beer, and your streamer this weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some beach soccer to play...

Smitty's Silly Game Preview - Game 8 @ TFC

2008-05-16T06:34:00.000-07:00

The Crew are winners of 6 out of the first 7 and 5 in a row. Toronto is starting to look like a formidible opponent. Plus, there's a lot of bad blood between the supporters of these two teams, though that's mainly because the one team keeps beating the other team, and the sucky team's fans won't shut up about how awesome they think they are.

This game is going to be red-hot, and one can only guess if the Plastic Pitch will be able to withstand it...

Toronto F.C.

What You Need to Know: Toronto fans are fond of starting rumors. One of the more recent ones is that Columbus will be moved to Montreal for an expansion team. In that vein, another rumor we've heard is that all Toronto fans have syphillis and AIDS. Both rumors are equal in their veracity.

New Additions: Since the last time Toronto lost to Columbus ("played" Columbus is hardly the term), the Red Snatches have added a guy who rejected a trade to Toronto last year (Amado Guevara), a guy with two first names (Laurent Robert), and a guy who is named after a fictional province in Middle Earth (Rohan Ricketts).

Also, Toronto has added a whole new team of footballers who can play at BMO Field:

Biggest Holes to Fill: The void left in all Canadians hearts by the passing of Chris Benoit...

2008 Prediction: Toronto has a better season than most expected, barely sneaking into the playoffs. There, they will gain their new identity: Columbus' Eastern Conference Finals Bitch.

Match Preview here.

Game Prediction: Danny Dichio sputters against the powerful Chad Marshall, and Amado Guevara shoots blanks as the Crew win a defensive contest 1-0. The goal comes from a Guillermo Barros Schelotto free kick. And the Crew keep rolling...

Intercepted: Toronto Football Chat...

2008-05-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend emailed me this transcript of a conversation he snagged from a forum named "Lovers of the Red". Don't ask me why my friend was on such a site, as it's beyond me. I also cannot fully account for the veracity of the findings. However, what is to follow is a glimpse into the mind of a Toronto F.C fan (or in this case, four of them) the week before a Crew matchup. And it's much, much weirder than anything we could have imagined.

RedPizzatch27: What up
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Howdy
BMOrgy69: hai guyz
Dichiosdingleberry: cannot effing wait fortis weekend!!11!
RedPizzatch27: srsly
BMOrgy69: wtig
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: huh?
RedPizzatch27: ??
Dichiosdingleberry: lol
BMOrgy69: wtig = what time is game
RedPizzatch27: oooohh....4pm
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: it's 4pm
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: You guys think we'll win?
BMOrgy69: OMG yes. we r soooo much better now.
Dichiosdingleberry: please god, I hope so.
RedPizzatch27: no doubt.
RedPizzatch27: Anyone in here know who that Robbie Rogers kid is?
Dichiosdingleberry: sucks. He didn't even make there u-23 tema.
Dichiosdingleberry: *team
BMOrgy69: yah but hez cute tho...
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: excuse me?
BMOrgy69: just sayin...
RedPizzatch27: weird.
Dichiosdingleberry: hoooookay....so whosin charge of the TIFO?
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Terry.
Dichiosdingleberry: whose Terry? lol.
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Older guy, kind of has a beer belly. doesn't know much about soccer, but he's a huge Toronto fan.
RedPizzatch27: that's like all of our fans, lol.
BMOrgy69: ROTFLMAO
Dichiosdingleberry: sad but true
Dichiosdingleberry: whose terry?
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Just look for the guy with the signs. I'm helping him, and I know who you are, so I'll find you.
Dichiosdingleberry: Kewl
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: hey, anyone know how you spell the opposite of "lose"?
RedPizzatch27: Wyn?
Dichiosdingleberry: Tie?
BMOrgy69: Columbus? jk, lol
Dichiosdingleberry: that might be it actually...
RedPizzatch27: God, we suck
RedPizzatch27: aight, I'm out. Gotta go jerk it to a PS I made of Danny D making out with Chris Benoit's corpse.
BMOrgy69: FTW!!
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: NICE
Dichiosdingleberry: want...
RedPizzatch27: l8r

Sadly, this is as much as we can post of th transcript online, as the rest of it is worse than what you would read on those Dateline "To Catch a Predator" shows. If you're going up to TFC this weekend, bring your hazmat suits.

Paint the Town Yellow...

2008-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

While the group we're bringing to the great white north is no where near the size the Toronto lackeys brought to Crew Stadium, the few that are going can still make quite the...um..."impact."

Since it's a long drive, I'm sure many of you will be in need of a restroom upon arrival at Toronto. Below are a list of "bathrooms" in the downtown area.

Drink up!

Peter Nowak: Friend of the Crew

2008-05-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

Many longtime Crew fans will remember that before Peter Nowak was the head coach of the U-23's and the assistant to Bob Bradley with the senior national team, he was one in a line of many hated players on the Chicago Fire's roster. More recently, he was the head coach of D.C. United for a few years. So, why am I calling him a friend of the Crew?

Quite plainly, because he's the man who came up with this:

U-23 CONCACAF Olympic Qualifying Roster

No. Name Club
1 Seitz, Chris Real Salt Lake (MLS)
2 Wynne, Marvell Toronto FC (MLS)
3 Orozco, Michael San Luis (Mexico)
4 Ianni, Patrick Houston Dynamo (MLS)
5 Sturgis, Nathan Real Salt Lake (MLS)
6 Edu, Maurice Toronto FC (MLS)
7 Holden, Stuart Houston Dynamo (MLS)
8 Zizzo, Sal San Diego, Calif. Hannover 96 (Germany)
9 Davies, Charlie Hammarby IF (Sweden)
10 McCarty, Dax FC Dallas (MLS)
11 Adu, Freddy SL Benfica (Portugal)
12 Altidore, Jozy N.Y. Red Bulls (MLS)
13 Freeman, Hunter N.Y. Red Bulls (MLS)
14 Findley, Robbie Real Salt Lake (MLS)
15 Hill, Kamani VfL Wolfsburg (Germany)
16 Kljestan, Sacha Chivas USA (MLS)
17 Spector, Jonathan West Ham United (England)
18 Cervi, Dominic Not Under Contract
19 Barrett, Chad Chicago Fire (MLS)
20 Gaven, Eddie Columbus Crew (MLS)

Since leaving Robbie Rogers off the team this past spring, the 21-year old has pushed himself even harder, and it's paying off. Even before putting in two goals against San Jose this weekend, Robbie Rogers has been the fastest player on the field, and the player who has the most dangerous looks on goal. To be sure, no one is selling Guille or Moreno short, as they are the two main cogs that drive the Crew offense. But ponder this: If there is one Crew player you want in a 1-v-1 with the keeper, who is it?

