Morning Afterthoughts: San Jose

The Crew rolled into the cozy confines of Buck Shaw stadium to face San Jose on Saturday night. And the Crew were so much better than the Quakes, they only needed ten minutes to win the game. As always, I'm rewatching the Crew's 3-2 victory to see what I might have missed while at Ruby Tuesday, and keeping a running journal. Enjoy!

PREGAME

- Welcome to Buck Shaw Stadium! Unfortunately, the broadcast MLS TV is posting online is the San Jose hometown broadcast. And even though we're not watching the Columbus feed, I'll go ahead and mention how disappointed I've become with Dwight Burgess. I used to love hearing him call the game, but this season, it's as if he's looking for something negative to say about the Crew, even when they win. Obviously, no one wants a cheerleader in the booth, but he could at least pretend he's excited for the way the season has started.

Also, he's not down with the streamers, so that's another big check in my book.

- The San Jose broadcast just showed the Crew's starting XI, with Miglioranzi in the middle, then when they went to show the San Jose lineup, they showed the Crew's lineup again, but this time with Ekpo in the middle. Technical glitch, but obviously Crew fans weren't the only ones who thought that would be a good idea...


FIRST HALF

:47 - The announcers just mentioned that Brian Carrol was a SJ Quake for about 2 minutes before his rights were traded to the Crew fo Kei Kamara. Yeah, I know it's early, but I'm becoming more and more happy with that trade. Carrol has anchored our midfield, while Kamara has continued aiming for the scoreboard when he's in front. And I mean the physical scoreboard, 80 feet above the goal...

3:38 - The color analyst for The San Jose Earthquakes Television Network just said that he gave Danny O'Rourke some tips about not fouling in the box this week. Yeah, I'm sure Danny didn't know that. The thing I always think about when color analysts pretend they know it all is this: You're not playing anymore. The guys on the field are still playing. They know what they're doing. Unless they're Eric Denton...

5:42 - The first corner kick of the match. There were a lot of these.

7:17 - The broadcast team (I didn't get their names) just said Sigi was at the UC Santa Clara gym before the game shooting hoops. Mr. Color Analyst says "He doesn't look like much of a basketball player..." That's funny, because you two don't sound like professional announcers. We're making all kinds of discoveries today.

7:35 - James Riley gives a forearm shiver to Robbie Rogers, who was about to blow right by the Quakes defender. And our crack broadcast team in the booth? Yeah, they're calling it a professional foul. Even after the replay clearly shows a foul that would have gotten called in the NHL. Fortunately, the ref knows enough to show yellow.

9:05 - I just saw a shot of Nick Garcia and Alejandro Moreno walking next to each other. Their respective numbers are 3 and 10. This reminded me of the movie "3:10 to Yuma", which, when it came out, I kept confusing with the movie "No Country for Old Men", mainly because I wanted to see both. Then I realized, Nick Garcia looks like the retarded guy in NCFOM.

11:49 - Corner kick number 2. GBS sends the ball in, and EZRA OLD MAN FREAKING HENDRICKSON somehow manages to put a beautiful header on frame. And by beautiful, I mean drop dead, knockout, 10 out of 10, gorgeous beauty of a shot. I could make love to that shot.

Unfortunately, the shot did everything right but go in, as it just hits the top of the crossbar. But Ezra placed it about as good as you can for it not to go in. He had Cannon and company completely frozen. Shame it didn't go in.

14:10 - Corner number 3

14:23 - Corner number 4

15:03 - Corner number 5. Incase you didn't notice last night, there were a TON of corner kicks. I think it might have set a record.

16:30 - Corner number 6 (This one for San Jose). Ezra nearly scores again, but this time, on his own end. Fortunately, he missed that one too. But that clearance led to...

16:49 - Corner number 7

18:48 - Kei Kamara takes a shot just outside the box, which gets defelcted into being a better shot than it would have been, knowing Kamara. The deflection nearly beats Big Willie, but it goes just wide, leading to...

19:10 - Corner number 8.

