Pouvez-vous m'entendre maintenant ?

Among the many things Crew fans worry about in their day to day lives, one hopes that Sigi Schmid's cell phone contents ranks very low on the list. I doubt many people are currently wondering what ringer the man has, or who are in his "Five."

Almost unbelievably, I happen to know both of those answers:

Ringer
Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

Sigi's Five
1. Mark McCullers
2. Valerie Schmid
3. Bobby Warzycha
4. Thierry Henry
5. Alexi Lalas (for prank call purposes only)

Perhaps some of you balked at number four on the list in Sigi's Five. Perhaps some of you are also wondering how I learned such privileged information. (Let's just say I am not above looking at some one's cell phone while it's lying on the bar.) But regardless of how I know what I know, or if you even cared prior to this moment, Crew Nation now has a reason to be interested in Sigmund's mobile. Don't believe me? Check out this piece of info gleaned from the excellent Crew blog Shawn Mitchell writes for The Dispatch.

“I don’t think you’re going to get Thierry Henry to come to Columbus because it’s too far for him to go to watch LeBron play,” Schmid joked. “I was going to call him and tell him that the NBA team is leaving Seattle. He might not be aware of that, at least until he sees Tony Parker.”

So, let me get this straight, Sigs: You have the phone number to one of the most famous soccer players in the known world? What, are you guys chummy? Do you call each other after Henry's scored for Barcelona, while your forwards can't even manage two SHOTS on goal, and laugh about the good old days, when he didn't come to UCLA, and you weren't coaching in the English Premier League? Were you text messaging wildly the first time you saw him on the Gillette Fusion commerical?

If you read that full article, you'll also note that Sigi once again takes a chance to say that Columbus is a town where you'll get family men and younger players. But the superstars won't come here because it lacks a certain panache', if you will. He then goes into his little fantasy of having Thierry Henry's cell phone, which I can assure you, he doesn't. While I have many, many well-founded doubts about the HSG's ability or willingness to sign a player who requires a multi-million dollar transfer fee and salary, I don't think it's too much to ask for the coach of the local team to at least pretend like HE enjoys being here. Stop talking about how Thierry Henry and David Beckham won't come to Columbus. Stop talking about how only the people who don't go out after 9pm will like this town. Columbus may not be L.A., but it's not Topeka, Kansas either.

Meanwhile, the Crew are still having trouble getting Emmanuel Ekpo into camp. From the above article:

“We’re still working on it,” Schmid said of the Crew’s attempt to sign the Nigerian midfielder. “It’s not completely dead yet. But it’s getting close to (transfer close date) to the 15th rolling around so we’re hoping to get it done by then.”

OK, now I'm really confused. Apparently, Sigi Schmid, the soccer power broker who can dial up Thierry Henry to give him some friendly advice, doesn't have the mojo to get the Nigerian Soccer Federation to grease the skids?

Look, I'm not trying to be a downer here, but this is the same "Shucks! We just missed him" attitude the Crew and Sigi in particular displayed last year when it came to signing that mythical DP. That same attitude has continued with the Maciej Zurawski debacle, which was not completely the Crew's fault. But now we're having trouble getting a discovery signing to come in, someone who may get here and be the African version of Jacob Thomas, for all we know. Again, I know that's not all Ekpo's fault, and that is somewhat comparing apples to the proverbial oranges. The point is, the Crew is once again faced with the possibility of missing out on a player who could answer one of the problems we have had the last three years.

I don't expect the Crew to be able to convince Thierry Henry to lace up a pair of Black and Gold boots, but if we can't even pay the money to get a discovery player who impressed the coaches in camp, how are we ever going to believe that the Crew will unload the necessary cash to make this club a winner? And if the coach is constantly taking potshots at the town, how are the potential players we want ever going to take Columbus seriously?

Hello? Front office...Can you hear me now?