Already, Robbie has made Brad Guzan, Kevin Hartman, and Joe Cannon look like fools. While maybe not the best in the world, those three are veteran MLS keepers. And as we've seen time and again, it's beginning to look like the keeper is a more important factor than the right back for whatever team is trying to stop Mr. Rogers. He's faster than most forwards in the league, let alone most defenders.

But let's not pretend Robbie Rogers hasn't had this ability, and that Peter Nowak caused him to suddenly blossom into the full blown offensive threat he is by leaving him off the roster. Everyone could clearly see that Rogers was a tremendous talent last year, especially after the D.C. finale. While Rogers only played in 6 games last year, he had three goals. What Nowak did was ensure that Robbie Rogers didn't think he had arrived. Rogers has obviously been playing hard every match, and is reaping the rewards.

Still, everyone knows, deep down inside, being told "you're not good enough" will eat away at anyone. The best of us find away to turn that spurning into motivation, and Rogers has clearly put the right spin on the situation. And this week, he has the opportunity to take his show on the international stage against T.F.C. at the "Home of the Argonauts". Let's hope his play continues to translate, even on the plastic pitch.

Morning Afterthoughts: San Jose

2008-05-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

The Crew rolled into the cozy confines of Buck Shaw stadium to face San Jose on Saturday night. And the Crew were so much better than the Quakes, they only needed ten minutes to win the game. As always, I'm rewatching the Crew's 3-2 victory to see what I might have missed while at Ruby Tuesday, and keeping a running journal. Enjoy!

PREGAME

- Welcome to Buck Shaw Stadium! Unfortunately, the broadcast MLS TV is posting online is the San Jose hometown broadcast. And even though we're not watching the Columbus feed, I'll go ahead and mention how disappointed I've become with Dwight Burgess. I used to love hearing him call the game, but this season, it's as if he's looking for something negative to say about the Crew, even when they win. Obviously, no one wants a cheerleader in the booth, but he could at least pretend he's excited for the way the season has started.

Also, he's not down with the streamers, so that's another big check in my book.

- The San Jose broadcast just showed the Crew's starting XI, with Miglioranzi in the middle, then when they went to show the San Jose lineup, they showed the Crew's lineup again, but this time with Ekpo in the middle. Technical glitch, but obviously Crew fans weren't the only ones who thought that would be a good idea...

FIRST HALF

:47 - The announcers just mentioned that Brian Carrol was a SJ Quake for about 2 minutes before his rights were traded to the Crew fo Kei Kamara. Yeah, I know it's early, but I'm becoming more and more happy with that trade. Carrol has anchored our midfield, while Kamara has continued aiming for the scoreboard when he's in front. And I mean the physical scoreboard, 80 feet above the goal...

3:38 - The color analyst for The San Jose Earthquakes Television Network just said that he gave Danny O'Rourke some tips about not fouling in the box this week. Yeah, I'm sure Danny didn't know that. The thing I always think about when color analysts pretend they know it all is this: You're not playing anymore. The guys on the field are still playing. They know what they're doing. Unless they're Eric Denton...

5:42 - The first corner kick of the match. There were a lot of these.

7:17 - The broadcast team (I didn't get their names) just said Sigi was at the UC Santa Clara gym before the game shooting hoops. Mr. Color Analyst says "He doesn't look like much of a basketball player..." That's funny, because you two don't sound like professional announcers. We're making all kinds of discoveries today.

7:35 - James Riley gives a forearm shiver to Robbie Rogers, who was about to blow right by the Quakes defender. And our crack broadcast team in the booth? Yeah, they're calling it a professional foul. Even after the replay clearly shows a foul that would have gotten called in the NHL. Fortunately, the ref knows enough to show yellow.

9:05 - I just saw a shot of Nick Garcia and Alejandro Moreno walking next to each other. Their respective numbers are 3 and 10. This reminded me of the movie "3:10 to Yuma", which, when it came out, I kept confusing with the movie "No Country for Old Men", mainly because I wanted to see both. Then I realized, Nick Garcia looks like the retarded guy in NCFOM.

11:49 - Corner kick number 2. GBS sends the ball in, and EZRA OLD MAN FREAKING HENDRICKSON somehow manages to put a beautiful header on frame. And by beautiful, I mean drop dead, knockout, 10 out of 10, gorgeous beauty of a shot. I could make love to that shot.

Unfortunately, the shot did everything right but go in, as it just hits the top of the crossbar. But Ezra placed it about as good as you can for it not to go in. He had Cannon and company completely frozen. Shame it didn't go in.

14:10 - Corner number 3

14:23 - Corner number 4

15:03 - Corner number 5. Incase you didn't notice last night, there were a TON of corner kicks. I think it might have set a record.

16:30 - Corner number 6 (This one for San Jose). Ezra nearly scores again, but this time, on his own end. Fortunately, he missed that one too. But that clearance led to...

16:49 - Corner number 7

18:48 - Kei Kamara takes a shot just outside the box, which gets defelcted into being a better shot than it would have been, knowing Kamara. The deflection nearly beats Big Willie, but it goes just wide, leading to...

19:10 - Corner number 8.

19:53 - Eddie Gaven send a nice ball into the penalty area, right to Miglioranzi's foot, but he does a terrible job with it, and it's cleared away. Just wanted to point out that Gaven wasn't invisible in this game.

21:28 - Corner number 9.

21:55 - Guille gets open on the left side, crosses to Moreno, who flicks it across the goal box, but no one is making the backside run. That's one area Robbie Rogers could use some work on. He needs to make the backpost run more than he does.

But rewatching this game, it's becoming evident the game could have been 10-2.

23:30 - The San Jose color guy just said "He's also got a new haircut", speaking of Peguero.

"Not now chief...it's f*ckin' gametime..."

28:37 - Now this is classic. The broadcast clearly shows Miglioranzi down on the ground with an injury, and the broadcast group can't stop talking about the great run that someone just made. Finally, they notice Miglioranzi and mention he's down, then go right into talking about buying tickets for the next home game.

