Smitty's (abbreviated) Silly Game Preview

I've been debating on whether or not to return to doing the Silly Game Preview. You see, for the past two weeks, I've been waist deep in home improvement projects and work, both of which having prevented me from posting the preview. During the same two weeks, the Crew have taken 4 points in two road matches and scored 6 goals after not scoring any for 4 straight. Am I saying that the Crew have been so angered by not seeing a silly game preview, they've been playing a level or two up to make me put away time to do the Silly Game Preview?

Of course.

But I've wondered if doing a preview will jinx the good mojo the Crew seem to have going over these last few weeks. I was honestly thinking of just not doing one this week, to see if we can get back to winning at home. Then, out of nowhere, the mythical soccer gods I don't believe in provided a path for me...

I was looking for some good Crapids material to post, a funny picture I could photshop, anything to get me in the creatively funny direction. While searching for a picture of Pablo Mastroeni, I came across some of the most brutally disturbing pictures I have ever seen. They were taken by the New York Times back in 2002, and they feature some of the greatest soccer products America has produced, wearing God-only-knows what posing in a way that would make Richard Simmons mudwrestling with Sigfried and Roy seem like average heterosexual activity.

See cases in point, complete with nicknames:


Brian "Blueboy" McBride



Kasey "Come Hither" Keller


Clint "Wanna Tap This?" Mathis


Cobi "Spread Eagle" Jones

And finally, the picture that started it all off:



Pablo "My Ass Now Ready" Mastroeni

Seriously, how did I go for 6 years without seeing this? And how did these guys end up being the best WC team the US fielded in over 50 years? Does this in some way diminish what they did on the field?

One thing is certain: The soccer gods I don't believe in made no doubt about the fact that I am not meant to writer a Silly Game Preview, because I may possibly be projectile vomiting and crying the rest of the night.

Still, while I go search for eye, brain, and heart bleach, here are the basics:

Game Preview here. This one is the FSC Game of the week. So set them DVRs.

My prediction: It's time for Ekpo. He gets his first goal, and Big Willie styles to another clean sheet, after a terrible performance against L.A.

Crew win 2-0, Toronto wins 3-2, and Sigi coaches the MLS All-Star Team to a bunkertastic draw.