19:53 - Eddie Gaven send a nice ball into the penalty area, right to Miglioranzi's foot, but he does a terrible job with it, and it's cleared away. Just wanted to point out that Gaven wasn't invisible in this game.

21:28 - Corner number 9.

21:55 - Guille gets open on the left side, crosses to Moreno, who flicks it across the goal box, but no one is making the backside run. That's one area Robbie Rogers could use some work on. He needs to make the backpost run more than he does.

But rewatching this game, it's becoming evident the game could have been 10-2.

23:30 - The San Jose color guy just said "He's also got a new haircut", speaking of Peguero.

"Not now chief...it's f*ckin' gametime..."

28:37 - Now this is classic. The broadcast clearly shows Miglioranzi down on the ground with an injury, and the broadcast group can't stop talking about the great run that someone just made. Finally, they notice Miglioranzi and mention he's down, then go right into talking about buying tickets for the next home game.

No, seriously guys, it's fine. He might have just ripped his quad from the bone for all we know, but please, tell me more about "Remember When Landon Donovan Played For Us?" Bobblehead night. Asses...

30:38 - Corner number 10.

31:59 - Frankie sends a great cross into the box, which gets headed away by Nick Garcia. Creeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Corner!

32:29 - Corner number 11.

32:37 - The stadium is so quiet, you can clearly hear one of the players yell "Who we got? Someone get a f*ckin' man!"

Anyone want to cost Comcast Bay Area $5,000? Call the FCC at 1-800-Big-Brother.

Oh, and by the way...

32:49 - Corner number 12, 7th for Columbus.

34:23 - Brad Evans takes another great cross from Frankie and almost puts it in the near post. Every time I see Brad, I'm reminded of that sign someone put up last year that said "Brad Evans, Down on the Farm."

34:57 - We can't say exactly what part of his body Ezra used to block that cross, but lets just say it rhymes with the word "Modem".

By the way, an all-time great moment occured at Ruby's last night. We see the replay of Ezra getting slammed in the junk, everyone says "ooooh" at the same time. Then, a brief silence, until someone blurts out "C'mon Ezra! Rub some dirt on it and get back out there!" Classic.

Ezra's now infamous "cock block" led to...

35:32 - Corner number 13.

35:55 - Just learned that these two dolts broadcasting the game are John Schrader and Troy Dyak. I think John Schrader was the guy from Dukes of Hazard. No idea who Troy Dyak is though...

37:27 - Just wiki'd Troy Dyak. Apparently, he played his entire career as a central defender for the Quakes, owns an alfalfa farm, and his nickname is "Cowboy."

39:44 - Uh-oh. Schrader is bringing up the fact that Denton used to play for the Crew. *Blood begins shooting from eyes...*

41:27 - And right on cue, Eric Denton smacks a ball off one of the Crew defenders, and it goes out for the corner...

41:53 - Corner number 14 is headed in for the goal by Ramiro Corrales. 1-0 Quakes. As much as I hate it, that was a spectacular play. Carrol did all he could with Corrales, and yet he somehow snuck it right under the crossbar.

43:13 - Wow, that's an interesting stat. Since 2000, San Jose is 62-3-9 when scoring first. I don't even want to think about what Columbus' record is in that category.

And the first half ends. I was not happy at this moment.

SECOND HALF

46:55 - Kei Kamara shoves Chad Marshall into the boards, where Marshal gets curbed on the Microsoft sign. Kamara immediately gets up and starts acting like a douchebag. This 2008 version of the Sierra Leone native is a little more of a punk than I remember.

Also, as Marshall is laying on the ground in obvious pain, Schrader (the announcer) says, "Looks like Marshall is taking a little break." Yeah John, I'm sure that's what a guy who suffered from post-concussion syndrome is doing after getting thrown head-first into the boards.

49:13 - Hesmer makes another sick save from a Ronnie O'Brien shot. Still playing down a man at this point. Lots of drinking was occuring at the bar around this time.

49:47 - Marshall makes it back onto the field. Dyak comments, "That look on his face, I've seen that before, and it's a look that says, 'I don't feel so good right now'." Thanks, Cowboy.