No, seriously guys, it's fine. He might have just ripped his quad from the bone for all we know, but please, tell me more about "Remember When Landon Donovan Played For Us?" Bobblehead night. Asses...

30:38 - Corner number 10.

31:59 - Frankie sends a great cross into the box, which gets headed away by Nick Garcia. Creeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Corner!

32:29 - Corner number 11.

32:37 - The stadium is so quiet, you can clearly hear one of the players yell "Who we got? Someone get a f*ckin' man!"

Anyone want to cost Comcast Bay Area $5,000? Call the FCC at 1-800-Big-Brother.

Oh, and by the way...

32:49 - Corner number 12, 7th for Columbus.

34:23 - Brad Evans takes another great cross from Frankie and almost puts it in the near post. Every time I see Brad, I'm reminded of that sign someone put up last year that said "Brad Evans, Down on the Farm."

34:57 - We can't say exactly what part of his body Ezra used to block that cross, but lets just say it rhymes with the word "Modem".

By the way, an all-time great moment occured at Ruby's last night. We see the replay of Ezra getting slammed in the junk, everyone says "ooooh" at the same time. Then, a brief silence, until someone blurts out "C'mon Ezra! Rub some dirt on it and get back out there!" Classic.

Ezra's now infamous "cock block" led to...

35:32 - Corner number 13.

35:55 - Just learned that these two dolts broadcasting the game are John Schrader and Troy Dyak. I think John Schrader was the guy from Dukes of Hazard. No idea who Troy Dyak is though...

37:27 - Just wiki'd Troy Dyak. Apparently, he played his entire career as a central defender for the Quakes, owns an alfalfa farm, and his nickname is "Cowboy."

39:44 - Uh-oh. Schrader is bringing up the fact that Denton used to play for the Crew. *Blood begins shooting from eyes...*

41:27 - And right on cue, Eric Denton smacks a ball off one of the Crew defenders, and it goes out for the corner...

41:53 - Corner number 14 is headed in for the goal by Ramiro Corrales. 1-0 Quakes. As much as I hate it, that was a spectacular play. Carrol did all he could with Corrales, and yet he somehow snuck it right under the crossbar.

43:13 - Wow, that's an interesting stat. Since 2000, San Jose is 62-3-9 when scoring first. I don't even want to think about what Columbus' record is in that category.

And the first half ends. I was not happy at this moment.

SECOND HALF

46:55 - Kei Kamara shoves Chad Marshall into the boards, where Marshal gets curbed on the Microsoft sign. Kamara immediately gets up and starts acting like a douchebag. This 2008 version of the Sierra Leone native is a little more of a punk than I remember.

Also, as Marshall is laying on the ground in obvious pain, Schrader (the announcer) says, "Looks like Marshall is taking a little break." Yeah John, I'm sure that's what a guy who suffered from post-concussion syndrome is doing after getting thrown head-first into the boards.

49:13 - Hesmer makes another sick save from a Ronnie O'Brien shot. Still playing down a man at this point. Lots of drinking was occuring at the bar around this time.

49:47 - Marshall makes it back onto the field. Dyak comments, "That look on his face, I've seen that before, and it's a look that says, 'I don't feel so good right now'." Thanks, Cowboy.

51:01 - Almost forgot...Corner number 15, and it's for the Crew. That gets headed over the endline by a Quakes player, which leads to...

51:24 - Corner number 16. Once again sent out by the Quakes, leading to...

51:43 - Corner number 17. Wow. I mean wow. The Crew have had more chances to score than Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend after she's "had a few".

52:55 - Eddie Gaven lays it off for Frankie Hejduk, who sends in a beautiful cross that Brad Evans heads well over the cross bar. I didn't notice how much Gaven and Evans were involved in the offense last night (outside of Evan's goal obviously). Good to see those guys stepping up.

54:22 - Rogers goes down in the box, but no call. But we do get...

54:41 - Corner number 18. If we'd have done a shot everytime there was a corner kick, someone might have died.

54:55 - Hey, there's Ned Grabavoy! He just blocked one of Frankie Hejduk's shots with his face. It did deflect out though, so you know what that means...

55:27 - Corner number 19. It's the 12th of the game for the Crew. This corner was pushed out to Frankie, who should have had a goal of the week. He sends a spectacular little lob shot from the 18 yard box, which Joe Cannon barely tips over the net. Cannon may have made the save of the week.

55:55 - Oh..right. Corner number 20. By the way, all the Crew's corners resulted in zero goals tonight. Honestly, I don't even know if you make them practice at this point, how much more practice can you get than what they got in the game?

56:48 - Kamara has all the time in the world, and he attempts to cross, and instead blows it well over the endline. the touch was so bad, announcer-guy Schrader says, "Kamara....(kick)...and it's knocked out of bounds....by San Jose..." It looked like a deflection, for God's sake! Once again, we turned Kei Kamara into Brian Carrol. Who's angry about this?

59:57 - Talk about coming back to haunt you...

The announcers have been talking about the San Jose groundskeepers wetting down the field before the game. Well, apparently it was still pretty slick, as Joe Cannon slips as he was making a clearance, allowing Moreno to get the ball with the keeper on his back in the six. Unfortunately, Moreno was so far in, he could only manage to cross the ball across the front of the goal.

61:28 - Gaven gets the ball blocked past the endline on his attempted cross. You know what time it is...

61:47 - Corner number 21, Crew corner number 15.

62:47 - Ronnie O'Brien flips the ball just past Will Hesmer, but also just wide of the goal. And the goalscoring machine that is Kei Kamara is NOT pleased! Kamara is seen in the replay clearly chewing out O'Brien. The announcers, to their credit, take Kamara to task for complaining because, essentially, he sucks ass.

63:32 - Hey, lookie there! Crew Corner! It's number 22 overall, and number 16 for the Crew.

Of course, it didn't result in a goal, but still good to know.

67:01 - Loved this exchange by the announcers:

Schrader - "Rogers has been kind of bottled up here tonight. Not as much space to run as he might have liked."

"Cowboy" Dyak - "Yeah the field is smaller than some of the others in the league."

Schrader is clearly paying a compliment to the San Jose defense, and Cowboy thinks he's talking about the width of the field. Stupendous work gents. Also, nevermind the irony here...

