Recently, a friend emailed me this transcript of a conversation he snagged from a forum named "Lovers of the Red". Don't ask me why my friend was on such a site, as it's beyond me. I also cannot fully account for the veracity of the findings. However, what is to follow is a glimpse into the mind of a Toronto F.C fan (or in this case, four of them) the week before a Crew matchup. And it's much, much weirder than anything we could have imagined.
RedPizzatch27: What up
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Howdy
BMOrgy69: hai guyz
Dichiosdingleberry: cannot effing wait fortis weekend!!11!
RedPizzatch27: srsly
BMOrgy69: wtig
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: huh?
RedPizzatch27: ??
Dichiosdingleberry: lol
BMOrgy69: wtig = what time is game
RedPizzatch27: oooohh....4pm
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: it's 4pm
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: You guys think we'll win?
BMOrgy69: OMG yes. we r soooo much better now.
Dichiosdingleberry: please god, I hope so.
RedPizzatch27: no doubt.
RedPizzatch27: Anyone in here know who that Robbie Rogers kid is?
Dichiosdingleberry: sucks. He didn't even make there u-23 tema.
Dichiosdingleberry: *team
BMOrgy69: yah but hez cute tho...
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: excuse me?
BMOrgy69: just sayin...
RedPizzatch27: weird.
Dichiosdingleberry: hoooookay....so whosin charge of the TIFO?
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Terry.
Dichiosdingleberry: whose Terry? lol.
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Older guy, kind of has a beer belly. doesn't know much about soccer, but he's a huge Toronto fan.
RedPizzatch27: that's like all of our fans, lol.
BMOrgy69: ROTFLMAO
Dichiosdingleberry: sad but true
Dichiosdingleberry: whose terry?
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: Just look for the guy with the signs. I'm helping him, and I know who you are, so I'll find you.
Dichiosdingleberry: Kewl
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: hey, anyone know how you spell the opposite of "lose"?
RedPizzatch27: Wyn?
Dichiosdingleberry: Tie?
BMOrgy69: Columbus? jk, lol
Dichiosdingleberry: that might be it actually...
RedPizzatch27: God, we suck
RedPizzatch27: aight, I'm out. Gotta go jerk it to a PS I made of Danny D making out with Chris Benoit's corpse.
BMOrgy69: FTW!!
Royal_mounted_brigadier_general_of_the_leaf: NICE
Dichiosdingleberry: want...
RedPizzatch27: l8r
Sadly, this is as much as we can post of th transcript online, as the rest of it is worse than what you would read on those Dateline "To Catch a Predator" shows. If you're going up to TFC this weekend, bring your hazmat suits.
Showing posts with label Smack. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Smack. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
More Class from Toronto
Or is that "Jackasses from Toronto"? Either way, here's the visual evidence:
A lot of the TFC fans complained that there were not adequate bathroom facilities near their tailgate lot, thus forcing them to urinate on the gate in front of the church. Also,
this article seems to corroborate all the reports of the TFC fans littering up their parking lot. Again, the Red Snatch Boys argument is that there were no trash cans nearby to dispose of their waste.
I'm sorry, but it takes a certain level of hoser to leave a parking lot completely trashed, especially when you're visiting from out of town. And the douchebag quotient is off the scale when your fans are also taking a piss on a chain-link fence in front of a church. Maybe I don't properly understand urination etiquette , but I always thought the idea of peeing on a structure or building was twofold:
1. To prevent someone from accidentally walking into the stream
2. To have a modicum of privacy, and the decency of not showing your rod to whomever may have the misfortune of standing across from you.
How are either of those accomlished by relieving yourself on a chain-link fence? Obviously, people are going to see you, from front and behind. And unless you've got very good aim, it's kind of like shooting a BB gun at a tennis net, so it's not stopping the stream. Factor in the fact that the people who called in to complain were IN THE CHURCH, and you can see where most Crew fans are getting a little peeved by the soccer fans from the North.
I'm all for a good show, and the TFC boys did that in the stadium. But any goodwill they might have garnered for either Toronto or soccer fans in general is negated by the actions of these heartless bastards. Do us a favor next time you come to Crew Stadium: If you have to take a leak, do it behind one of the 27 buses you brought, not directly in front of a ladies auxillary meeting, OK?
A lot of the TFC fans complained that there were not adequate bathroom facilities near their tailgate lot, thus forcing them to urinate on the gate in front of the church. Also,
this article seems to corroborate all the reports of the TFC fans littering up their parking lot. Again, the Red Snatch Boys argument is that there were no trash cans nearby to dispose of their waste.
I'm sorry, but it takes a certain level of hoser to leave a parking lot completely trashed, especially when you're visiting from out of town. And the douchebag quotient is off the scale when your fans are also taking a piss on a chain-link fence in front of a church. Maybe I don't properly understand urination etiquette , but I always thought the idea of peeing on a structure or building was twofold:
1. To prevent someone from accidentally walking into the stream
2. To have a modicum of privacy, and the decency of not showing your rod to whomever may have the misfortune of standing across from you.
How are either of those accomlished by relieving yourself on a chain-link fence? Obviously, people are going to see you, from front and behind. And unless you've got very good aim, it's kind of like shooting a BB gun at a tennis net, so it's not stopping the stream. Factor in the fact that the people who called in to complain were IN THE CHURCH, and you can see where most Crew fans are getting a little peeved by the soccer fans from the North.
I'm all for a good show, and the TFC boys did that in the stadium. But any goodwill they might have garnered for either Toronto or soccer fans in general is negated by the actions of these heartless bastards. Do us a favor next time you come to Crew Stadium: If you have to take a leak, do it behind one of the 27 buses you brought, not directly in front of a ladies auxillary meeting, OK?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Game 1: Toronto F.C.
Sorry for the long layoff. But it's time for the 2008 Crew season, so let's get right to it. Here's the first match preview for 2008 season:
Toronto F.C.
What you need to know:
They're all a bunch of douchebags.
New additions:
Vaginas for everyone!
Biggest holes to fill:
Ass-.
2008 Prediction:
Like a torture victim in a Thai prison, they will be sodomized repeatedly, then forgotten about for many years.
T.F.C. match preview here.
Game prediction:
Crew beat the shit out of Toronto, 2-0 Black and Gold. Goals scored by Schelotto and Rogers.
Toronto F.C.
What you need to know:
They're all a bunch of douchebags.
New additions:
Vaginas for everyone!
Biggest holes to fill:
Ass-.
2008 Prediction:
Like a torture victim in a Thai prison, they will be sodomized repeatedly, then forgotten about for many years.
T.F.C. match preview here.
Game prediction:
Crew beat the shit out of Toronto, 2-0 Black and Gold. Goals scored by Schelotto and Rogers.
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