51:01 - Almost forgot...Corner number 15, and it's for the Crew. That gets headed over the endline by a Quakes player, which leads to...

51:24 - Corner number 16. Once again sent out by the Quakes, leading to...

51:43 - Corner number 17. Wow. I mean wow. The Crew have had more chances to score than Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend after she's "had a few".

52:55 - Eddie Gaven lays it off for Frankie Hejduk, who sends in a beautiful cross that Brad Evans heads well over the cross bar. I didn't notice how much Gaven and Evans were involved in the offense last night (outside of Evan's goal obviously). Good to see those guys stepping up.

54:22 - Rogers goes down in the box, but no call. But we do get...

54:41 - Corner number 18. If we'd have done a shot everytime there was a corner kick, someone might have died.

54:55 - Hey, there's Ned Grabavoy! He just blocked one of Frankie Hejduk's shots with his face. It did deflect out though, so you know what that means...

55:27 - Corner number 19. It's the 12th of the game for the Crew. This corner was pushed out to Frankie, who should have had a goal of the week. He sends a spectacular little lob shot from the 18 yard box, which Joe Cannon barely tips over the net. Cannon may have made the save of the week.

55:55 - Oh..right. Corner number 20. By the way, all the Crew's corners resulted in zero goals tonight. Honestly, I don't even know if you make them practice at this point, how much more practice can you get than what they got in the game?

56:48 - Kamara has all the time in the world, and he attempts to cross, and instead blows it well over the endline. the touch was so bad, announcer-guy Schrader says, "Kamara....(kick)...and it's knocked out of bounds....by San Jose..." It looked like a deflection, for God's sake! Once again, we turned Kei Kamara into Brian Carrol. Who's angry about this?

59:57 - Talk about coming back to haunt you...

The announcers have been talking about the San Jose groundskeepers wetting down the field before the game. Well, apparently it was still pretty slick, as Joe Cannon slips as he was making a clearance, allowing Moreno to get the ball with the keeper on his back in the six. Unfortunately, Moreno was so far in, he could only manage to cross the ball across the front of the goal.

61:28 - Gaven gets the ball blocked past the endline on his attempted cross. You know what time it is...

61:47 - Corner number 21, Crew corner number 15.

62:47 - Ronnie O'Brien flips the ball just past Will Hesmer, but also just wide of the goal. And the goalscoring machine that is Kei Kamara is NOT pleased! Kamara is seen in the replay clearly chewing out O'Brien. The announcers, to their credit, take Kamara to task for complaining because, essentially, he sucks ass.

63:32 - Hey, lookie there! Crew Corner! It's number 22 overall, and number 16 for the Crew.

Of course, it didn't result in a goal, but still good to know.

67:01 - Loved this exchange by the announcers:

Schrader - "Rogers has been kind of bottled up here tonight. Not as much space to run as he might have liked."

"Cowboy" Dyak - "Yeah the field is smaller than some of the others in the league."

Schrader is clearly paying a compliment to the San Jose defense, and Cowboy thinks he's talking about the width of the field. Stupendous work gents. Also, nevermind the irony here...

By the way, Robbie Rogers turns 21 on Monday, so feel free to buy him a drink for all his hard work in the game.

67:25 - First Emmanuel Ekpo sighting.

68:28 - Ekpo in for Gaven. I know Gaven probably hates it, coming off so early, but I really like this strategy. Gaven spends the first 2/3rds of the game wearing down the midfield, which creates tons more space for a slightly more creative and much fresher Ekpo. Not a bad move there Sigi.

70:01 - Ezra does the running, and gets rewarded with a ball in the box, which he firmly deposits right between Joe Cannon's legs. Couldn't decide to go with a "ball" or "box" joke there.

Also, that is the second play in the same game involving EZ and testicles.

70:42 - Another great pass through the middle, and Brad Evans heads it onto goal, where Cannon makes another great save. So, let's count. We have:

1. Ezra's header off the bar
2. Brad Evan's first header
3. Frankie's lob shot
4. Moreno's almost goal off the Cannon mistake
5. Ezra's ball buster
6. Brad Evan's 2nd header

Nevermind the 16 corners we had to this point. And we STILL scored three goals! I was saying that ficticiously earlier, but now I'm convinced, this game SHOULD have been 10-2.