By the way, Robbie Rogers turns 21 on Monday, so feel free to buy him a drink for all his hard work in the game.

67:25 - First Emmanuel Ekpo sighting.

68:28 - Ekpo in for Gaven. I know Gaven probably hates it, coming off so early, but I really like this strategy. Gaven spends the first 2/3rds of the game wearing down the midfield, which creates tons more space for a slightly more creative and much fresher Ekpo. Not a bad move there Sigi.

70:01 - Ezra does the running, and gets rewarded with a ball in the box, which he firmly deposits right between Joe Cannon's legs. Couldn't decide to go with a "ball" or "box" joke there.

Also, that is the second play in the same game involving EZ and testicles.

70:42 - Another great pass through the middle, and Brad Evans heads it onto goal, where Cannon makes another great save. So, let's count. We have:

1. Ezra's header off the bar
2. Brad Evan's first header
3. Frankie's lob shot
4. Moreno's almost goal off the Cannon mistake
5. Ezra's ball buster
6. Brad Evan's 2nd header

Nevermind the 16 corners we had to this point. And we STILL scored three goals! I was saying that ficticiously earlier, but now I'm convinced, this game SHOULD have been 10-2.

71:06 - Sorry, make that 17 corners for the Crew and 23 overall.

72:30 - Still amazed by that goal by Rogers! Emmanuel Ekpo steals the ball on the sideline, passes to Carrol who dumps it right back to him. Ekpo takes a touch and sends a gift wrapped through ball to the sprinting Robbie Rogers, who takes one touch, and goes five-hole on a defenseless Joe Cannon. 1-1 Crew.

Everything was textbook on that play: the tackle, the first pass, the return, the through ball, and the finish. Looked like they were running it in practice.

77:00 - Schelotto hits a free kick that once again requires Cannon to make a tip save over the bar. I'm starting to get legitimately angry that the Crew didn't win 10-2.

77:35 - "Mr. Corner Kick," as the broadcast group call Schelotto, take corner number 24, and his 18th of the game. That's gotta be a record. San Jose clears for another corner kick for the Black and Gold.

78:02 - 18th corner for the Crew, and 24th overall, which Marshall can't do anything with. I hope his head is ok.

79:54 - Moreno slides a pass through what looked like all 11 members of San Jose. Robbie Rogers carries it past Joe Cannon, who looked completely lost, and nudges it home for the 2-1 lead!

And Ruby Tuesdays almost fell in on itself at this point. I felt bad for the lame acoustic act that was trying to get through their set upstairs. It must have felt like playing a show directly above hell. A lot of swearing and gnashing of teeth, followed by shouting and screaming.

Also, kudos to Robbie Rogers on the fist-pumping slide celebration. He gets a 9 from me.

80:02 - Someone in the crowd is clearly heard over the broadcast group yelling "Goddammit!"

81:52 - One minute and 50 seconds later, Brad Evans gets on the board with a cracker of a shot that whistles right past the now suicidal Joe Cannon's ear and just under the cross bar. And guess who made the pass? Yep, Schelotto. You knew the wily Argentine was going to get in on the action after hitting 18 corner kicks to no avail. Crew lead 3-1.

Good to see Brad Evans get his first goal after having so many chances on the night.

83:54 - Schrader lets us know it's been 10 years since the Crew had a 5-game winning streak. He also sounds as if he has a gun in his mouth.

85:36 - Schrader is just reading liner notes at this point. He read one for Saag's specialty sausage in the 85th minute, and now he's reading one for KFC. He even cutoff the Cowboy, who was talking about how quiet the crowd got. Apparently, Schrader didn't even want to hear that noise.

86:12 - Moreno received the ball at the top of the 18, and could have put in goal number 4 on the night. But he stepped on the ball and fell. Oh well, just another feather in the "should have been 10-2" cap.

87:28 - Hesmer makes a nice save on Gavin Glinton's near-post effort.

87:39 - Hesmer just said clear as a bell, "Hey! Get in the f*ckin game!" to one of the defenders who let Glinton in. He was not happy.

87:53 - Corner number 25 results in a second goal for San Jose. Ryan Johnson heads the ball towards goal, and it glances off Frankie's noggin, and past Will Hesmer. I think Frankie was trying to redirect it out.

Also, both SJ goals came on corners. That's a problem.

STOPPAGE TIME:

- Ezra and Marshall clank melons, and both go down in a heap. Not good for Chad Marshall to get hit twice in the same game. Also, Kei Kamara elevates himself from "junior prick" to "Senior Dickbag" status by screaming at the two of them to get up, as he thinks they are wasting time.

Well, they probably are milking it, but to be fair, Ezra looked like he was taking some stitches.

94:19 - Game over! Crew win 3-2!!!

What a great game. The Crew should never have let it be this close, but you can't argue with their ten-minute domination that left no doubt who the best team on the field was. Also, the Crew have reached 6 wins faster than ever!

MOTM is Robbie Rogers without a doubt. Happy Brithday son, drinks are on us.

Next week: Toronto, part 2. Are you going?

Gameday Update: Crew Need the Fifth

2008-05-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

Who is this guy? And why is he on the Crew blog? Read on...

Just wanted to take a quick look around the league as we get ready for the late nighter against San Jose. I know many Crew fans are planning on an easy win tonight, but let's hope the team is on its game. DC did Columbus no favors on Thursday night, losing to the Fire 2-0. Thanks for that, Scum; the one time a Columbus fan might root for you, and you choke. No seriously, thanks.

Thanks to DC, the Crew have to keep winning to stay in front of the Chicago Fire. As good as the Crew have looked, that first game against Chicago will really let us know who is truly the class of the East. Granted, we're all pretty sure it's the Crew, but Chicago is having just as good of a start to the season.

So what else is going on besides the Crew kicking ass in San Jose? Glad you asked:

The FSC Overhyped Crapfest: Colorado at Houston (8:30pm FSC)
Houston is desperate for a win. Colorado has lost two out of three, but they did beat DC at home last week. Of course, beating DC is about as easy as convincing a 400-pound man to go with you to Hometown Buffet. Look for Houston to get that first win.

Prediction: Houston wins 3-1

The No-One-Cares Western Conference Game: Dallas at Real Salt Lake (9pm Direct Kick)
Does anyone else think Arturo Alvarez looks like Rod Stewart? Me neither...

Prediction: Dallas wins 2-0

That OTHER Late Night Game: NYRB at LA Galaxy (10:30pm HD Net)
Landon Donovan and David Beckham welcome JPA and Jozy Altidore to the HDC. Fortunately for the Galaxy, Abel Xavier is injured, so maybe Donovan won't have to score three goals for them to win. Then again, that begs the question "Who is worse": Abel Xavier, or the guy who can't beat out Abel Xavier for the starting job?

Prediction: NYRB win 3-2

The Interesting Sunday Game: New England at Chivas (3pm Sunday Telfutura)
Taylor Twellman is probable for the Revs, who have looked poor early this year. Chivas hasn't been much better. Still, both teams have quality, and if this matchup were to occur when the teams are at full strength, it's probably be a little more interesting.

Prediction: 2-2 draw

Of course, I'm pulling for NY and NE to lose, but against the West, it's not likely. You can't keep quality down.

Finally, on a completely unrelated note, the Big Soccer board had an interesting topic regarding things new Crew fans should know. It's quite interesting, and there's some good info on there for the noobs of Crew nation. My favorite part of the thread was this link: The Saga of Brad Fiedel

For those not in the know, the former U.S. National Team and currrent Blackburn Rovers keeper was named MLS Goalkeeper of the Year in 1997 as a member of the Crew. He was then sold to Liverpool for $1.7 million, and eventually landed in Blackburn, where he seen the team go from promotion to almost qualifying for Europe in his 8 years there. Friedel started a tradition of the Crew exporting talent oversees (see also: Brian McBride, Stern John, Marcos Gonzalez, etc...). And as much as I hate to say it, players like Robbie Rogers, Adam Moffat, and even Will Hesmer could have bright futures in Europe. But Friedel was the first Crew player to make a splash.

Smitty's Silly Preview: Game 7 at San Jose

2008-05-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

The Crew are rolling through the league. And fresh off a clean dispatching of one of the early league leaders, the Yellow Soccer Team will be playing their first game on the West Coast. Fortunately, it's against one of the worst teams in MLS, the San Jose Clash...err...Earthquakes. Also fortunate for the Crew, they get to look in the 2007 mirror to see Kei Kamara and Ned Grabavoy on the other side, with the Quakes are going to be shaking when they get a sight of the Massive Club storming their makeshift field.

San Jose Earthquakes:

What you need to know:
San Jose left back Matt Hatzke will be missing the game due to a National Team callup.

Oh, by the way...that's the U.S. Men's National FUTSAL Team. You know, indoor soccer? Apparently he'd rather play indoor for a team that 90% of U.S. Soccer fans didn't know existed than play for his club team. Of course, who can blame him? After all, it is the Massive Club coming to town.

New additions:
Some Hatian dude; stadium.

Biggest holes to fill:
Can the whole team qualify?

2008 Prediction:
As an expansion team, they are guaranteed to do no worse than last year.

Match preview here.

Game prediction: The game will be closer than most expect as Grabavoy and Kamara play up for their former team. But in honor of Matt Hatzke's service with the Futsal Nats (bless you!) this weekend, I'll say the Crew win with an indoor score of 15-2.

By the way San Jose fans, below are the highlights of Landon Donovan's 3 goal game from ealrier this season. In that game alone, Donovan outscored your entire team FOR THE ENTIRE SEASON. But hey, at least you have as many goals as Alan Gordon.

Ready Eddie?

2008-05-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

2008 has been a huge year for the Crew (some might use the word "Massive"). 5-1 start to the season. The emergence of Adam Moffat and Chad Marshall. The re-emergence of Alejandro Moreno and Gino Padula. The steadiness we expect from Guille and Frankie. And let's not forget, the fortifying of one soccer-specific Crew Stadium, where the Crew are 4-0.

But quietly going about his business is the humble Eddie Gaven. Once known as the MLS wunderkind who was destined to be a perennial MLS All Star, Gaven has been quietly having a nice season. It's not been one full of goals, mind you, but his presence in the midfield, especially on defense, is one of the reasons players like Moffat, Guillermo Barros Schelotto, and Robbie Rogers have been so effective. Someone has to stay home and cover those offensive forays, especially when Moffat or Gino Padula go forward, and Gaven drinks that milkshake.

Unfortunately, "DP Eddie", as his teammates call him, is getting paid a helluva a lot of money to be a utility midfielder. Right or wrong, many fans expect that one of the highest-paid players on the team is going to develop into either a leader, a goal-scorer, or an ass-kicker. And while it's not Eddie Gaven's fault that someone in the Metrobulls front office decided he was worth $156,000 per year and then traded him to Columbus for Edson Buddle, Gaven is none of those three. In all honesty, his demeanor can best be described as "mopey".

Please understand, the word "mopey" is being used here in the most polite way possible. It's not moping like a little kid who doesn't get the big fancy toy he wanted for Christmas; it's more like the guy who just found out the girl he wanted to ask to prom already said yes to the backup quarterback. It's not that he's malcontent. He's just quiet. A little toooo quiet...

To be clear, I have been one of Eddie Gaven's most staunch defenders. Many have said that they would rather not see number 12 on the pitch, that he needs a break, give someone else a shot, blah blah blah. But on the heels of the news that Adam Moffat is out for the next few weeks due to knee surgery, I know this Crew fan was thrilled that we have someone of Gaven's ability to step into that midfield role. While he's not yet developed into the goal-scoring machine we'd all hoped he would be, Eddie Gaven is good with the ball at his feet, he can defend, and he can bring the ball into the offensive third. His big issue has been not turning chances into goals, something a winger must do for Sigi's system to be successful (see: Robbie Rogers).

(And by the way, if Sigi insists on putting Gaven out on the wing this weekend with either Ekpo or Migs in the middle, I will be gouging my eyes out with a bar of Zest that has been fashioned into a shiv...)

But even the most grizzled defender of E-Money has to admit that it's soon going to be time for him to start making a name for himself on this team. For too long, Gaven has been known as "the kid who could be great" or "that guy who had a couple good years with the Metrostars." He's been given a set of expectations, but those were all based on things he did in the past. Now is the time for Gaven to carve out a new niche for himself on this team, and it doesn't necesarily have to be on offense. We've already got Fearless Leader (Guillermo), Heart and Soul (Frankie), Brick Wall (Chad Marshall), Tenacious Scorer (Moreno), and Guy Who Looks Like He Might Be On A Wanted Poster In Rest Stops (Gino Padula).