71:06 - Sorry, make that 17 corners for the Crew and 23 overall.

72:30 - Still amazed by that goal by Rogers! Emmanuel Ekpo steals the ball on the sideline, passes to Carrol who dumps it right back to him. Ekpo takes a touch and sends a gift wrapped through ball to the sprinting Robbie Rogers, who takes one touch, and goes five-hole on a defenseless Joe Cannon. 1-1 Crew.

Everything was textbook on that play: the tackle, the first pass, the return, the through ball, and the finish. Looked like they were running it in practice.

77:00 - Schelotto hits a free kick that once again requires Cannon to make a tip save over the bar. I'm starting to get legitimately angry that the Crew didn't win 10-2.

77:35 - "Mr. Corner Kick," as the broadcast group call Schelotto, take corner number 24, and his 18th of the game. That's gotta be a record. San Jose clears for another corner kick for the Black and Gold.

78:02 - 18th corner for the Crew, and 24th overall, which Marshall can't do anything with. I hope his head is ok.

79:54 - Moreno slides a pass through what looked like all 11 members of San Jose. Robbie Rogers carries it past Joe Cannon, who looked completely lost, and nudges it home for the 2-1 lead!

And Ruby Tuesdays almost fell in on itself at this point. I felt bad for the lame acoustic act that was trying to get through their set upstairs. It must have felt like playing a show directly above hell. A lot of swearing and gnashing of teeth, followed by shouting and screaming.

Also, kudos to Robbie Rogers on the fist-pumping slide celebration. He gets a 9 from me.

80:02 - Someone in the crowd is clearly heard over the broadcast group yelling "Goddammit!"

81:52 - One minute and 50 seconds later, Brad Evans gets on the board with a cracker of a shot that whistles right past the now suicidal Joe Cannon's ear and just under the cross bar. And guess who made the pass? Yep, Schelotto. You knew the wily Argentine was going to get in on the action after hitting 18 corner kicks to no avail. Crew lead 3-1.

Good to see Brad Evans get his first goal after having so many chances on the night.

83:54 - Schrader lets us know it's been 10 years since the Crew had a 5-game winning streak. He also sounds as if he has a gun in his mouth.

85:36 - Schrader is just reading liner notes at this point. He read one for Saag's specialty sausage in the 85th minute, and now he's reading one for KFC. He even cutoff the Cowboy, who was talking about how quiet the crowd got. Apparently, Schrader didn't even want to hear that noise.

86:12 - Moreno received the ball at the top of the 18, and could have put in goal number 4 on the night. But he stepped on the ball and fell. Oh well, just another feather in the "should have been 10-2" cap.

87:28 - Hesmer makes a nice save on Gavin Glinton's near-post effort.

87:39 - Hesmer just said clear as a bell, "Hey! Get in the f*ckin game!" to one of the defenders who let Glinton in. He was not happy.

87:53 - Corner number 25 results in a second goal for San Jose. Ryan Johnson heads the ball towards goal, and it glances off Frankie's noggin, and past Will Hesmer. I think Frankie was trying to redirect it out.

Also, both SJ goals came on corners. That's a problem.

STOPPAGE TIME:

- Ezra and Marshall clank melons, and both go down in a heap. Not good for Chad Marshall to get hit twice in the same game. Also, Kei Kamara elevates himself from "junior prick" to "Senior Dickbag" status by screaming at the two of them to get up, as he thinks they are wasting time.

Well, they probably are milking it, but to be fair, Ezra looked like he was taking some stitches.

94:19 - Game over! Crew win 3-2!!!

What a great game. The Crew should never have let it be this close, but you can't argue with their ten-minute domination that left no doubt who the best team on the field was. Also, the Crew have reached 6 wins faster than ever!

MOTM is Robbie Rogers without a doubt. Happy Brithday son, drinks are on us.

Next week: Toronto, part 2. Are you going?