But who is Eddie Gaven? Can he be "Second Scoring Threat"? Maybe not. But wouldn't we all welcome another "Hard-nosed Midfielder Who Can Get Forward" player?

The thing is, Gaven is better served playing in the middle of the pitch, where his creativity and sharp passing will suit him fine. Yet, Sigi insists on keeping the kid out wide, much in the way Coach 101 (and counting) kept Andy Herron out wide last season when his preferred position was in the middle. Fortunately for him, Gaven should be given a chance to see what he can do this week in the middle against a weak team in San Jose. With Moffat out of the lineup, and with such weak competition on the other side, Sigi would be crazy not to start Ekpo out wide and see what he can do, and let Eddie slide over to fill-in for the injured Scot.

Wherever he lines up, Gaven will be going against some old teammates in Ned Grabavoy and Kei Kamara. Those two are no longer in Columbus because they were left unprotected in the expansion draft for San Jose. And with more expansion teams on the way, Eddie Gaven is at a crossroads. Either he looks himself in the mirror and decides journeyman midfielder/forward is good enough, or he realizes that if he wanted to, he could assume the roles of some of the older guys on the team like Hejduk and Oughton when they leave. Eddie Gaven COULD be a steady presence in our midfield for years to come; he COULD be an 8-10 goal scorer. There is no doubt that he has the physical tools. But if he doesn't take his game to that next level, and if he doesn't start leaving a mark on the field (even if it's the defensive third), Gaven could be staring down a long career bouncing from team to team in the MLS.

It's go time, Eddie. One way or the other.

Finding the Space

2008-05-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Crewfighter and I were mere inches apart. More specifically, our cars were only inches away from each other, as I was parked on Summit Street next to his vehicle. And when I say "on Summit Street," I mean in the middle of the street, with my hazards on, mere inches away from both his car and possible automotive homicide.(Were Edson Buddle still in town, I would have asked Ryan for hazard pay since we were in the middle of the street in close proximity to Crew Stadium.) We found ourselves in this predicament because Ryan's battery had run down, and he needed a jump. Since Summit is a one-way street, and Ryan was parallel parked, the difficulty of the situation became exponentially awkward. I pulled my car as close as I could to his car, got out, and attempted to hook up the jumper cables.

Unfortunately, I was exactly two inches too far away.

Not a big deal. I got back in the car, readjusted it, and sent life juice to his dead Mustang. But as far as my "one-time" attempt of pulling up next to his car, I missed it by that much. In real life, you can barely miss the mark, and get a do over. But in soccer? That difference can be all it takes to seperate a win from a loss.

Last night, the Crew took yet another step towards becoming the best story of MLS 2008, beating an out-matched and out-classed KC team 2-1. And they did it by winning the game of inches.

The battle wasn't as close as the final score made it appear. The Crew were true class the first half, controlling the ball and making dangerous runs into the box. This pressure paid off when Guillermo Barros Schelotto struck his patented beautiful free kick into the penalty area, which was headed back across by Chad Marshall to the charging Adam Moffat. Moffat neatly tucked the ball into the goal through a space that was literally no bigger than the box the Adidas game ball comes packaged in. And considering Kansas Ctiy's keeper Kevin Hartman is one of the widest in the league, the fact that Moffat could poke the ball in is that much more impressive.

On the second goal, Moreno made up for not scoring in his 4th game in a row by making the first ever ninja assist in Crew history, making like Chuck Norris to roundouse the ball to a speeding Robbie Rogers. Rogers then used one deft and sure touch to sneak a ball past the lumbering skin flaps of Jabba the Hartman. If Moffat's goal was "squeezed in," how do you describe this effort from Rogers? Most humans couldn't fit a slice of bread into the slot that Robbie put the ball through. Yet, once again, the Crew sent some Adidas product rolling into the Kwik Goal, and found themselves with a big lead.

Fortunately, the inches kept working in Columbus' favor. After KC went down 2-0, former OSU player Roger Espinoza tried to cave in the orbital bone on Frankie Hejduk's cranium. No doubt, the Honduran was using his elbow to take out some furstrations being felt by his entire side. As the two were running down the sideline, Espinoza planted his opposite foot, pushed back, and drove his elbow and shoulder up into Hejduk's eye socket. An inch or two one way or the other, and Espinoza would have landed the 'bow. That would have been a blow to Columbus, as Hejduk has been the emotional leader on the field now for years, and surely would have missed some time. Instead, replays show Espinoza clocked Frankie with his triceps and hand, Frankie's face barely missing the elbow. The shot looked horrific, but caused little damage to the Captain's rugged mug. However, the blow further damaged KC's chances in the match, as Espinoza was given the straight red (or should we say "straight scarlet" for the former Buckeye?).

A game that was decided by inches, in more ways than one.

In the end, Columbus continues to inch ahead of the competition, and remains at the top of the league. Adam Moffat is inching closer and closer to starting time with the Scottish Nats, and Chad Marshall, Will Hesmer, Frankie Hejduk, and Robbie Rogers are making cases for their respective U.S. National teams as well. Last night, a few inches here or there made the difference between goals and misses, the difference between a harsh foul and a 6-week injury. Inch by inch, the Crew keep taking points. One can only hope the Crew find a way to make good on the saying "Give them an inch, and they take a mile..."

Smitty's Silly Game Preview: Kansas City

2008-05-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

12 points in 5 matches? It's been an unbeliveable start to the season, almost as unbelieveable as a tornado sweeping you up into a world full fo singing midgets, flying monkeys, and technicolor. Let's hope the Crew can keep laying a Black and Yellow brick road all the way to the playoffs. Join me in song won't you!?!

We're off to see the Wizards! The terrible Wizards who suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Kandas City Wizards

What you need to know:
Goalkeeper Kevin Hartman consumes 47 pounds of alfalfa per day.

New additions:
Jerseys with the name on the front as well, so people will know who they are.

Biggest holes to fill:
Insert "Kevin Hartman mouth" joke here.

2008 Prediction:
They need courage, they need heart, they need a brain. But they have plenty of Dorothies on the team. Expect the Wiz to go the way of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Match preiew here.

Game Prediction: The Crew once face a challenge at home, and once again, Alejandro Moreno plays hard for Crewfighter (podcast joke). Moreno scores in 4 straight, and the Crew go on to win this game 3-2.

Morning Afterthoughts - Houston

2008-04-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

I need some help. After a 4-1 start to the season, all of the soft-squishy parts of my body are becoming numb to my constant pinching in my vain attempt to wake myself up from what I thought had to be a dream. Apparently it's not. Last night was yet another historic night for the Nordecke, and the Crew are off to their best start in 10 years! Danny O'Rourke even got an interview on 610 WTVN's sports show this morning. And to top it all off, Toronto knocked off KC, leaving Columbus alone at the top of the table!

As always, here are my thoughts after re-watching the replay online:

Pre-kick:

Welcome to Crew Stadium! The always-cool Dwight Burgess and ever-annoying Bill McDermott have the call for us today on CSN, which is the only OTA signal in Columbus to have not gone digital yet. Hope they get on that soon.

First Half:

:55 - First goal kick of the game, and as Pat Onstad flights a long ball into the Columbus half of the field, one can clearly hear the Nordecke's "You suck, asshole" over the broadcast team.

I'll take a moment here to give kudos to the man known as Hard Hat Mike. He fought off bronchitis and stood in the pit, valiantly leading the cheers with the brand new and much-anticipated megaphone. You earned that face-paint last night, Mike.

1:50 - Carrachio puts a header to the goal, but William Hesmer steps up to make his first save of the game. Leaving the game last night, from what I could see, Hesmer was heads and shoulders above all the choice for MOTM. We'll see if I still feel that way after rewatching the game.

2:15 - Bizarre play. Mulrooney plays the ball back to Onstad, who had already committed to sliding to pick it up. Houston gives up and indirect free kick in the box. This gave me one fewer items on my "stuff I've never seen live at a soccer game" list. Now all I have left are "compound fracture", "keeper scoring from the opposite net", and "Abel Xavier playing decently."

6:01 - You can clearly hear "Columbus" in the background.

6:39 - I know it's completely juvenile, but I laugh every time Bill McDermott says "Sigi really like the balls he plays into the midfield". I just wish Dwight would follow that up with a long pause, and then "Yep, Sigi is a fan of that player's balls..."

8:30 - Pat Onstad is apparently an asshole, and he sucks. So I hear.

10:01 - Wow, almost a foul in the box for Franklin Hejduk. (Hey, if Will Hesmer insists on being called "William", I'm keeping that rule for all the players). The fould was LITERALLY an inch outside of the box.

11:15 - Gene Padula gets in on the fouling action. If you doubt for a second that the "Fair Play" Award is a joke, watch a 2008 Crew game. The team was blatantly offended by that award, and is now overcompensating by fouling the bejesus out of every team they face. Not that I mind, I'm just saying...

11:47 - Crap! Houston 1-0 off a Brad Davis free kick.

BUT WAIT! The ref does and Amy Winhouse and says "No, No, No." Dwayne DeRosario was off by a country mile, and the flag goes up.

Hang on, I have to go change my pants...

OK, I'm back.

13:25 - Although it sounds like "blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah Columbus!", it's actually, "Yo se le voy, le voy a Columbus" or something like that. It's a La Turbina chant that apparently means "I am the voice of Columbus". Anyway, you can hear that now too.

15:48 - OK, now I'm hearing the "Alejandro Moreno" chant to the tune of The White Stripe's "Seven Nation Army." Need to change my pants again, but now for totally different reasons.

16:43 - Franklin Hejduk works to clear the ball, only to get it batted down by referee Terry Vaughn's noggin. And down goes Vaughn! Our head zebra tried to shake it off, but he needed a second to recompose himself. Also, Jason Matthews, head trainer for the Crew, came out to give him a look. On the broadcast, you can see Jason and Terry having a laugh. Which reminds me, I'll have to tell you a story about Jason later on, as the man is a cool cat.

19:37 - Wade Barrett heads the ball down, and almost right to GBS's foot. Sadly Onstad makes a save. Apparently the Houston defense wants to make sure he's back to full strength.

21:30 - Little noticed, but true: Adam Moffat saves the ball that Guillermo plays into the box. In the ensuing scrum, the ball is knocked over the endline by a Houston player, setting up Guille's corner. Once again, Adam Moffat has a hand in a key play for the Crew.

21:52 - GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL! Alejandro makes it three games in a row, and scores his 4th in 5 games!

Guillermo sends in a beautiful outswinging cross, which Chad Marshall heads on goal after coming off one of the best screens I've seen since March Madness. Moreno doesn't quit on the play, and the Crew are up 1-0!

In related news, Joseph Ngwenya is trying to learn Swiss.

27:21 - Boby Boswell chops down Moreno, and gets booked. Can I just say that song is stuck in my head yet again? Aaaaahlenhandro Mooorenoooo!

29:35 - This buildup from Robert Rogers was fantastic. Rogers steals the ball in the defensive third, beats two men, lays it off briefly to Schelotto, who taps right into more space for Rogers, who passes to Edward Gaven, who carries it across the field and hits Franklin Hejduk in space, who flights a beautiful ball that Moreno is mere inches from burying into the back of the net. Unfortunately, Patrick Onstad gets to the ball first.

(Hey, don't look at me. Blame William Hesmer for starting the full-name trend...)

30:50 - Speaking of, Hemser makes a tough 50-50 save, taking a shot in the ribs in the process. He really put his body on the line during this game.

33:55 - William Hesmer somehow makes a save after poor clearance from the Crew back line. He ends up stuffing Carrachio, then as Carrachio and Carrol get tangled up, jumps on the pile to keep the ball an inch off the goal line. That looked more like rugby than soccer.

34:57 - And on the ensuing attack, Gino Padula uncorks a right-footed beauty of a shot that would make Beckham jealous. The shot is JUST over the bar, but on the plus side, it did break one of the Crewzer's legs. Their hammy, untoned legs that is.

45+ - GBS ends the half with a beautiful cross off a set piece, but it is just barely poked away by Onstad. Can't imagine how nuts the place would have been had we scored there. Ah well.

2nd half

47:51 - Adam Moffat sees the yellow for a late challenge on Ricardo Clark. I'm OK with that, but the Crew are going to need to start watching out for accumulation.

49:55 - First corner of the night for Houston in the Nordecke, and oh was it a shower! Davis doesn't end up kicking this thing until the 52nd minute, and Guille has to come over to tell us to stop. Hahahahahaha! Tremendous showing by the Nordecke once again. If I were the opposing team, I would not want to take corners in that end.

54:56 - Great run by Rogers, and Guille finds him in the open space. Robbie takes it across the 18 yard box, and fires a shot, well-defended though by Onstad.

As long as the Crew keep winning , I'm OK with Robbie's shots not going in. That may sound odd, but I'd rather have a full summer of Robbie than a summer of Robbie splitting time with the U-23's in China. Once the final roster is set in stone, I hope he bags three a game. Until then, keep shooting it Robbie!

55:59 - Bill McDermott just said that he's heard a lot of rumors about Riquelme. So, it's official: McD reads Big Soccer.

56:40 - More streamers from the Nordecke, and the broadcast team have the utter gumption to say that Crew fans are essentially just ripping off Toronto FC fans.

Are you kidding me? Watch any game in South America, and you'll see the same thing. Toronto fans can put another quill in their already enlarged hat, though, because apprently Dwight Burgess and Bill McDermott think TFC fans came up with the idea. Unbelievable.

59:13 - Pat Onstad is on his game tonight. He punches away another dangerous cross off the foot Guille from a set piece. Onstad is the reason the Dynamo didn't lose this game 4-0.

60:10 - OK, someone needs to tell Gino Padula that he's a defender, and he's not supposed to be so good offensively. He hits a wicked left-footed shot off the crossbar from the set piece. Kudos to Sigi for pulling that guy out of the French 2nd division.

62:15 - Hesmer gets his body in the way off another cross, and lays out in the process to come away with it in a scrum. Really, this game was a battle of two great keepers. Seeing as how Onstad was the keeper for the league champs the last two years, I'll take having his counterpart on a night like this.

64:25 - Sideline gal Katie Witham talks with Sigi about an apparent tweaking of the knee that Gino Padula suffered earleir in the match. Sigi explains that Gino has to come off because he's hurt, which explains the EZ sub that had all of us in attendance scratching our heads. Still, he didn't look injured after that free kick...

65:30 - Guille whistles one just outside the near post, and it looks like it would have beat Onstad had it had just a little less bend to it. Guille is still pure class, and his haircut is legendary.

68:33 - This is where Hesmer starts to shine. He knocks down a screaming shot from DeRosario, and covers for the save. Truly some great goalkeeping in this game.

73:09 - Daniel O'Rourke clears after Hesmer comes off his line for a tough challenge. I know a lot of people were getting on to D earlier this year, but he has really stepped up his game after getting his PK situations out of the way.

74:09 - If Patrick Ianni had a lunch, Alejandro Moreno ate it by this point. Milkshake was drank as well. That's two really poor games from Ianni.

74:53 - Alejandro Moreno gets another header from a Guille cross, only to have it cleared off the line by one of the Houston field players! Oh, he's so close to having 7-8 goals instead of 4.

79:25 - Again, the Crew loses power on one of the lights above the stadium. That's about the only thing they've lost at home all season...

BA-DUM BUM PSSH! Thank you, I'll be here all week!

80:41 - William Hesmer takes a knock while going to clear a corner kick in the box, and he stays down. It looks from the replay that he got clipped in midair by one of the Houston players or Ezra. In person, it looked like Ezra got him with an elbow. Either way, he got back up and got to hear the Nordecke chanting "William Hesmer!"

81:13 Jason Matthews is on the field looking at Hesmer, which reminds me of the story I wanted to tell you:

As we were all cheering earlier in the game, Matthews was running down by our corner. He looks up in the stands, smiled, and then pulled up his warmup shirt to reveal his Hudson Street Hooligans shirt! HSH is grwoing massively, folks.

82:45 - Hesmer dusts himself off to make another spectacular save. I want to get a William Hesmer wig.

84:28 - At this point, I was standing in the Nordecke going "5 and a half minutes to go". Anyone else? Thought so...

88:35 - Wade Barret took a beautiful shot to the far upper 90, only to be bested by the play of the game, a TREMENDOUS save from William Hesmer. To put this play in perspective, Bill McDrmott felt the need to compare the save to a salmon leaping out of water, whatever the hell that means.

FIVE MINUTES OF STOPPAGE TIME?!?! I thought they did away with overtime...

90+ - Hesmer gets a yellow for taking too long, his 2nd of the year. I've never seen a keeper get one card for that, and he has two in the last two games.

- Frankie Hejduk gets a yellow for taking too long on the throw in. I hope no one ends up sitting a match because of time-wasting.

And the whistle finally blows, Crew win 1-0! Sigi Schmid gets his 100th of his career. The Crew are 3-0 at home! And, we're still top of the table!!!!

A few things to take away from this game:

- Hesmer was definitely Man of the Match. His heart and toughness saved this game for the Crew.

- Is Gino Padula going to be alright? Apparently, he feels he could have stayed on, but he is getting an MRI on Monday.

- The Crew have consistently faced better and better competition this season, and have risen to the task almost every week. I think the Dynamo were truly the best team we've played this season, despite their record.

- Can the Crew get back off their heels and start bringing the pressure and pace like they did in the first three games? Let's hope so, as they'll need another strong effort when they face KC this week.

What a game, what a night, and what a way to beat the defending champs!

Up next: Kansas City.

Smitty's Silly Match Preview: Game 5 - Houston

2008-04-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

The Massive Columbus Crew return to defend the home turf after the utter dismantling of DC on the road. Houston are limping in with no wins through four games. Are they wounded or desperate?

Houston Dynamo

What You Need to Know:
Using nicknames like “D-Ro” makes you sound like a douchebag.

New Additions:
(in the Dynamo Corporate mailbox) A “thank-you” note from the Crew for giving us Alejandro Moreno last season…

Biggest Holes to Fill:
The void left by Columbus Reject Joseph Ngwenya.

Also, as one of the fattest cities in America, we’re guessing the Houston fans have to either fill that giant ham hole on their face quite often, or face a diabetic coma.

2008 Prediction:
Have you seen how the Rockets are doing in the NBA Playoffs? It’s kind of like that…

Match Preview here.

Game Prediction:
Alejandro Moreno runs his “games with goals”-streak to three, and Robbie Rogers again finds the net. Crew win with the familiar score 2-1.